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Rantings of a Sandmonkey

Be forewarned: The writer of this blog is an extremely cynical, snarky, pro-US, secular, libertarian, disgruntled sandmonkey. If this is your cup of tea, please enjoy your stay here. If not, please sod off

Monday, February 06, 2006

Let's play a game

Ok, so I am really bored with all the shit that's going on in the world, and I swear to god I will claw my eyes out if I saw another stupid thing done because some people are mad over a couple of offensive cartoons (serioulsy people, people have died already, over cartoons, do you realize how dumb that is?) that some danish guy drew. So needless to say that I am in a funky mood because of all this, and only you can get me out of it. Yes, You. The person who is reading this. Imagine that! We are going to play a game and everyone will participate. Yes, again, that means you. It's a game that I did not invent, but actually stole from AMG, and you are going to play it anyway. I found it on AMG's blog and it was both fun and dirty, which is exactly what the doctor orderd to take me out of my funk. Rest assured you have no choice not to play. Your participation, as they used to say back in school, is mendatory. The Game goes a little something like this : Post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. You've got free reign. Start your sentence "Remember when you and I...." So people, go on and post your memory with me. Be creative and funny. Get me to laugh please, because even though I am anti-killing myself because my existance pisses off all the right people, slitting my wrists because of all the foolishness that is going on in the world is looking more attractive by the second. Most of you are funny creative people, so let me exploit that just for today. Give me a good and funny fake memory. I am sure you will come up with something cool. I read the comments section, and I know you people are good at making shit up. So, go for it! Go Crazy!


At 2/06/2006 05:26:00 AM, Blogger Daniel in Brookline said...

Remember that great time you and I had, back in November, with the stripper and the swimming pool and the dolphin?

(Next time, maybe we should try it with a female stripper. Oh, and don't forget the KY next time!)


At 2/06/2006 05:29:00 AM, Blogger Josie said...

Remember when you and I were in Daytona Beach & we forgot that it was bike week? LOL! I'll never forget how you lost your hotel room key in the surf and that jerk of a desk clerk wouldn't let you in the security door. I still feel a little bad about making you sleep in the chair in my room, but you know how I feel about pre-marital sex. :)

At 2/06/2006 05:49:00 AM, Anonymous Greg from Lawrenceville said...

Hey Sand the Man, I'm sure you remember that time when you and I decided to audition for Dancing with the Stars? I guess the world just wasn't ready for a cross dressing Egyptian in prime time. And "Get outta my dreams, get into my car" probably wasn't the best song for us to choose with just our one shot. But hey, at least we got to meet Carrot Top. I'll never forget it. It was the best 3 years of my life.

At 2/06/2006 05:55:00 AM, Anonymous Andrew Brehm said...

Sandmonkey and I go WAY back! Must be almost 20 minutes now.

Do you remember when we were hunting for fish back then, in the dessert? Boy were we stupid!

It's not very long or original, but I really say that whenever I meet somebody who seems friendly but whom I have never met before.

At 2/06/2006 06:12:00 AM, Anonymous Hanan Cohen said...

Remember when I visited you in Cairo and we strolled the streets and foolishly I put on a T-shirt with Hebrew on it and the croud started gathering around us and making threatening noises even mentioning violence and suddebly you were'nt there to protect me and at the end of this I had to see an Ejyptian hospital from the inside?

Well buddy, I have found you again and boy, you WILL regret this!

At 2/06/2006 06:29:00 AM, Blogger bucket said...

Do you remember the time you and me decided that this town just wasn't big enough for us anymore?

So we loaded up the Datsun and got out of Dodge.

You insisted on bringing that horrible avocado plant that you had been nursing from a seed, you always loved my guacamole.

We were driving up route 66 to Flagstaff when the fuzz caught us in his radar, but I think it was the Grateful Dead bumper stickers.

When he pulled us over you had the fukking plant in your lap, and you being a sandmonkey the cop was easily lead to thinking we were up to no good.

He told you to get out of the car and to let him see that plant of yours.

You loved that plant, so you thought this would be a good opportunity to brag about your horticulture techniques. All the cop heard was seed, hydroponics, homegrown, and next thing I know you’re in the back of the cruiser!

I asked the cop if I could follow you to booking but he was grumpy and said no.

I am sorry it took me so long to get to the police station but I was hungry and found a place still serving pancakes.

You were so sad when I found you, plantless and violated.

The cops had confiscated the plant as "evidence"

I promised to buy you a new avocado seed that this time I would feign support, encouragement and interest in while you nurtured it's growth. But you would have none of it.

You were angry at me and the world.

That was the last time I saw you Sandmonkey and I just wanted you to know I bought that avocado seed anyway and it grew not one plant...but two. I always took it as a sign that we too had grown apart.

