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Rantings of a Sandmonkey

Be forewarned: The writer of this blog is an extremely cynical, snarky, pro-US, secular, libertarian, disgruntled sandmonkey. If this is your cup of tea, please enjoy your stay here. If not, please sod off

Monday, January 03, 2005

You just can't make this stuff up!

You know how the US government always claims to be doing things in its citizens interest? Well it seems that they are ready to put their money where their mouth is.... when it comes to your New Year's resoloution anyway! Apparently the US government really wants to help you keep up with your new year's resoloution, or at least the most common ones anyway(convincing Alexis Bledel and Kristin Kreuk to have my babies isn't listed), so they put them all right here on FirstGov.com- "The U.S. Government's Official Web Portal"- for your convenience . You want to lose weight? Stop drinking? Reduce your stress levels? Well, they have a link for all of that, and all you have to do is to click on it and then you will be forwarded to a federal entity that might be able to help you keep that resoloution. They even have a drinking diary table thingie that you should check out if you are really serious about cutting down on your drinking, even though i can't imagine why you would ever want to do something like that. Sobriety BLOWS!

5 Comments:

At 1/03/2005 01:38:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sandmonkey,
It's WakkaJewbacca. Thanks for the link this morning. You're writing is hilarious. You people reading on this blog have no idea how dead on the Monkey can be. I spent a year and half in classes with this guy and he is exactly as he claims!

 
At 1/03/2005 07:19:00 PM, Blogger Tina said...

Just think, we actually have "public servants" who think these things up. Well, they have to dispose of their budget money before yearend or they might have their budget cut the next year.

 
At 1/03/2005 08:13:00 PM, Blogger Eric Wilner said...

Hmmm... they don't have any of mine... neither the public ones nor the private ones.
Now, if current medical wisdom is to be believed, one of my resolutions should be to drink more alcohol, but for some reason the government doesn't seem to be offering help with that. Maybe the California Wine Council has something....

 
At 1/04/2005 02:18:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are exactly the type of asshole that causes militants around the world to want to fly planes into takk buildings and bomb your shopping malls.

 
At 1/04/2005 03:14:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

#2:18

have a drink.

 

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