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Rantings of a Sandmonkey

Be forewarned: The writer of this blog is an extremely cynical, snarky, pro-US, secular, libertarian, disgruntled sandmonkey. If this is your cup of tea, please enjoy your stay here. If not, please sod off

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Short Takes

TALK, v.t. To commit an indiscretion without temptation, from an impulse without purpose.

(Me and Julia talking on AIM) Julia: So whatchu up to these days? Me: Me? I guess you could say I am a democracy activist. What about you? Julia: I am a Booty activist! Me: LoL Me: You Me: You Dirty!

( Me and Dina talking on the phone yesterday) Dina: So are they really like arresting people for wearing pot leafs shirts and stuff like that? Me: Yep Dina: That sucks. That’s soo stupid. What’s wrong with them? Me: Dunno, but my guess is, we are gonna become more moral and Islamic as time goes. By the way, How do you look in a veil? Dina: What? You think girls might have to wear veils? Oh shit. You are right. Offfff. Now my family will start giving me shit about what I wear or don’t wear. Like I needed this shit in my life. You know something: Things are getting worse in this country. Me: See, that’s why I am thinking of escaping it by June. Go to the States, London or Dubai or something. Anywhere but here. Wanna come with? Dina (all excited all of a sudden): Really? You are leaving? Then yes, definitely take me with you. Allah. We will escape together. You will be like my luvaah! Me: Yeah, I am sure your family would luv that!

1. adhering to, agreeing with; expressing only the safest opinions. 2. hurtful, sadistic

(Me and Andrea talking at her place) Andrea: So, they are arresting people who they suspect of smoking weed. Me: Yep. Andrea: So, should we like, get rid of the 3 Kilos of weed we brought back with us from Sinai last week? Cause, you know, that would suck! Me: Nahh, I see no need. You are a pretty American girl, the police would never bother you or arrest you. They would then have to deal with your embassy and that will be too much of a headache. They generally don’t bother foreigners, especially Americans, in Egypt about anything, so you have nothing to worry about really. Andrea: Wait, that’s right. I forgot about that. That’s why that cop let me go after that car accident. Sweet! I love being an American in your country. Get all the special treatment and shit. So, tell me Sam, how does it feel to be a second class citizen in your own country? Me: I dunno Andrea, how does it feel to be female in a male dominated world? Andrea: Not bad at all actually. As you said, I am pretty, so I usually get things my way! Can you say the same about yourself? Me: You know something? I hate you. You suck. Go away! Andrea: Heheheheheheehe! Awwww. Poor baby! Hehehe!
( Me and My mom and her driver Hassan talking yesterday) Hassan: Did I tell you Ma’am? My son Mohamed has just finished memorizing the Koran. He now memorized the whole thing. Mom: Aww. That’s great to hear Hassan. Mabrook (Congratulations). Me: Mabrook Hassan. Say, isn’t Mohamed only 8 years old? Hassan: No no, he is not 8 years old. He is 6 years old. I got him started on memorizing the Koran when he was 5. Me: Really? 6 years old you say and memorized the whole Koran? That’s very impressive! Hassan: Thank you sir. You know, they say whoever memorized the whole Koran , angels come and kiss his eyes when he is asleep. Me: That’s great Hassan. Now tell me something. Did he understand what he memorized? Mom (Softly while giving me the “what the hell are you doing” look): Saaam! Hassan ( confused): What mr. Sam? What do you mean? Me: Well, I was just wondering, since he memorized the whole Koran, did he understand what he memorized? You know, what the suras mean and everything? Hassan ( amused at how naïve I am): No of course not mr. Sam. He is only 6 years old. Of course he doesn’t understand what he memorized means. Me: Well, then I have a question for you. Which is better: Memorizing something or understanding it? ( My mom squeezed my leg in an indication to stop) Hassan: Well, understanding it of course. If you memorize something and you don’t understand it, then what’s the point? You would be like a parrot. Me ( mumbling to my self): Well at least its good that you realize that! Hassan: Huh? Did you say something sir? Me: Me? Nahh. Nope, Hassan. Didn’t say a thing! ( Mom hits my leg with her hand) Me: OWWWW!
( Later on that day) Mom: You better watch out what you say in public Sam. Some things you can not just talk about the way you do. They would get you in trouble, especially these days! Me: Yes Mom. Mom: Cause if you don’t watch out one day you will be kidnapped and I won’t even know where you will be imprisoned, let alone get you out! Me: Ok mom, I will do exactly as you say. Mom: Good boy! I always said you were.. Me (interrupting here and continuing): From this day on I will continue letting fear dictate my life like the rest of you. Mom: Youhhh, talking to you is pointless.
Ahh, the sordid life I lead!


At 4/19/2005 03:13:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great stories, SM. THanks!