At 2/06/2006 06:41:00 AM, Blogger Jane said...

Hi darling
Do you remember when we went to Vegas, had a little too much to drink, got married by the Elvis impersonator, drank a little bit more, lost $50,000, drank even more and woke up not remembering how we got to Alabama? What a crazy night! Remember how I told you I was on the pill? Well...I lied. A lawyer will be stopping by your place shortly and you should be prepared to give a DNA sample. Thanks!

At 2/06/2006 06:54:00 AM, Anonymous Hans Meyer said...

Remember that evening when we had so much fun dancing at the club?

After that we went to that small restaurant, and you went to the toilet. When you came back, you said: "DUDE! You won't believe what I have just seen. I saw Mohammed Mahdi Akef jerking off to the latest penthouse magazine. He claimed he was doing "research" and that he would make sure a fatwa would be issued against these morally corrupt infidels who had dared to offend the prophet with this magazine as soon as possible."

At 2/06/2006 07:17:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi SM,

Remember when you and I were in Munich and went together to the Oktoberfest wearing Lederhöse. We had a great time drinking mass Bier and ended up with some wonderful Bavarian girls

Cheer up und viel Spaß,
Egyptian in Germany

At 2/06/2006 07:25:00 AM, Blogger stackdogg said...

Remember whe you & I got really messed up after huffing cleaning supplies in my mom's basement? We climbed the steps, which happened to be melting and you commanded "Thow the radio in the bath tub at the peak of White Rabbit" and I was reluctant, as it was a battery powered radio.

Then you claimed you could fly and made your way for the roof. I suggested you try to take off from the ground first, and this seemed like a good idea.

Finally my mother came home and asked "What happened to all my spray starch?" and we just lauighed and laughed, until I remembered I was dead and then it wasn't so funny anymore.

At 2/06/2006 07:34:00 AM, Anonymous Andrew Brehm said...

"When he pulled us over you had the fukking plant in your lap, and you being a sandmonkey the cop was easily lead to thinking we were up to no good."

Yes, but that wasn't Sandmonkey's fault. He didn't do anything wrong, and the evidence turned out to be a plant!


At 2/06/2006 07:43:00 AM, Blogger Um Haleema said...

Hey SM, remember that one time, at Band Camp, when you and I decided to sneak off to be alone because you insisted that we could make beautiful music together if we could only be alone? Oh wait, wait, wait. You said it had to be a fake story didn't you? Nevermind!

At 2/06/2006 07:50:00 AM, Anonymous theDemon said...

remember those great and glorious days, you and me standing on the battlefields? When we used to slay our oponents and defended the one and true god? When we, brothers in arms fought for our prophet and for our religion?
Haven't these been the times, when the screams of the slain and the smell of blood filled the air, wasn't this the only time we've been alive?

What a pity now, that we've realized, that i have no name for god and you call yours Allah... And isn't it so unbelieveable boring to still be alive??!!

- Alright, think you got it :)
greetings from Austria. Though Europeans did better paintings burning buildings are a bit curious for punishing a man who has no greater talent.

At 2/06/2006 07:56:00 AM, Anonymous theDemon said...

i forgot to mention i didn't read the koran, but i read that it isn't forbidden to paint mohammed the prophet. As far as i have heard it says:
You shouldn't make yourself an image of god.

- is that right?
off topic, sry

At 2/06/2006 08:11:00 AM, Anonymous Anat from Israel said...

Remember when you and I went by train from Tel Aviv to Cairo after your vacation in Israel? It was an old train running the same course for some fifty years, and we thought it was high time for a new one to accommodate the heavy traffic.

At 2/06/2006 08:13:00 AM, Blogger Brian B said...


Do you remember when you and I decided to sail up the Nile to its source, then trek across the rest of the continent? Do you remember fighting off a troop of Baboons on the slopes of Kilimanjaro? Do you remeber that Masai princess, that starry night, and her cries of ecstacy that made the distant lions roar? Do you remember the beer in capetown?

Those were the days....

At 2/06/2006 08:28:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

yo SM Remember when we were able to day trip thru different countries seeing different cultures ,and sampling different ethnic foods and pleasures, hash,kwat,coca,pot,beer,rum,butter from denmark, and we wernt worried about being murdered just cause im anglo and your egyptian, remember how we used to be able to visit any mosque or church or pagoda and the locals invited us in ? not to chop off our heads ,But to treat us as guests ? to be respected, not as infidels to be served up for slaughter in the name if some 5th century demi-god ???????
boy those were the good old days huh ???
will we ever be able to do that again ,,, do you think it will ever happen ? i have to wonder !

