7 Questions

To all my muslim readers, I noticed that some of you always have the same questions and criticisms to me ever since that Cartoon Controversy started and especially after the Al Fagr discovery. Since I am lazy and tired of answering the same questions over and over again, I decided to provide you all with the answers to your questions right here, so I can just refer you and any future questioner to this post instead of typing the same stuff over and over again. There we go:

You are showing these cartoons out of context. Why don’t you translate what is written in those articles in arabic so that people can see what the newspaper had to say about this?

Gladly. The title on the first page says: "Cartoons used to mock the Prophet and his wives", while the inside article with the cartoons says "the vile act still continues". It’s an article that condemns the printing of the cartoons, and mentions the story behind them, and reports on how it’s another example of the west’s campaign to attack Islam. They also did that during Ramadan.

Ok, satisfied? We happy? Still doesn’t make a difference. The point is that those cartoons were published in a widely circulated Egyptian newspaper, during Ramadan, and no one said shit. No one mentioned it anywhere. No one condemned anything. And don’t tell me it’s because that paper isn’t widely circulated. I had a copy at home by coincidence, Freedom For Egyptians had one too, and I am sure many many other people bought that paper and said nothing, by proof of the fact that no one ever scanned those cartoons off of that newspaper and sent it out in the gazillion e-mails that were forwarded in regards of that issue.

But let’s say that no one read it, or not enough people read it. Well, let me refer you to the argument of the IT Guy in my company, one of the biggest forwarder of the “support the prophet” e-mails and someone who was truly enraged by the discovery that those cartoons were published in Egypt last October. I tried to calm him down by saying that it was Ramadan, and people were probably not concentrating because of the fasting and therefore didn't pay attention that such a thing got printed and he said “But Adel Hamoudah is very known. What? No other Newspapers read his newspaper? Not a single Newspaper editor in Egypt read this? No one in Al Ahram or Al Akhbar saw this and thought that this was wrong. That this was an issue that should be addressed in their newspapers as well? How could they get printed and no one says anything? How is that possible?”

I didn’t know how to answer his question. I told him that my best guess was that they must have thought it wasn’t a news worthy story. That didn’t calm him down one bit though.

But You continue to miss the point that they printed those cartoons in order to inform us of the great insult to the prophet the newspaper was making. Do you see now why the fact that they are published is not indicative of anything?

No, actually, they are indicative of a lot. The People who are behind this “outrage” are not saying that it’s Haram (forbidden) to make cartoons mocking or making fun of the prophet; They are saying it’s Haram to do any kind of illustration of the prophet in any context, period. That includes, in their eyes, any image of the prophet that was made, printed, copied, re-copied for any purpose or reason. Any such image is Haram, regardless of whether their intent is to mock or inform. Ask any Imam you would like on this, he will tell you that I am correct.

This is why none of the Egyptian newspapers who reported on this story ever showed the cartoons in their pages. Hell, that’s the reason why not a single arab newspaper showed those cartoons either, instead opting for the “Hallal” choice of just describing them to people. The Majority of the people who got outraged over this and boycotted Denmark never even saw those cartoons to begin with. They just heard that Denmark showed a cartoon that portrayed the prophet and showed him as a terrorist, and that’s all it took for them to go nuts with the whole thing.

So, for Al Fagr to print it, and on the front page, during Ramadan nonetheless, is an offense worthy of having at least an apology by Adel Hamoudah, not to mention just a little outrage, if not a Fatwa on his ass by some of our Fatwa-happy clerics. None of this happened then, none of this is happening now, even with Al Fagr admitting that they did print the cartoon back then. And THAT's my point and the point of every person who considered this as ultimate proof of the hypocrisy of the whole crisis and how this whole thing was instigated for political purposes from the beginning, with the muslim worldwide population falling for it.

You must be a Christian or a Jew. You can not be a Muslim. What’s your religion?

