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Rantings of a Sandmonkey

Be forewarned: The writer of this blog is an extremely cynical, snarky, pro-US, secular, libertarian, disgruntled sandmonkey. If this is your cup of tea, please enjoy your stay here. If not, please sod off

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Now that's what i call closure!

I've stumbeld on this reading the always entertaining Angry Little Lady blog, which all of you should read! The following was apparently forwarded to people via e-mail, but since i've never received it, i figure there is a good chance that maybe a lot of you didn't either. So for those who did receive it, I say with all the compassion in my heart: Tough Noogins! "Basically, this girl is writing her ex-boyfriend a letter three years after their breakup. He responds and cc's like all of his friends. the basic gist: she's crazy and he's hilarious...." Date: Wed, 1 Jun 2005 14:16:18 -0700 (PDT) From: "D." Subject: D. presents: "An Ode to Instability" To: "Heather" Friends, Some of you may remember by ex-girlfriend S. . I recently recieved a letter from her. I would appreciate it if you would take the time to read it and review my response. I hope all of you are well. May 23, 2005 Dear D. : I have had a difficult time, over the past few years, achieving closure of our relationship. It is time for me to seek this. I have gone through the appropriate stages of anger, remorse, sadness. It is now time for me to close this chapter of my life. I am trying to recapture my life and gain a sense of identity back. In my professional life I have done this, but my personal life struggles. For so long I/We were "S. and D.", that it is hard to gain my own identity back. I am not worried about my career; I will soon succeed even my wildest dreams. I am just stunted by my personal life. I am ready to release you from my life. I also on a weekly basis encounter people who want to tell me about you or have a discussion about you. I do not want to deal with this anymore. I do have a proposal on how to handle this. I am ready to no longer be forced to deal with your presence. As to how to deal with it, I propose the following: 1. I've heard you have an apartment on the West side. You need to move out of the West side of Indianapolis, this has always been my side of town, I own a house here, and do not rent like you. I grew up here, and always want to live here. I would prefer if you were to leave Indianapolis all together, but I know this is more than I can ask.I do not want to risk running into you at any store. 2. We should officially divide our friends. Particularly Jim, Jillian, Amy, and Ed. You should write them, thanking them for the opportunity to be their friend and explain why you can no longer be in contact with them. I can provide you with addresses, if you need. 3. I will stay out of Republican politics. I promise not to get involved with any Republican politics, unless my father runs for judge, and than I reserve the right to work on his campaign. 4. I would like you to not have anything to do with all thingsCathedral. I feel I should have ownership of the school since my motherworks there and my brother and sisters went there. You are more tied toWabash. This should be where you dedicate your alumni status. I will be involved in Cathedral. When the time of reunions comes up, I am willing to say that you can have the reunions ending in "0" years and I will take the"5" years. So you can have 10 years and I will take 25 years. 5. I will avoid Wabash contacts. The few guys from the house I still speak to on a rare basis, I will not. I will also discourage any male offspring I have from attending Wabash. I know some of these things seem a bit harsh, but I feel they are for the best. I do not ever really wish to see you again. I know that this will of course happen beyond my control, but I think we should do our best to avoid what we can. It is my sincere hope that you understand, and do take the time torespond. This is my last request of you. With fondness, S. May 31, 2005 Dear S. , Thanks for your letter. We broke up 3 years ago. Knowing that and taking into consideration you believe me to be a cold, career focused, ego-maniac, what on earth makes you think I would take the time to think about you or agree to your proposal? But since I clearly have taken the time to respond, please take a moment to review some comments and counterproposals I have crafted. 1. First, I will have to resist the burning urge to move RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO YOU. After that deep desire subsides, I will vacate the Westside and return to my roots: The Snooty Northside, as you used to call it. However, since I was born on the Northside and I have Northside in my veins you must abdicate all ties to the North. This includes: Living on the Northside, living on the Northeastside, walking down North Street, being a fan of the Dallas Stars (formerly the Minnesota North Stars), wearing North Face apparel or telling your children that Santa lives at the North Pole. 1 (B). I was born in Indianapolis before you were so I should really get to determine who stays and who goes. In my benevolence I will let you exist here only within the St. Michael's Parish boundary (MLK Dr. to High School Rd. and 56th Street to 10th St.) We will call this the S. Zone. This should be acceptable for you as your family lives across the street and there is a gas station, grocery, convenience store, your place of employment and a fire station. Exceptions can be made with my expressed written consent. You will be required to display a large tag in your windshield giving you permission to travel beyond the S. Zone. 2. I haven't talked to your friends since we broke up. I think they got the message. However since we apparently are still in fourth grade, please have your friends meet me by the playground at recess so that I can tell them they have big fat heads and they aren't my friends anymore.Do you agree? _______Yes ________No________Maybe 2 (B). One of the few times you let us do something fun, we visited some of my family friends on Geist. It was about eight years ago. We enjoyed their boat and home for several hours during a pre-500 party. Please jot them a note saying you are going to forget that ever happened. Please also offer to reimburse them for the boat gas, pool chlorine, air conditioning Freon, Dr. Pepper and anything else you consumed while you were there. I don't have their address anymore, you can look it up. 3. Please let me know when your father runs for anything.I'm going to run against him. 3 (B). Thanks for staying out of Republican politics. Your heavyweight presence in the party will be sorely missed. I am very involved in ice hockey. I play recreationally and coach a youth team in the winter. I would prefer it if you could stop being involved in all things related to ice and ice hockey . You can use those instant first aid coldpaks to cool your drinks from now on. Also, my parents have been very involved with the Indianapolis 500 Festival for nearly 20 years. The month of May is really a big month for us. While I am not able to honor your request of moving out of Indianapolis, I would ask that you just leave town during May. With 250,000 fans going to the race and 35,000 runners in the Mini-Marathon, I don't want to run the risk of bumping into you. I know your birthday is in May, but man, I just don't care. 4. Christ, I don't have the energy for this one. 5. If any of my friends from Wabash actually still talk to you, they are fucking fired as friends. 5 (B). I'm not going to tell my kids anything about you. But speaking of kids, it would be okay with me if my son was a crack addict, just as long as he got your kids hooked on it and became their dealer. In closing, I will never make decisions about my life or my family based on whether I might run into you at the store. I am now convinced that if we ever do bump into each other, you will spontaneously combust. I wish you the best of luck find a spouse. Seriously. It won't be easy to find a person who is willing to spend the rest of his life raising children and making decisions based on your crazy-ass proposal to an ex-boyfriend and your inability to act like a rational human being. All my best, D.