At 2/06/2006 08:54:00 AM, Blogger Bahram said...

Salam sm, Remember when you and I started the round the world trip? It took 1 year, and in every country we had such a big fun, we drunk south african red wine, we had fortune cakes in san francisco, we visited broadway in NY, we went to sydney for the new year's eve beside the opera house, we payed 16€ just for visiting the Eiffel tower! Did you remember the Ginza district in Tokyo, yes we went 6 in the morning, just to visiting the fishermarkt there. Man, we had a good time!

At 2/06/2006 09:07:00 AM, Anonymous elengil said...

So.. remember, that one time.. at band camp..

oh wait, wrong story.. lets try again:

Remember that day when you and I met? I had never been to the East Coast and was terrified to be there on my own, but I had to get to the hotel somehow so I managed to work up the courage to get on a city bus.

I wasn't entirely sure I was even on the right one so I kept looking around to see if I could recognize anything I was supposed to keep an eye out for.

When I saw you get on, I blushed a little and looked down. It's not polite to stare, after all.

Probably unintentionally, you ended up sitting right across from me, talking on the phone at first. You had a beautiful accent and I couldn't help but listen.

When you hung up you looked over and kept noticing I was looking up at you. You smiled and I laughed and asked you where you were from.

When you told me, I laughed again. Since I was a little girl, I'd loved learning about Egypt and that got you interested in hearing more also.

You asked where I was going, I had forgotten the name of my hotel so when I said just some hotel, you thought I was crazy or a prostitute or something. I nearly slapped you out of your seat for the insinuation but good thing we were both laughing so hard so you were saved ;)

Since you had already done what needed to happen that day, you offered to help show me around and we had to laugh even more at the irony that you were the Egyptian showing the American around a town in her own country.

You told me you knew this fabulous little Middle-Eastern restaurant and I told you the only thing I liked better than ME food was Indian so off we went.

It was a couple blocks from the bus stop so the whole way you pointed out these great old buildings and we took a detour through the park.

You said I was lucky it wasn't raining, since it had been the day before, but now everything glistened wet under the brilliant sun and it was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen.

Finally you got around to asking me why I was here and I said I was seeing a friend. I almost laughed when you got this sullen look on your face thinking I meant a 'boyfriend' but I assured you she was a girl and I was straight.

I said my plane had gotten in early and she couldn't get down to the airport in time so I had told her I'd get a bus and meet her at my hotel instead but I had plenty of time before I needed to be there.

I turned away to hide my blush again when you took my hand, assured I was single, and continued on through the park to the restaurant.

I was finally able to impress you a little with actually knowing what most of the items on the menu were. Home-made falafel.. well *my* home-made anyway - doesn't taste nearly as good as when it's made properly.

I asked about Egypt and you said a lot without saying much, which I guess is to be expected, and I did the same with my home state. We talked mostly of what we liked about our countries and the beauty we find there.

Lunch was as good as the company but all too soon I knew I had to go or I'd be late. You offered to make sure I got to the hotel alright and I wasn't about to turn that down so we walked back to the bus stop, a little quieter this time for knowing we were parting company with a newly found friend.

I couldn't help but think, it's too bad everyone in the Middle-East can't meet face to face with just one person in America like this, then there'd never be another war. I didn't say that though, you still looked happy and why drag politics into a good day?

When the bus stopped at the hotel you got off with me but didn't go inside. A long hug on the street and an exchange of emails with a last, semi-sweet goodbye and our lives once again returned to the world as we left that little piece of peace on earth we had found for a few hours.

I'll always remember the picture I took as you waved goodbye from just down the block, and I pinned it up over my computer.

My friend, forever, even if that is the only time I will ever meet you.


(I'm not always good at humour, but I hope just maybe I can make you smile a little)

At 2/06/2006 09:38:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I remember when I met you at Pearson airport in December and you didn't have warm enough clothing. I lent you my parka and boots and I was surprised to see that you can fit into women's sizes.


At 2/06/2006 10:56:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you remember the time, last week, that you were in NYC and I wanted so badly to come into the city and have lunch with you? Do you remember my telling you that anytime you come to the states I would be more than happy to host you (or any friends that you give the approval to) to stay at my home? Do you remember my telling you that I live less than a mile from SUNY Stony Brook and that any of your friends that care to study at this university are welcome at my house at any time?

At 2/06/2006 11:30:00 AM, Blogger SnoopyTheGoon said...

Remember that night on the base camp near Jomolungma? We actually had no intention to climb that stupid peak, we were there because somebody told us about the psychedelic qualities of yak yogurt drink.

The only thing they didn't tell us was how much we have to drink for the best effect. Of course the stuff was so cheap that we pigged out on it.