At 4/19/2005 03:35:00 AM, Blogger lori said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 4/19/2005 04:09:00 AM, Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 4/19/2005 05:05:00 AM, Anonymous Hellme said...

Why do you delete posts?

At 4/19/2005 05:23:00 AM, Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

The one by Lori was a 40 line single line ads for penis enlragment pills and some mdeicine called termadol. the one by me was me saying "WTF?" and that's it. Since i figured it's pretty stupid to have those 2 posts, i removed them. Is that a problem for you Hellme?

At 4/19/2005 05:32:00 AM, Blogger Josie said...

Hee hee... great Sam, thanks for sharing.

At 4/19/2005 05:39:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just some advice from someone who is older, but not too old not to remember her youth, don’t do drugs. I saw too many intelligent people ruin their lives and future with drugs in my youth. Your mind is the greatest gift God gave you. We reach to God and worship Him with our minds. All human activities and emotions have been observed and documented by scientist in the animal kingdom, from war to homosexuality to selfless acts of sacrifice, but the one human activity, which has never been observed by scientists in the animal kingdom is the worship of a deity. Protect your mind it is what allows you to recognize your spirit and God.

At 4/19/2005 08:29:00 AM, Anonymous Hellme said...

Actually, it is. It means blogger isn't immune to spam.

I'm just trying to get on your nerves ya 3am.

At 4/19/2005 09:47:00 AM, Blogger Kat said...

Sam...I am torn between telling you to listen to your mother or telling you to march on my brother.

About democracy anyway, I am not endorsing the drug thing. LOL

Anyway, that was very interestng about your driver and his son. Very opposite of your own ideals.

At 4/19/2005 10:08:00 AM, Blogger AlanK said...


Lucky that you have so many hot girls around, also liked the story with the taxi driver

At 4/19/2005 10:17:00 AM, Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

Oak, just to set the record straight: I do NOT do drugs in EGYPT! I do girls that do drugs- if you consider weed drugs- but i don't do any kind of drugs in this country.

The reasons are numerous and we are not gonna list them, allright?

However, i am not one for setting boundaries on people's freedom to do them if they wish. I do not think all drug-use is dangerous, the same way i know that for some people it could end up tragicly. But, since i am a big believer in freedom of choice and personal responsbility ( libertarian, hello?)i believe that the government should not limit someone's freedom to harm themselves if they chose to do so, at the same time i believe that if you do get harmed then it's your own damn fault and responsbility. Ohh, and if you end up hurting others because of it, i have no problem with throwing your ass in jail till the next century. Freedom and responsbility go hand in hand, If you are not responsible and you end up causing harm to others because of the choice you made (drunk driving for example), then you do not deserve your freedom. Simple! End of Story!

I know most of you will disagree, but that's fine! Freedom of speech is something i also happen to support! :)

At 4/19/2005 11:13:00 AM, Blogger Kat said...

You know, I thought you might have been joking but I wasn't 100% sure.

In any case, now I know why I feel such an affinity for the sandmonkey..libertarian with responsibility ideas. way out there. LOL

At 4/19/2005 01:03:00 PM, Blogger gatorbait said...

Sam, if you need to split, hollar. Bring Dina with you, she sounds like a kick. You know where I am and still have my number.

At 4/19/2005 01:26:00 PM, Blogger Bedouin Cowboy said...

Hey, what did you delete the penis-enlargement ad for! That could have been very useful ... er, I mean for some other people of course.


At 4/19/2005 01:45:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sally would look great in that t-shirt. What color?

At 4/19/2005 09:14:00 PM, Blogger J. Francis Lehman said...

Authority must be challenged, every minute of every hour of every day, to prove that it is on the side of justice and truth. As long as it can establish this, it should be respected and obeyed. The moment it cannot establish this, it is no longer a rightful authority, and all good free people are obligated to fight against it until it is vanquished.

And smoking pot is not doing drugs. I smoked pot daily for years; it does not eat your brain. Now, it does increase snarkiness and libertarian leanings, but that's a good thing!

And how can a person be libertarian without believing in personal rsponsibility, kat?

At 4/20/2005 02:33:00 AM, Blogger Kelli said...

Pot IS so a drug. It may not "eat" your brain but it definetly makes you high and dysfunctional.

Of course if you smoke regularly you can become quite functional. But dont try to teach your aunt how to use the internet when she's just smoked a joint before you came over. She couldn't type for beans and she's a writer.

She told me the other day her doctor said pot is better for her than cigarettes. Just justifies her smoking pot at least my whole lifetime. Still she cant figure out how to manage online. Strange.

At 4/20/2005 02:37:00 AM, Blogger Kelli said...

Oh, sorry Sam. I really enjoyed the dialog. Especially the challenge to the cab driver. But like your mom said you should be careful. And Hawaii is always nice to escape to so let me know if you end up in town. :)


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