At 6/30/2005 03:32:00 AM, Blogger egyptiansally said...

i love it. so many ex-girlfriends wanna give in to their inner psycho to do something like this, but never do. i gotta give her props for actually saying what most wanna say.

At 6/30/2005 03:49:00 AM, Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

You are actually giving her props?

Sally, you sometimes worry me!

At 6/30/2005 03:55:00 AM, Blogger gatorbait said...

De bitch be crazy.

At 6/30/2005 04:09:00 AM, Anonymous Don Cox said...

What she really wants to do is murder him, chop the body into tiny pieces, and feed it to the fishes.

At 6/30/2005 04:28:00 AM, Blogger egyptiansally said...

now who's being overly dramatic? :)

she was very meticulous in her uh, demands (3 years of intro/retrospection will do that you i guess) and her thoughts aren't illogical per se. it's the fact that she sent the email out that makes it a little whacky, but what's wrong with thinking to take measures so that their parellel lives don't intersect?

At 6/30/2005 05:03:00 AM, Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

"now who's being overly dramatic? :)"

Ouch. LOL Touche

"she was very meticulous in her uh, demands (3 years of intro/retrospection will do that you i guess)and her thoughts aren't illogical per se. it's the fact that she sent the email out that makes it a little whacky,"

Hmm, I think what makes her a little wacky is the fact that she is sending this e-mail after the break-up with 3 Years. 3 years ya sally. That's a long ass time to get over a break-up, let alone care enough to create such a "list of demands".

And it's not illogical to demand that your ex leave the side of town/or city you reside in? It's not illogical to demand them to cut all ties to a school because she is "tied more to it" because her family went there? It's not illogical to say that u won't permit ur kid to go to a school because your ex-boyfriend went there? Ya nehar eswed? You don't think that that's, i dunno, a little on the cukoo/loopy/looney side? I mean, can u imagine the discussion she would have with her kid? " No Johnny, you can't go to Wabash. You see, Davey- my ex-boyfriend whom I always talk about-went there, and me and him made an agreement that included that none of my kids would ever go there! So yeah, even though i married ur dad and had you and hardly think of him anymore (except when your dad doesn't feel like playing doctor), i am gonna have to honor our e-mail agreement and deny u the right to go to the school u want. If u don't like it, too bad!"

Yep, I can see how that's a logical argument to make! :-p

"but what's wrong with thinking to take measures so that their parellel* lives don't intersect*?"

Nothing is wrong really, well , except that it gives a previous relationship much too much power over ur life. So what if she sees an ex every now and then, if she is really doing that great? Not to mention, i see nothing wrong with keeping tabs on ex's every now and then. It's only when i still care for them that i might have problems with it.