The last two things I remember was you barfing into the tent of some peaceful Finnish climbers and how the apparent tree I was pissing onto appeared to be
a huge Canuck and his fist descending on my head...

At 2/06/2006 11:30:00 AM, Blogger egyptiansally said...

do you remember that one time we got kidnapped in morocco? and that one guy, with the 11 toes, took us to casa blanca and tried to sell you for camel meat, but i convinced him the camel wasn't worth it? and then we stayed overnight in this one tent and were eaten alive with mosquitoes so the next day we were all pox-faced and the kidnapper thought we had the bird flu- you were clucking like a chicken for my amusement- and let us go. so then we got lost and we met a waiter from Algeria who gave us enough money to come home and we did, only to be kidnapped and held at kasr el eini for "observation" because word had traveled that we had bird flu and then WHO shut down your blog and confiscated your computer for evidence of feathers.

At 2/06/2006 11:42:00 AM, Blogger Jimmy said...

Remember when you and I were out of school after the school master kicked us out for beating the heck out of that big whale in the handball court. I still remember the moment when you jumped out of the window in order to catch his leg (the whale) but he kicked you back in, that time I shouted "Sandmonkey, give up being a monkey and fight like whales" Damn we gave that whale a good beating out there. Then when we were kicked out, I remember you trying to cross the street when some big elephant taxi almost hit you with his very thin wheel. You could have died that day (God forbid) but the Elephant's wheel was sooo thin like that of you nice tiger's needle. Tigers had very nice needles these days. But you know, I will never ever forget the day when you saved my life as I was asleep in my bed and the flying train almost hit my dreams. You woke my up... pphhhewwww you are my savior. ;)

At 2/06/2006 11:57:00 AM, Blogger Jeffrey said...


I KNOW you'll remember when we went on that BAPTIST BIBLE RETREAT together down in Alabama, right?

Yeah, and they caught that minister having STAND-UP SEX with his secretary?!

Remember? Man, that was something.

Yeah, and then we found out that the minister got kicked out of the congregation.

I remember you asking the fellow next to us at the retreat, "Kicked out for fornication, right?"

And that guy frowned at you and said:

"Fornication? No, he was kicked out for DANCING."

Heh heh.

That was a funny one.

You almost shit yourself laughing.


At 2/06/2006 12:07:00 PM, Blogger Mr Holger said...

Hi sandmonkey, remember when the cartoondispute ended, in a joint-congress between Denmark and The arab world - on how to understand eachother, and how to handle rage without pushing people away?
Well, we invited you to our little peaceful country, so you could see that we are no muslim-haters, and to show you our appreciation of your sarchasm and hot temper (the right kind, that is)!
We too are a rather sarchastic and ironic people: you felt really welcome...

At 2/06/2006 12:25:00 PM, Blogger Moron99 said...

Remember that time in college when you thought we hit bigfoot on our way back from alabama? and do you remember the little alien creatures that were watching us with night vision goggles? and the pre-historic monsters growling at us from the swamp? I have a confession to make. It was a deer. They weren't aliens ... they were racoons. The growling was really alligators seeking a mate. I should have told you sooner. I should have told you as soon as I found out. At the very least I should have told you before you submitted the story to the National Enquirer. Bob put mushrooms in the soup.

At 2/06/2006 12:39:00 PM, Blogger Moron99 said...

maybe some sick humor with american names?
I love these.

Q: what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of a lake?
A: Bob

Q: what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?
A: Mat

Q: what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your baseball team?
A: Second base

At 2/06/2006 12:41:00 PM, Anonymous Angie said...

*Nasty Smirk*

Oh..I think you KNOW!

I certainly remember it well enough. I still have the black thong with the crimson words "Spank Me That's What Jesus Would Do" written on them. Oy! Do I remember?? The ones whose infamous past included a stint as "EXHIBIT A" down at the station?


That was, until I obtained their ransom from the Precinct Sargent (in small bills, untraceable bills) that is even now, endowing the "Lap Dances for Retired Officers" fund.

And don't...I repeat, don't you DARE tell me again that Ms. Lolee was merely on the cultural exchange agenda for the Interfaith Muslim-Pentecostal Youth Program.

Heartless Bastard...some things a woman never forgets.

At 2/06/2006 12:57:00 PM, Blogger Jordan said...

Hey Sandmonkey, remember when I said I would eat you last?

I Lied!

At 2/06/2006 01:00:00 PM, Anonymous A.R. said...

do you remember when you and I were running over the green meadow trying hardly to find our dad's golf ball ... but no chance. we were running and running, you, a lttle boy, and I, your big sister. I took you by your little hand and said: come on sandy, we'll never return back home. and so our odyssea began ...