Ahh, that infamous question. I bow down to your superior intellectual deductive reasoning that revealed my cover. Nope. Sorry. Hate to disappoint you, but I am muslim, my Mother is Muslim, my Father is Muslim, and my whole Family is Muslim. But while we are at it, do you realize how stupid this criticism tactic makes you look? So like, if a someone who had a valid criticism of Islam just happens to be a Christian, does that make his criticism any less valid? Is that what you are saying? Does that work the other way around? Does that mean that any Muslim who may have a valid criticism of Christianity or Judaism or any other religion should have his criticism discounted because he is muslim? Or am I not a muslim just because I don’t agree with YOU and YOUR POINT OF VIEW on everything in regards to Islam and Muslims? Last I checked, there was only one Prophet, and you are not him, so shut the hell up and stop using this stupid argument! You are making yourself look like an idiot!

But don’t you see that you are hurting the cause of Islam by doing this and helping its enemies attack it? Don’t you get how badly viewed muslims in Europe are?

Actually, I am aiding the cause of Islam by what I am doing more than anything you’ve ever done. Most of you do more damage to the image of Islam with your irrationality, emotional outbursts, retarded boycott movements, and rioting than any cartoon ever did or could hope to do. I , and the people who are like me, present to the west an alternative view of the muslims than the one they are used to see. I don’t even want to count how man e-mails I have gotten from Danish people thanking me for being a force of rationality in this debate, apologizing for anything they have ever done to offend us, and wondering why the muslims the world over are boycotting the whole country of Denmark and burning its flags and embassies. They would ask me :”Don’t they know that we support the arab causes? Don’t they know that we support the Palestinian cause? That we provide them with aid and stick up for them politically? Why are they burning our flags and threatening our people?”. Imagine when you have to answer them with: “Well, ehh..one of your newspapers made a cartoon of the prophet that really offended them!” Get mad at them all you want, but the Danes did not deserve this and it was wrong to punish them all for what a newspaper there did. They know this, and if people like me did not exist, they would think that all the Muslims and arabs in the world are of the kind that makes up those demonstrations the world over.

And speaking of those morons, please answer me that: Who hurts the cause of Islam more- Me, or people who chant “Bin Laden, explode Copenhagen”? And concerning how the muslims in Europe are presented, well, with people like these demonstrating for the prophet, and not a single muslim counter-demonstrating them, what are they supposed to think? I mean, do you understand that Europe may have a good reason to be mad at its muslim population? That maybe the fact that they had bomb attacks in Spain and Britian, and almost had the city of Paris torched down may make them just a little, I don’t know, peeved at muslims? That maybe when they see signs saying “Butcher those who mock Islam”, “Prepare for the real Holocaust”, and “Europe, your 9/11 is on its way!” and guys dressed up as a suicide bombers in a demonstration decrying those cartoons, just maybe, they would think that muslims are crazy violent people? Who hurts the image and cause of Islam more, me or them?

But surely, as a muslim, you want Islamic principles to exist and spread in the west as well, no?

Ehh, sure, when we set an example of by following and spreading the Islamic religion’s principles in the middle-east first. Let me elaborate by telling you a story.

I was sitting with one of the Islamic scholars that goes and tries to spread Islam in the west. A really well educated old guy with perfect English and everything. He told me that in his last trip he went with a group of muslim scholars to spread the religion, they formed a Seminar on Islam, where they presented the usual Islamic marketing points: Islam is the religion of Peace, Islam is the religion of Knowledge, Islam is the religion of Democracy, etc etc… It was all going well until the Q&A segment of their seminar and then the questions started.