And see, this is exactly what i think is happening here. She still loves him, probably because he was the only one who tolerated her control-freaky ways for long. This is also probably why she is still single 3 years after they broke up (no one wants to date a control-freak). This isn't about closure, I don't think, as much as it is about getting the attention of an ex back in hopes to restart a dialogue. Davey, apparently , has dated saner women since, and probably had flashbacks of her psychoness when he read her e-mail. You notice how he couldn't care less really about whether or not their lives intersect, as long as their lives remained seperate.

Hmm, why am i discussing this with such length anyway? Why do i care? I don't even know those people. Lol. I need to get back to work.

However, i have a question for you: Do you mean by saying that the only wackiness involved on her part was e-mailing him her thoughts, that women actually think like this? Have you ever done something like that (sans sending the e-mail) in regards to an ex? I am just curious!

*(sidenote to Ms. english teacher: Doesn't leading prallel lives mean that the lives won't intersect? Isn't that what Parallel means? The opposite of Intersecting? If not then my geometry teacher owes me an explanation and a few grades!)

At 6/30/2005 05:17:00 AM, Blogger egyptiansally said...

if you wish to take things quite literally wise ass, then yes, parallel lines, in geometry, do not intersect. i guess i meant that she's making sure they don't intersect through mutual associations because you know, parellel lines can be joined by other lines....

i think she's whacky in sending this... and i agree, she's trying to get his attention more than anything. or maybe she was just drunk? and regretted sending it in the morning?

as for whether "girls" (i ammend this to "people") think like this or not, then hell yes. after three years? no, i don't think so. but initially yes, i think people want to divide up friends, favorite places, even childhood neighborhoods.

i still give her props. for the movie as good as it gets: "the best thing you have going for you is your ability to humiliate yourself."

At 6/30/2005 05:23:00 AM, Anonymous mahdi said...

sally, did you just wake up? you're not being your usual articulate self.

At 6/30/2005 05:52:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hate to be sexist, but for gals its many times (a happy qualifier) more about feelings than reason. The sad part, coming from a guy who only figured out the "feelings" thing a little while ago, is that this (I assume) young woman has been unable to resolve her feelings for three long years, and her email is the best that she can come up with as a way to resolve her feelings. Personally, I think the guy, while funny, is a bit of a douche bag.

At 6/30/2005 05:52:00 AM, Anonymous Me, Myself and I said...

Dah mesh closure (i hate this word and term and all what it embodies) ya SM...this is a khenaaaaaah...hey would love to introduce this woman to my ex-husband...detachment is the key here..many think i am way toooooooo detached, but if attachment drives you to the point of spending three years (or even one,or even six mnths) festering over a relationship--then dunno, detachment is heaven then..you can still enjoy the relationship but with the frame of mind that impermenance is the nature of life..Nevertheless i would love to introduce her to my ex.

At 6/30/2005 06:21:00 AM, Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

Sally, It could be that she was "drunk e-mailing", but this e-mail was far too organized and thought out for her to do it drunk. Maybe she wrote it as something she never intended to send in the first place, but needed to get off her chest anyway, and was drunk and in a "fuck it" mood when she sent it. I could understand that because of my god-i-wish-it-would-stop habit of drunk dialling ex's that i know i shouldn't talk to. :)

Mahdi, very interesting timing! :)

Anonymous,If the guy was a douchebag in any way, it's in cc'ing his response to her to all of his friends. However, given how funny this is, i dunno, i think he gets a "get out of jail free card" on the account of hilarity!


I agree with you in regards of detachment, i am kinda like that when it comes to relationships. I dunno why, but the closest thing i have to an explanation is that I wouldn't be with the person if i didn't care, and that i believe my actions would convey my love 100 times more then words would. I could talk to you about ur problems forever and not do anything if i really don't care, or u could tell me what it is and if i cared i would just fix it. end of story.

It's funny, but it drives my family nuts, because they don't get that about me, and because of how detached i am in regards to them. It makes them believe that i don;t really care. And then when something happens (emergency, accident, whatever), i am the first to act and do stuff and take care of business to their astonishment. When my aunt got her shoulder dislocated, everybody fawned around her without realy doing anything but showing concern, i was the one who got her the room, got the doctor, supported her arm, got her the wheelchair, went and get everyone drinks and got the x-ray room cleared, the whole nine yard, without once asking her "how r u feeling?" because, well, i figured the woman was in pain. The whole family was watching me do this with their jaws dropping on the floor because i am the detached "amrikany" who doesn't care about them or their lives. My dad afterwards was like " You know u stunned them, right? They don't know what to think of you now!" Oh well..

I dunno, detachment is as good as attachment, as long as u show, onbe way or another, that u care.