At 2/06/2006 01:15:00 PM, Anonymous Erik said...

Remember when you and I took a stroll at Nyhavn in Copenhagen last year?

We found a nice and cosy pavement café with a good view. We sat there in the nice warm summer evening and had a few cold Carlsberg beers (the big ones), enjoying the atmosphere and all the nice people around us.

We admired the beautiful tall and fair Danish girls, and then it dawned on us.

It really wasn’t the cartoons they were mad about, it was envy. Simple and pure envy.

And we laughed as we haven’t laughed for a long time.


At 2/06/2006 01:47:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

aw, dude! there are so MANY! I can't beleive you don't remember!
there was that one friend we had in hollywood, who was so theatrical, he used to convince us to dress in costume for every movie premiere we went to with him? and we DID it, man--! what were we thinking? How did he get us INTO that? I can't beleive it! first it was Interview With the Vampire and we actually got dressed up like vampires to humor him. Remeber how obsessed he was with getting our makeup so beleivable? and the next time, it was for Lord Of The Rings? oh, god, why did i think i could dress up like queen of the Elves when I'd put on 80 lbs since the last time i wore that gown? we looked ridiculous! the cape the boots, those bizarre hats we came up with, --and remember those sparkly toy swords he made us carry? nobody else at the movie theatre came in costume, so we had to carry ourselves like we were the sane ones and they were all peculiar. how did he get us to do that?
but no, that wasn't enough! No! there was still MORE! that time we all had to dress up like KISS and walk down the street pretending we were playing air guitars? or the saint patrick's day that he insisted we all had to dress up like irish leprechauns or he wouldn't pay our way into the club? and the time he got us all to dress up like the knights of King Arthur and walk in processional a couple of miles on the city sidewalks to the college campus for that rennaissance festival? what got into us? did we take leave of our senses? how did he have that effect over us all?
the capper was that night we got us all together to go see the new Batman movie, and persuaded us it would be cool to dress like superheroes! he got all dressed up in a full Batman costume that he made, himself, and we piled into that junker car of his, and just as we were parking it to walk to the movie, the cops pulled us over for a broken tail light. remember how utterly serious he was, while they were questioning him? all that stuff about keeping his hands in plain sight where they could see them, not opening the door till they said to, not letting any of us out of the car until they had us surrounded?
oh my god, i wanted to just become invisible, didn't you? remember how weirded out that one cop was, when he realized that the gorgeous girl in the latex catwoman bodysuit wasn't a female, it was Robert, from across the hall?
I couldn't wait to get out of that car and get all that ridiculous gear off!
and the kicker!!! remember what a smooth talker he was? avoiding their demands to see his license, until they finally got to the truth of it and determined that He didn't HAVE a license?! some Batmobile!!!! LOL LOL LOL! that piece of shit car---no spedometer, no inspection sticker, broken lights, all that body damage--and they finally made him get out of the car-- in full Batman regalia--and surrender the car while they called a tow truck to impound it! and we had to stand around, ashamed to our shoes, fumbling with our masks and capes and silly props , giving those cops our names and ID's and phone numbers, before they finally said we could go-- and "enjoy the movie" after all!
that had to be the all time doofiest thing he ever talked us into doing!

you know, he lost that car--never could get up the money to pay the fines to get it back. But that didn't stop him from making more costumes and continuing to pull everybody into his crazy schemes! How did we ever fall in with a group like that? were we insane?

At 2/06/2006 02:02:00 PM, Blogger Crazy Girl said...

I remember when you took me to the Backstreet Boys concert!! :P I remember you loving them so much.. Espically that blonde one..

:P You had the time of your life!!

At 2/06/2006 03:00:00 PM, Anonymous Kate said...

Remember the night before you finally left school? Using only the power of persuasion (and maybe a little white Zin) you convinced some random blonde hot girl off the street (damn she had big boobs)- wait - I think she was some girl you slept with freshman year or something and I to start a naked mudfight in your bathtub. I think you actually sold a few entry tickets - although I never saw any money from it - jerk!

At 2/06/2006 03:13:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Remember when we went sledding down the side of a canyon near Salt Lake City, Utah? The snow must have been 3 or 4 feet deep. We were so cheap -- we used pieces of cardboard for sleds. We yelled and threw snow, and made a nice, pressed track. Some other people saw us, and stopped to sled, too.

We got so cold. But I knew where to go next -- to the spa at the hot springs. First, we had to go to the showers to wash off, and you kept asking where the springs were. Heh.

I hadn't told you they were outside, and that we were going to have to walk from the shower building outside, in nothing but a swim suit, to the pools. You kept saying that you wondered why you let me talk you into these things, but you forgave me when you got into the pool. It was so nice, and so comfortably warm, and then it began to snow. We watched the snow fall down and the steam rise up, in the beautiful, dark night.