The first question was if Islam was the religion of peace, how do they explain all the conflicts the world over that Islam is a party in, to which they responded with the usual “Every conflict is different and sectarian conflicts are not exclusive to Islam, e.g. Northern Ireland” response. So then they were asked but how would they explain all the terrorist attacks and killing of civilians that goes on in the name of Islam, and they responded by saying “that it was an extremist minority, that every religion has its fanatics and that its wrong to judge the religion by that minority’s actions”. So far, so good, right? And then the next question came:

“You guys say that Islam is the religion of Knowledge and that it encourages seeking knowledge and science. Can you tell us how many Nobel prize winners in the past 100 years were muslims or came from muslim countries?” They couldn’t answer. Then the next question came “ You say that Islam is the religion of democracy. Can you tell us how many Islamic countries in the world that are democracies?” And the Imams were like “Shit!”. He told me that they couldn’t answer, that they were cornered and their argument defeated by the behavior of muslims worldwide. He lamented that naturally those people wouldn’t believe that Islam is the religion of all those things, when almost none of the muslim countries employ those principles themselves. I mean, how could they?

So yeah, I say let’s show those Islamic tenets of tolerance, peace, knowledge and democracy in our countries first, and then try to export it outside. Trust me on this, you would get much better results by leading by example than postelizing ideas that almost no one in the Islamic world implements. Do that first, then move it to Europe, ok?

Surely you agree that the religious beliefs of people need to be respected by society and by law from being mocked in such an offensive way?

No, actually I don’t agree to that at all. Let me quote Andrew Sullivan here and say “that a self-confident faith is not this defensive and touchy. It can and must brush off provocation, or be consumed by it.” It’s that simple. Islam should expect to get ridiculed, mocked and provoked by its critics and enemies alike, and it should respond in kind, i.e. dialogue, not by killing those who disagree with it.

But I do like that proposal of having people’s religious beliefs respected by all societies by law. I propose we do implement it immediately when it comes to Islam, Christianity and Judaism. Right this minute.

I also call in the name of tolerance for all cow-worshipping Hindus (the hundreds of millions of them) that we cease eating cow meat, cheese, the abomination called the cheeseburger, Leather products of all kind, and any cartoons depicting cows in any way or shape. And for that to happen in every country in the world, especially muslim countries, in the name of tolerance and understanding. While we are at it, I demand the same rights extended to the scientologists, all 10 million of them, by never making fun of our aliens from space ancestors in any way ever again. Movies such as war of the worlds and Independence day should be burned, their stars heavily reprimanded, and the President of the USA should apologize for them. Especially War of the Worlds. And while we are at it, behead Tom cruise, who is a scientologist who starred in such a blasphemous movie. Hell, behead him anyway. And please, let's not forget the 10 million Pastafarians, those who worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster and were touched by his noodely appendages, and tolerate their views as well by burning down the Ramen noodles factories all over the world, banning all kinds of pasta from ever getting eaten or having spaghetti lampooned in any way, shape or form because this is blasphemous to their beliefs. And again I call for that to happen in every country in the world, especially muslim countries, in the name of tolerance and understanding. I also call upon all the muslims who demand such special treatment from Europe to lead by example on this whole thing!

Now do you get why we can’t do that? Why once we start bending free speech in the name of tolerance and understanding of one religion, we will have to accommodate all religions the same way? That the moment we start drawing red lines for sensitivity’s sake for one faith, we would have to do that for all faiths, even the incredibly ridiculous ones? Do you understand why we can’t compromise on freedom of speech in the name of sensitivity for people’s beliefs? Do you get it?

Fine Mr. Smart ass, what should we do next time someone does that? Just sit there and take it while they insult our beliefs and attack our Prophet?

I didn’t say that, although ignoring them is certainly a valid option, especially if you know that you are on the right side of the issue. As I have previously mentioned, this sensitivity shows a serious lack of confidence in Islam , its prophet and its message. Not to mention, it’s insulting to think that a Prophet exalted by god could get tarnished or mocked by a cartoon.

Anyway, let’s ignore that for a minute and give you guys alternatives, but only after you agree that 1) boycotting a whole country because a Newspaper in it published an offensive cartoon is stupid because you punish the innocent majority with the offending minority, and 2) No matter how pissed off you may be, you should never bomb churches, burn embassies or kill people over such an offense. It’s not a good idea.

