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Rantings of a Sandmonkey

Be forewarned: The writer of this blog is an extremely cynical, snarky, pro-US, secular, libertarian, disgruntled sandmonkey. If this is your cup of tea, please enjoy your stay here. If not, please sod off

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Foamy's Katrina's Rant

I first saw Foamy the Squirrel back in 2003 when I was in College. I was in love with his first rant, which is no longer available in his videos section. Thankfully, the script of his rant is still on the website, and it's funnier then anything I will write today, so here it is: There are certain types of people in this world that just piss me off to no end. The type of people who come up to you and ask you for advice, and then when you give them advice they don't take the advice. They just come back to you a week later and they're like “I can't believe how everything turned out so wrong”. You wanna know why everything turned out so wrong? Because you didn't take my advice and you're fucking stupid. That's what went wrong: you didn't listen to me. I know all. The other type of person are those insignificant peons, who just have to validate themselves by being in a relationship. You know what! It's pathetic, it's weak minded and you show no inner strength whatsoever. Get over the girlfriend, get over the boyfriend or whatever the fuck your yearning for and live fucking life. People who stalk their ex-girlfriend particularly piss me off. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Don't you have better things to do with your life than be emotionally attached to someone who hates your guts? Do something with your life. Find a hobby. You know... geez... do you know how many video games are out there that you could be playing? At the very least shoot yourself (in a joking tone). Get yourself out of society, nobody wants to deal with a stalker. Other types of people that I hate: people who ruin your favorite diner. You know, the type of person that you’re usually friends with until they go to the diner and start dating a waitress there and then have some kind of wierd rocky relationship and everytime you go to the diner here-after there’s that weird vibe in the air. People like this, really need food poisoning. I am so sick of these fucking bastards ruining my favorite spots. Another type of person I particularly hate are those fucking slime-balls with the slick black hair, that usually end up going to bars and shit like that on friday, saturday, sunday night, to see if they can pick up chicks. And all they do is walk around with these fucking stupid velvety shirts with their dumb-ass fat hairy chests exposed to the world, as if they were the sexiest thing on the face on the earth. You know what!, you're a middle aged loser, nobody wants to see your hairy chest. Either throw yourself in front of traffic or overdose, please! Nobody wants to hear this bullshit anymore; time for some revaluation of ones life. I also dislike people who all they do is talk about their problems with their insignificant other... you know what? I don't care about your fucking relationship problems, you can just shove them up your ass for all I care! Nobody wants to hear about how your girlfriend doesn't like you or how your boyfriend is ignoring you... Nobody cares! It only pertains to your own little world, which in the grand scheme of things is minute and pathetic and nobody ever really ever wants to hear it. Shut your mouth, choke on your food, and die! You ever have a good friend and then you go out some place and they always have to bring their fucking girlfriend; and their girlfriend turns out to be somebody you just want to kill... I mean really kill; like jump up and down and kill. And then chop up their body into 15 different parts and flush various parts down the toilet and bury the others and others get thrown in the sewer. You know, the type of person whose parents should have had an abortion before they even walked the earth. You know that kind of crap, these type of fucking pieces of crap really just need to be killed with some piano wire around the throat. I can’t take it anymore. I also can’t stand people who stay at home and listen to “every rose has it’s thorn” like it’s the world’s most depressing song. 1. The song sucks 2. You’re fucking pathetic for listening to it Take the CD out, crack it in half and then slit your wrist with the broken pieces. It’s over! They’re done; you’re done. kill yourself. And in closing, you know it’s shit like this that pisses me off it’s just these types of people that have no “inner soul” no nothing, they just revolve around their own pathetic little world with no consideration for what’s going on around them. They have no sense or grasp of reality and really need to be taken off the face of this earth, they have no substance, they have no control over themselves... And they really need to be put to sleep... permanently. Thank you for listening. Ahh, me loves Foamy! It's therefore with shame that I report that I had forgot all about him, until I got an e-mail showing me his Katrina rant, and it's as priceless and funny as all of his other stuff. If you like his style, then-by all means-Go check it out here!

2 Comments:

At 9/13/2005 04:32:00 PM, Blogger Jeremy said...

LMAO! I love it. Foamy rules! I know about a dozen people I want to share this with. I live in Alabama and we're up to our eyeballs in people from Mississippi, Louisiana, and south Alabama who fled Katrina at the moment so I'm getting a little annoyed with all the political bull going on. Everytime I hear someone b*tch about the response I want to hand them an airline ticket to New Orleans, a bucket, and a pair of waders and tell them, "Well get going! All that water isn't going to bail itself."

 
At 9/13/2005 06:50:00 PM, Anonymous Tina said...

Now THAT is a rant! I loved it. I got so mad at the FOX and CNN reporters (never watch MSNBC so don't know about them) who drove to the same overpass day after day to rant about the poor people having no water. WHY DIDN'T THEY LOAD UP SOME WATER IN THE BACK OF THE SUV EVERYDAY?????

 

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