At 2/06/2006 03:16:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

**tasteless humor alert**
SM, remember that time we were walking to the store and we saw that dog licking its balls? lol, it was so crazy, I'll never forget it!
We ran out of munchies Since we were both high on extacy, cocaine, cat tranquilizers, & LSD we were laughing like drug addled maniacs & it took us several minutes to calm down. On the way back from the store we saw the dog again, still licking his balls. I guess it was the X talking but I asked "Don't you wish you could do that?"
and you said "Hell no, that dog would try & bite me!"

Ah, I'll never forget that!

At 2/06/2006 03:20:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Remeber that time you and I sheparded that flock of sheep on a mountain where it was just the two of us? Things never were the same after that....

At 2/06/2006 04:19:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you remember the day we went down to see the Rhine river in Nijmegen, Holland. The day I told you how dangerous these river bends are for the people living there.
You said , come over to Midaan Talit Harb and together we saw all these green cars, filled up with riot police.
You asked me: "how dangerous were these curbs in the river ?" and I said "Once in 2000 years people could drown there".
Than you said "and what about these guys here ?'
So we went down (better up) to the "Club Hellenique" and met all these people who know everything about how to make Egypt a modern country but had to much money to really take any risk to make themselves resposible for it

At 2/06/2006 05:15:00 PM, Anonymous The Raging Capitalist said...

Do you remember that time you, I, and The Big Pharaoh were in Vegas - this was before I was married - and we were all wandering up and down the strip blind drunk with a bunch of strippers and showgirls? When we got to the Luxor hotel you started yelling about how much crappier it was than the real pyramids, even if it did have slot machines! Then, Big Pharaoh climbed the front steps and solemnly announced that the Luxor belonged to him as sovereign master and son of Ra... and due to some weird loophole in international copyright law it turned out to be true.

Man, were the casino owners pissed!

It would have been great, if the old owners hadn't sent all those lawyers and mafia hit men after us.

Although I still have some fragments of bullets and court summonses lodged in my shoulder, it was a helluva time!

P.S... how'd things work out for you and that hot redhead?

At 2/06/2006 05:26:00 PM, Anonymous Peter-Australia said...

Hey mate, remember that time you were downunder and we went bushbashing. I bet you had never eaten goanna before and the look on your face when you tried vegemite was an absolute classic. I reckon you still don't believe we Aussies really eat that stuff.

I thought it was a bit rough that bloke wouldn't help us get our pilot's license; I knew I should have put on a clean shirt before we went there.
Hope you get Aussie humour, please no one take offense.

At 2/06/2006 05:42:00 PM, Anonymous Angie said...


Ahhh, mon amour,

I am gazing in our little box of memories, *sigh*

Do you remember the night when when we dropped acid at the Yanni concert in Madrid?

There is this this postcard addressed to you, dated the week after...from "Pedro", do you remember?

It says; "At last...my leetle Eygptian pigeon...at last I have found you. Why did you run from me before I could prove my love for you?"

Whoa, man. Well anyway,

I don't remember any of that...but I do remember, *sigh* my lean, muscular legs, wrapped, and your tongue...

And the fact that the newspaper photos and our mug shots didn't do either of us any justice...

And the fact that you were so romantic, stealing the police officer's handcuffs...

The ones that lead to that unforgettable night in Soho!

At 2/06/2006 06:13:00 PM, Anonymous the texan said...

Hey! Remember the time you came to Texas. We all headed down to the TEX-MEX border. Man what a Time, Two weeks of Tecate, Margaritas & Senoritas. We Partied in every club from Nuevo Laredo to Matamoros. YEE-HA! What A Time we had! We bought you that hooker. Woo did she look hot, or what! But I swear by Jesus, Budda, the Sands of Egypt, whatever you want. We did not know she was a dude till you came running down the stairs with that strange look on your face, who could tell?

P.S.: if you can remember any of it past day five. Please write us & tell us what we did.The rest of the guys would like to know too. Gets little blurry. No one can remember anything past day nine, until we woke up in the Brownsville jail.

God Bless Texas!

At 2/06/2006 06:55:00 PM, Blogger Chilperic said...

