No one can kiss ass like us

So here I am coming out of the bathroom after taking a shower, and I spot a newspaper on top of our newspapers stack that had headlines so priceless that I just had to share with y'all. The newspaper is the state-owned Akhbar El Youm, which is the weekly version of the daily "Al Akhbar" newspaper. Momtaz El Kott, the Editor in chief of Akhbar El Youm, was becoming a legendary name in Egyptian circles for his tireless ass-kissing efforts, and now I can see why. Let me share with you some of the frontpage headlines so you can see what I mean: Mubarak to the NDP leadership: Egypt's democratic experiment will lead the region. ( He apparently missed the whole Iraq and Lebanon elections thing) International News Agencies: Egyptian Youth favor the NDP candidate. 100% of the polled have absolute trust that Mubarak will win in a unprecedented landslide. (100%? not a single one doubts it? Wow, why even have an election then?) Mubarak announces that there are specific programs that will provide 4 million new job opportunities for egypt's youth. ( 4 million new jobs? Bush should call this guy. He can fix that economy like that) 7000 NDP conferences all over Egypt today. (Holy Cow) Akhbar El Youm Poll: 69.8% believe that the Elections will be free, valid and unforged. ( The remaining 30% apparently have experienced voting before.) And then there was that one headline, that just stroke me as the ultimate punchline for this joke of a newspaper: All of the presidential candidates have all agreed that the Egyptian Media is fair and balanced and doesn't favor one candidate or party over the other. LOL