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Rantings of a Sandmonkey

Be forewarned: The writer of this blog is an extremely cynical, snarky, pro-US, secular, libertarian, disgruntled sandmonkey. If this is your cup of tea, please enjoy your stay here. If not, please sod off

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Random thoughts

1) Daisy Duck is a bitch. Donald is way too good for her. 2) The only thing more important than saying “NO, you don’t look fat in that outfit” when she asks you the first time, is the deep sincerity with which you must say “Really” when she asks you the second time. 3) When a girlfriend and a mouse are in the same room, a man does not belong on the chair. 4) Nobody on a political talk show has ever convinced a fellow panelist of anything. Never happened. Never will. 5) There is nothing that can be marketed that can not be marketed better using the voice of James Earl Jones. 6) Ruby is not sexy and she can not dance (sorry Jeff). She just tries too hard. 7) It’s in my experience that lesbians make the best breakfast, followed closely by straight French girls. 8) No matter how hard you practice, you can not say “Yeah, right” without sounding sarcastic. 9) There is no excuse for Speedos. 10) Did you ever notice that the space between a woman’s breasts and pelvic region is called a “waist”? Who named it that? 11) The most passionate relationships are always left unresolved! 12) Soft Tacos Rule, Hard Tacos SUCK! 13) When you turn 23, you are no longer allowed to use “Party” as a verb. 14) White people who use the term “Dawg” need to be kicked repeatedly in the groin. The same applies to Asians. 15) If someone begins an opinion by saying “Now I’m not [fill in the blank]”, then that person is “[fill in the blank]”. 16) When intellectuals are white, they are called intellectuals. When they are black, they are called “Black intellectuals”. 17) Dentists are never funny. The same applies to Proctologists. 18) Not all babies are cute. Most of them are rather unpleasant looking! 19) If someone calls you a “credit to your race”, he is not complimenting you; He is actually insulting your whole race. 20) If there is one thing that comes out of a terrible tragedy, it’s really dumb legislation.


At 6/07/2005 05:32:00 AM, Blogger Josie said...

I think white folks or anybody for that matter can use "Dawg" as long as it has something to do with the mascot of the University of Georgia. LOL

At 6/07/2005 07:33:00 AM, Blogger gatorbait said...

14) White people who use the term “Dawg” need to be kicked repeatedly in the groin.

Man, the Georgia fans are going to have something to say about this.
Besides,as a Southerner, I have been accused of pronouncing Dog as Dawg.. Of course, Ah have no axcint, nun a'tall.

At 6/07/2005 08:13:00 AM, Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

Ok, fine , White people-with the exception of Georgia fans- who use the term "Dawg".........

Happy now people?

At 6/07/2005 09:59:00 AM, Anonymous Jeff said...

You bastard. My new goal in life is to get called a credit to my race. I can only think of associating with the Black Panthers.

At 6/07/2005 12:15:00 PM, Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

Jeff, how about working for the negro college fund or the rainbow coallition? I bet that could work as well!

I am guessing the only white boy that could be called a credit to his race by other ethnic group is probably Eminem, altough i hear that a lot of black people don't like how much money he was able to make doing black music. Brings back Elvis memories.

One might wonder though, if white people did not steal rock and roll from balck people, would hip hop have been created? Would there be the metal heads black kids and the hip hop black kids? I mean, the only black people i know in rock bands now are the lead singer of seven dust( his name is lajoon or something) and the 2 black guys in the dave matthews band. Do you think there would be more?

At 6/07/2005 04:14:00 PM, Blogger gatorbait said...

Yeah,Sam, I'm happy now. Dawg.

By the way, you're right about straight French women, too. There's a memory!

Ruby's not sexy? Maybe not, she is pretty blatent, that works, too.

At 6/07/2005 05:51:00 PM, Blogger programmer craig said...

How'd you get lesbians to make you breakfast, Sandmonkey? I tried that once, and it was all "Yeah I love you too, make your own fucking breakfast" and stuff :\

At 6/07/2005 07:39:00 PM, Anonymous PE said...

The guy in Bloc Party is black.

At 6/07/2005 10:45:00 PM, Blogger programmer craig said...

Jimi Hendrix was black... but he's dead :\

It was the British who stole Rock from American blacks though, Elvis stole it back.


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