Hey, you remember that Saturday night in Tokyo? Yeah, we had just came out of that old funky theater that was showing the Akira Kurosawa movie marathon and we decided to become samurai. We had that argument over who got to be the badass silent samurai Kyuzo, but since you had shaved your head earlier to win that bet with that one eyed Filipino (man, that was crazy!) we decided you had to be the wise, philosophy-spouting veteran samurai Kambei Shimada. Then we pulled those cardboard tubes out of that dumpster behind the manga shop and drove around looking for people to duel. Everybody freaked out when we'd chase after them swinging those tubes screaming samurai-ish stuff at them in Arabic (well, you were screaming at them in Arabic, I was mostly just screaming). I will never forget the look on the faces of that guy in the suit! Then we called everybody who ran away honorless dogs who brought shame to their houses. Then those eight or so Tokyo Guardian Angels show up (I didn't know they had those guys in Tokyo) and I'll be honest with you, my man, I was pretty scared. There we were, side by side with our cardboard tubes, facing down eight Guardian Angels with flashlights, and I'll never forget how you said, cool as hell, "Courage, Chilperic-san, duty is as heavy as a mountain; death as light as a feather. Be like the falling cherry blossom, if the blossom had a totally wicked-ass katana." After that, I felt pretty fired up, and I turned to say something samuraish to you, but you weren't there, and I heard a door slam and a car speed off, and then I got my ass beat by eight Guardian Angels who didn't seem to understand the whole single combat thing, but sure knew how to swing those damn flashlights.

I was a little peeved at first, but I got to admit, that was pretty funny.

At 2/06/2006 09:13:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh do you remember when we smoked pot and made love all night..mmmmm what a night to remember!

At 2/06/2006 11:12:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What happened to the money I gave you for singing lessons?

At 2/06/2006 11:26:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't you remember, it was just 2074 years and 257 days ago in a previous life when we engaged in gay sex during a festival of Bacchus on the island of Pharos just north of Alexandria? Or at least I think it was you. Maybe I was too drunk to remember for sure...

At 2/06/2006 11:35:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't you remember when we sang that song, "The hills are alive with the sound of music... and the hills have eyes that are watching you..."? Or when we sang your translation of "Louie, Louie" into Arabic?

At 2/07/2006 01:41:00 AM, Blogger jelsted said...

Remember when you and I built a great sandcastle at the beach? We said, then it would represent a new era of equality and fairness. Do you remember how sad we were when it got blown away by the wind?

At 2/07/2006 04:45:00 AM, Blogger Roba said...

Ahh ya Sam 3a ayam ma konna nerkab 3al flouka (frouka?) over the Nile and discussed our master plan to take over Mt. Sinai. Now after we've accomplished our plan, we're too busy ridding the world of extremists to ride floukas.

At 2/07/2006 05:34:00 AM, Anonymous AR said...

Finally we arrived at Odys-Sea at the sea. The biggest steamer we ever saw was ready to put to sea. That was our chance, Sally! But how to get on the boat? There were plenty of people who wanted to get the last free places. And then you saw a beautiful lady in a breath-taking black and yellow silk dress. And behind her - the butler with her ... golden golf clubs. Perhaps you need a call, sorry a ball boy? you asked. Of course, she answered smiling, and a ball girl too ...

At 2/07/2006 06:41:00 AM, Anonymous Tina said...

Remember the time we went to Ike's Roping Arena and you decided that roping steers didn't look all that hard and you convinced one of the ropers you were a Champion Roper from Egypt so he'd lend you his horse?

LOL, man I'll NEVER forget the look on your face when both you and the saddle started slowly slipping to the side..........

At 2/07/2006 07:53:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Remember that week in Key West when we met? I've never laughed so hard as I did that evening we ate dinner at your cousin's house, got stoned, then rode that mo-ped thru the streets of Key West to your hotel room to get your luggage to go to my hotel room. When i saw the reflection of me holding on behind you on that mo-ped with that bag on wheels dragging behind me, I almost fell off the bike. When I finally caught my breathe enough to tell you to look in the next store window at our reflection, I thought we would wreck. Thank god (or allah) for your ability to handle a mo-ped, or else even the onlookers would have known you preferred KY over Astroglide! I miss you, why don't you ever call?

At 2/07/2006 09:35:00 AM, Blogger Jeffrey said...


Remember when we did the Hajj together and as we were circling the Kabba and getting ready to toss the stones at the devil you saw your stingy landlord and you used your stone to hit him on the head?!

I remember we were laughing our asses off as your cursed him, "Greedy mother."

That was one Hajj I'll never forget.


At 2/07/2006 10:37:00 AM, Blogger Kender said...

Remember the time that you and I found the luge in the pool being ridden by japanese midgets in elephant suits, and you ran out of jello so you used a cantaloupe instead?

At 2/07/2006 12:30:00 PM, Anonymous Savina said...

