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Rantings of a Sandmonkey

Be forewarned: The writer of this blog is an extremely cynical, snarky, pro-US, secular, libertarian, disgruntled sandmonkey. If this is your cup of tea, please enjoy your stay here. If not, please sod off

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Another reason why IMAO rules

Check out their totally fake yet totally awesome editorial by Khalifa bin Zayid al-Nuhayyan of the United Arab Emirates, which I have stolen and posted below: I Want to Kill All Americans and Turn The Entire World into One Muslim State, But That Will Not Affect How We Run the Ports! An Editorial by President Khalifa bin Zayid al-Nuhayyan of the United Arab Emirates As many of you now know, a company owned by my country is about to buy a number of your ports. Any rational look at this deal will see that it benefits both our countries, but, of course, many of you stupid infidels are all opposing this even though you don't understand the slightest thing about it. This whole controversy just makes me want to wipe out all you moron crusaders all the more, but please understand that this port deal is much more important to us than the eventual victory of Islam over the entire world, Allah willing. Get one thing straight, this has nothing to do with port security. Your own Zionist-aligned government does all of that, you abominations to my sight. It's not like because we run a couple cranes in America that suddenly we can sneak in some nerve gas, you idiots. Even if we could, how suicidal do you think we are? If we let terrorists use the ports, it's not like it would take Sherlock Holmes to trace that back to us since we own them. Do you know how rich I am? Do you really think I want to be hiding in some spider hole like that ass Saddam? Of course, I'm using logic that would take a moment's reflection, something that's a little too advance for you mindless critics. This makes me so mad, I want to murder all you Americans in your sleep... until I remember the economic implications of that.

And stop bringing up how two of the 9/11 hijackers came from here; is America responsible for every one of its citizens? If you think the UAE was involved with in planning 9/11, then come out and say it so I can strangle you for your lies. Yes, I cheered for a moment at the deaths of so many infidels... until I remembered how much business we do in New York! My country has a huge per capita income, but it's honestly not the most solid in the world. Implications of us involved in terrorism could knock us over the edge, and, if you took a poll of our citizens, you'd see a near majority consider economic stability more important than mass murder. As much as I want you all to die, we have our own housing bubble to worry about over here. Do any of you understand that? Sometimes I think I'd have to use a pipe bomb to get through your thick skulls.

And honestly, how many of you knew your ports weren't owned by Americans before all this? I swear, if any of you raise your hands, I'll cut them off. None of you knew anything about the ports until the talking heads and harlots jumped on this issue, and suddenly all of you are like, "Oh no! The Arabs are going to run our ports and they want to kill us all!" Hell yes, we want to kill you all, but it's not like we could fit that in our business plan. Have any of you looked at our business plan? Of course not. Holy Allah, I so want to strangle you all!

All I want you stupid infidels to understand is that this deal is all business. All thing being equal, I would stab you all repeatedly and then behead you, but that is not a money making venture. So stop your stupid mouth flapping before you make us so mad that we seriously begin considering using your ports to kill you.

Khalifa bin Zayid al-Nuhayyan is the President of the United Arab Emirates and likes to watch horse and camel racing and plot the destruction of Israel between business ventures.



At 2/24/2006 05:57:00 AM, Anonymous Frank J. said...

How dare you steal my post! And I'd bet you thought you'd get away with it! I'll learn you!
:: shakes fist ::

At 2/24/2006 06:05:00 AM, Blogger thewiz said...

Well, we're making progress here. We finally have at least one government official speaking the truth.

At 2/24/2006 07:13:00 AM, Blogger Blogspat said...

Frank J,

Just as well - I couldn't open your page...

At 2/24/2006 07:18:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am bashing my head against a wall at the moment. Knew the post was non-genuine but felt that it sounded just like something that 'they' would say. I'v gone to the dark side..aaahhhhhhhhh

At 2/24/2006 12:23:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This would actually be funny, if I didn't believe there was a whole lot of truth to it.

Suicide bombers leave families, babies, education, and what-not behind to blow up a couple jo-jews or christians; does anyone really believe these guys could care less about a business venture?


At 2/24/2006 07:20:00 PM, Blogger Scorekeeper said...

I'm not sure how I feel about the Port Deal.

But I have to say that is some funny a** sh**!
I printed out the whole post to read the rest of it.


At 2/24/2006 08:24:00 PM, Anonymous me2 said...

The business interest argument would only work in a rational context - After the embassies burning and death treaths over a few cartoons can you blame the American public for believing that Islam can now generates enough fanatics to carry terrorist attacks contrary to their economical interests?


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