Now, for the alternative solutions:

1) The Ahmad solution:

In the spirit of the life of the Prophet, here are 5 ways how the Muslim world could have responded the the Danish cartoons:

1. Apply to the Ministry of Culture in Denmark to organize a big exhibition about the Life of Prophet Mohammad and Islamic History. The Saudi and other Arab governments would finance this event and promote it in a big way in the Danish media. 2. Invite 100 Danish children to come and live with Arab and Muslim families to learn about life in today’s Arab and Muslim world. 3. Invite the editors of the Danish newspaper to a well publicized cultural debate in Doha, Qatar or Copenhagen. 4. The embassies of Arab and Muslim nations could commission a website in Danish about Islam, contemporary muslim thinkers and life in today’s Islamic world. A dedicated staff would respond to incoming questions and request for information. 5. Subtitle the movie ‘The Message’ in Danish and try to get many movie theaters and cultural centers in Denmark to show it.

This solution is good because it addresses the issue at hand: the misrepresentation of the Prophet, and handles it in a very decent, and civilized way. It also addresses the serious flaw that all of these people who are losing it and demanding an apology from the PM of Denmark are missing: That any apology they will get now will not be an acknowledgment of error in the insult to the prophet’s image, but rather a response to calm you crazy people down. It’s like me calling you names and only apologizing once a gun is pointed towards my head: It’s not sincere, and I am only doing it to get you not to kill me. That’s not Respect, that’s fear, and that’s not what you want. You want people to respect Islam and not fear it. For you people I say Ahmad’s solution is the way to go.

But since not all of you are that nice and civilized, and you would like those who insulted the prophet to be punished, there are other meaner ways to getting back at them and they are coming right ahead.

2) The Legal action solution: This is the one where you sue the publication that printed those cartoons that insulted you. You sue the hell out of them, and you sue them everywhere you could. You sue them in Denmark, all over the EU, and in all over the Arab countries if you could. Sue them for Libel, for racism against Islam, for emotional distress, for irrevocable emotional damages, for anything you could. Drain them financially by having all their money going to Lawyers. Hit them where it hurts: their wallets.

Not only will that solution provide you your revenge, it will ensure that the Newspaper, or anyone else who heard of it, would do such a thing again out of fear of such an onslaught of lawsuits. You win by peacefully and civilly taking out those- and only those- who offended you and the Prophet, with no worldwide damage to the image of Islam, any place burned or any people dead.

3) The economic terrorism solution: This is the solution where you open up that Newspaper that offended you so much, and you see who advertises in it and write down a list of those companies. You then research those companies, and find out where they are located and who their President is. Afterwards you send that information out to all the people like you that you know, and start a letter writing campaign to all of those companies informing them that you were so offended by the cartoon/article/whatever in the Newspaper, call it racist, and inform the company that if they continue buying ad space there, that you would have to consider it racist as well, and thus not going to buy its products anymore. Send that same letter/e-mail to all the companies who advertise there, and make sure that everyone you know that thinks like you does the same. Make a press conference that announces what you are doing to get publicity for it and get the word out, and then watch in 2 weeks as said publication declares bankruptcy as you are toasting victory with your non-alcoholic champagne.

This solution understands that any form of media relies on advertisement as a major source for their income. It’s what keeps them going and covers their expenses, and if no one advertised there anymore, they would go out of business. It’s what the conservatives in the US do when they see something on the media that pisses them off, and it works. Not to mention, imagine the amount of readership the newspaper would lose once it gets the reputation of being racist. There is no way out of it for them, you would get your revenge, and afterwards no one in the media will attempt to put something in their newspapers that pisses you off ever again. And if one does, repeat the process as necessary. Soon you won’t have to anymore.

And that is all Folks. If you read this far, then you are a hero. Now at least leave a comment so I can know who you are.