Remember when you and I were invited to the "What would Yoda do?" (WWYD) Congress in Kansas, but instead got lost somewhere along the way and next morning, all that remained of that wonderful night were a couple antlers on your head (that you hopefully still have now) and my occasional ability to become a medium? Oh my... it was great to-AND HE SHALT SPEAK TO THEE, AND THOU SHALT GIVE HIM A BANANA SANDWICHE BECAUSE HE LIKETH THEM SO-share that with you.

At 2/07/2006 04:47:00 PM, Anonymous Mohamed said...

Jeez, what a bunch of homos.

At 2/07/2006 04:59:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mohamed,check this blog. http://lonehighlander.blogspot.com/

I like the approach.

At 2/07/2006 06:04:00 PM, Anonymous Mohamed said...

Anon @ 4:59, yeah highlander's awesome, shamousa and tomanbay too are excellent.
Check Tomanbay's article about them and the others.

At 2/07/2006 11:37:00 PM, Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

Mo, buddy, don't take this the wrong way, but SCREW YOU!

Have a good one! :)

At 2/08/2006 02:27:00 AM, Anonymous theTickler said...

You had a dream, a curious dream that sticks in your mind.

A green-eyed woman dressed in black played beautiful music, Claire de Lune, a Chopin Ballade, a Bach fugue, on a large grand piano. Out a window behind her you saw granite boulders, desert pines and cacti, against a brilliant blue sky. You could see the piano, and see her fingers and arms urging the music from the instrument, but before it all you saw her face, and her green eyes.

She smiled, and you knew she was delighted to play for you. You felt at peace, that you knew her, and she knew you. The music spoke between you.

It was I that played for you.

At 2/08/2006 04:21:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Remember back in the days in 2006, when the middle east was going through the cartoon revolution and we worked hard in our lab to develop a strawberry flavoured shampoo?

At 2/08/2006 10:07:00 AM, Anonymous Mohamed said...

No offense taken SM, It's my bad, I should've said, what a bunch of fabulous homos.
Better now?

At 2/08/2006 11:38:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey..remember when I used to change your diaper? Probably not, you were too young. But I did! sis from the usa

At 2/08/2006 12:19:00 PM, Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

Mo, moot beghayzak! :P

At 2/08/2006 05:03:00 PM, Anonymous Mohamed said...

Wala tez3al ya 3am, hat bousa :).
Bas bardo, a'3lab el kessas ely foo2 dee '7awalaty awy.

At 2/08/2006 11:24:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Sandmonkey...remember when our eyes first met? You, with eyes so dark they reflected my beauty, and me, with eyes of gold gazing at your manly beauty. Oh, I wish in my deepest heart that I could for just a moment write to you on an anonymous internet site while the entire world watched and tell you of my profound love for you. Our little moment...remember? Your Dhimmi.

ps...I'll leave your laundry by the back door. I got all the shirts ironed but I starched the underwear. Sorry.

At 2/15/2006 07:06:00 PM, Anonymous declarlib said...

Cairo November 1994 - and there I was on a 7-hour layover with nothing much to do and no money to do it ... and trying to catch a city bus to go out to the pyramids (how touristy of me), and not being able to read the bus numbers because they were in Arabic (how was I to know?), and taking the wrong bus that took me on a two hour tour of the outskirts of Cairo ... and when you got on the bus, I was already kinda worried that I wasn't going to get back ... and I had no idea where I was (which was kinda cool) ... and you smiled and said something in english ... remember how I latched on to you ... like, wow, man, you speak english?! where the fuck am I? you were sooooo cool. Calmed me down. Looked at me like I was crazy (why does everyone look at me like that?), told me everything was okay ... that the bus looped back to city ... and you were wanting to ask a zillion questions about me and the uSA ... and I was wanting to ask a zillion questions about you and Cairo ... but neither of us really said much, being kinda shy and respectful. And then you got off ... we didn't even have time to exchange addresses .... ah, Sam, nice ... good memories ... thanks for being there ... I took away a good impression of Cairo that day thanks to you. Never did see the pyramids, though ....

[This may or may not be fake ... but I would like to think it was you, Sandman.]

At 3/07/2006 06:22:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Remember that time when we were 12 and we decided to walk the railroad tracks? It was late-summer and the prairie grass was long and golden about as far as you could see. It must have been in the 90's and every step seemed to cause a dozen grasshoppers to buzz a few yards before settling back to the ground. The clear call of meadowlarks was almost constant except when the train whistle from behind scared us so bad I almost crapped my pants and we jumped off the tracks and watched the cars go by. Musta been a hundred and fifty or so coal cars, grain cars and freight cars. It seemed like it went on forever. The best part of the day was throwing rocks into the river for distance and the jumping off that low trestle to cool off.

My parents sure were pissed when I got home after dark but it was obviously worth it cause that memory still jumps into my mind on a regular basis.

Later brother


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