LOL however on the introducing her to ur ex-husbend remark. And don't tell me u would be doing him a favor u sly devil u, u know better.

At 6/30/2005 07:14:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry, while I enjoy humor, even dark humor, this gal is just too genuinely troubled for me to laugh. IMO, he should have forwarded the letter to all of her friends and asked them to help her in obtaining help. I could laugh if this exchange occurred in three weeks, but three years? She's psycho alright, but sorry to be a wet blanket, its too serious to be funny.

At 6/30/2005 07:29:00 AM, Blogger Omachonu said...

I laughed at her e-mail, and laughed even harder at his response.

I give him props, for responding rather than sulking and saying my ex-girlfriend is really crazy.

At 6/30/2005 07:56:00 AM, Blogger Baltic Waves said...

After three years she should be over it. Kudos to his responses to her demands! As a female myself , I can understand being mad etc... in the first week or so , but three years ? If she is doing so well whats the problem with running into him once in a while? There's nothing like showing off how well you've done since the ex boyfriend/husband has been gone!

At 6/30/2005 08:21:00 AM, Blogger Eunice said...

The big question is, how long were they actually together that it has taken her three years to begin to deal with the break up? 6 months? A year? Clearly this was not a real long-term relationship.

Most women have thoughts along the lines of, "I really hope I don't run into my ex," but most do not formulate a lifelong plan to assure that it does not happen. They also do not expect their ex to agree to their insane demands.

If she really doesn't ever want to see him again, she should cut all of her ties and move to China.

I hope she runs into him with his new woman when she least expects it.

At 6/30/2005 09:59:00 PM, Anonymous Tina said...

Now that was funny!

That poor woman has some real problems. I can't remember ever thinking like that. I always thought that if anyone was stupid enough to break up with me, they were too dumb to worry about :o)

At 7/01/2005 05:36:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

to answer a couple questions... it was 11 years that they were together. they were dating until about dec/jan of this past year. he had been cheating for 3 years, but she should probably just get over that is what i assume you will say. but he was cheating. it is actually a huge mess and has hurt a lot of people. this email was sent to his friends as a joke, he alted her letter greatly and then wrote his very sarcastic and wiity response to a very sarcastic and witty email she had written him. he didn't send it to her, she has seen it, as you can imagine, as has most of the US and other countries as we have come to find out. she really isn't crazy! the month they broke up he was still talking about marriage, if that tells you anything. he is good at the games, a politician through and through. i hope that helps a little. i hope you understand a little better her perspective. if you have any questions shoot. i will be happy to answer. and just for the record...i am not sarah, but i am very close to the situation and have been friends with both of them for a very long time! so i am here to help explain if needed. but she isn't crazy. he is witty, i will admit thaqt, but in this case it was used in a very poor fashion in an attempt to destroy someone he onced loved very much. it takes all kinds

At 7/02/2005 02:09:00 AM, Anonymous Me, Myself and I said...

Thanks Anon for this update..what a piece of shit this ass is...really, needs major straightening out..and i take it back, do not want to introduce her to my ex...Maybe the ass was just projecting..who knows...

At 7/07/2005 09:05:00 AM, Anonymous Drew said...

I actually am a student here at Wabash, working this summer. This letter made it's rounds late last month. Before it was posted all over the interent.

I can attest to it's validity. I know the last name of Davey and have met him before.

The response is truely a wabash response. WAF

At 7/07/2005 06:01:00 PM, Anonymous Drew said...

And the crap about 11 years is bullshit. They've been broken up for 3 years and he didn't alter the original. I know, because i've seen it.

At 7/08/2005 01:29:00 PM, Anonymous Jennifer said...

Drew, you are a moron...you've allegedly met the Davey person once and now you're an expert on the situation? Oh, that's right you are working at Wabash this summer and that automatically makes you an expert in someone's relationship that you met ONCE! I can now see how one equates to the other. I'm not Sarah, I'm not the "anonymous" person (although I know, or have strong feeling as to, who they are) but I can tell you that I know both of them from high school. I can further state (and Drew, I can actually verify this, can you?) for a fact that they didn't break-up three years ago as they were still together as of December. While I will admit that math is certainly not my strong suit--I count 7 months. How do you and Davey come up with over 36 months, is this "Wabash Math"? My last comment, really, you saw the actual letter that Davey received from her, not the one that is circulating around the Internet? Let's hear how you and your Wabash ways came across this.

At 7/08/2005 09:54:00 PM, Anonymous anna said...


I couldn't have said it better myself. I tip my hat to you.

At 7/19/2005 01:52:00 PM, Anonymous JUST A PASSER BY said...



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