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Rantings of a Sandmonkey

Be forewarned: The writer of this blog is an extremely cynical, snarky, pro-US, secular, libertarian, disgruntled sandmonkey. If this is your cup of tea, please enjoy your stay here. If not, please sod off

Monday, April 11, 2005

My cure to the "Islam is the soloution" people

It seems like the Muslim Brotherhood won't give it a rest, not even with an Islamic terrorist explosion rocking Cairo a few days earlier. Those masters of insensitivity decided to organize 2 demonstrations simultaneously in Cairo and Alexandria using College Students. Oh Joy! The protesters, surrounded by thousands of police officers preventing them from leaving their campuses, carried banners reading "No to extensions" of the president's term, "No to arrests and torture," "No to military courts and emergency laws" and "Islam is the solution." You know, I 've always been a big fan of the "Islam is the soloution"crowd, especially with the kind of future i am likely to have with them in charge , and now i believe i have finally figured out the way to deal with them: Give them what they want, i.e. let's implement Sharia Law. You know, with the whole cut the hands of the thief and stoning women who are adulterers and all that fun stuff. And then we would stage this big event on TV, where we would invite all of those "religious leaders" and then hold them hostage and tie them up. We then bring in 2 male witnesses ( or 4 female ones, Sharia says a woman's testimony is only half as good as a man's) who will testify that they saw them steal. Sure, they are providing false witness, but so what? What's a few unjustly severd limbs in exchange of having God's Law implemented? You want to make an Omelet you have to break some eggs, right? Anyway... Given that those witnesses are all that is necessary to pass judgment, we then bring out electric chainsaws and start implementing the Sharia, slowly. It doesn't say anywhere in the Quran how you are supposed to cut off the hand , so why not cut off finger by finger first and then take your time with the rest? We will start by the pinkie and see how long they can hold on to their convictions before pleading for mercy and rejecting the whole idea of implementing Sharia Law. My guess is that most of them will have a miraculous change of mind the moment we bring the electric chainsaw out. What do you think?


At 4/11/2005 09:56:00 AM, Blogger Cynica said...

Thanks for the juvenile, gross descriptions. You seem to be forgetting that the other source for capital punishment in Islam is the Sunnah.

BTW, you do a good job of pandering to your US audience. Bravo!

At 4/11/2005 10:22:00 AM, Blogger lavashak said...

thx, i had a great reading!

At 4/11/2005 11:55:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi SM,
ROFL! I guess commenter one doesn't have a sense of humor...keep "pandering to we Americans"... I like folks like you with common sense and a sense of humor.
Since the beginning of man religion and politics are sure fire ways to start arguments, fights, wars. When the ME matures and realizes that they cannot rule people by religion we can all live in peace. Secular is the only way!
What a mental picture you painted!
Too funny and too true!

At 4/11/2005 01:39:00 PM, Blogger R said...

It's an original idea.. Nobody thought about it before.
But, in fact, you sound to oversimplify the political agenda of this movement (the Islam is the solution movement).

If you really want to oppose them, you have to give them more respect (which means understand that they are indeed sophisticated and multilateral).

For them, Sharia is much more than the corporal punishments (the infamous Western caricature). It is more of an "identity" and a way of living.

At 4/12/2005 02:14:00 AM, Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

To middleastern_maven: Thanks for the Bravo. I am glad my efforts at “pandering to my American audience” using "juvenile, gross descriptions" have caught ur attention. It’s always good to have your work appreciated! :)

Now to Ramy:

Thanks for thinking it’s an original idea, I was pretty pleased with myself for coming up with it. Me is so smart!

On a more serious note, I do know that I am oversimplifying their political agenda. I am doing it on purpose. And while I am not usually for the habit of explaining myself to people, I figure I will make an exception for you ya Basha. Feel special!

If you are thinking analytically, then the test of any system ( political, security, whatever, holds true on all of them) that u wish to implement isn’t how it could succeed, but rather how it could fail. Communism, for example, in theory sounds great, but fails miserably in the realm practical application. So for me, the test for the "Islam is the solution movement" isn’t what good that may come out of it, but rather what kind of evil may come out of it. I am a pessimist, I know, but I am also a believer in Murphy’s law. It hold true in Egypt especially for some reason. We are getting off topic. Anyway..

So I what I am saying is, I am not gonna look at the good things that implementing the Sharia may accomplish, I will look for the bad things, cause that’s usually the price of the good things. The Price will be : The use of Islamic capital punishments ( cut hands of thieves, stone adulterers, etc..), The mistreatment of women( a woman is half a man, and has lesser judgment blah blah..), viewing Christians as second class citizens who will have to pay a gizyah to be protected in their own country, and ohh yeah, they will have the ability to announce anyone with a different view (which will probably include me) a heretic and ok killing them.

That’s too much of a price for me to pay Ramy, and I am not sure if you lived in Egypt you would be willing to pay it as well.

Now, you said that if I wanted to oppose them, then I would have to give them more respect and understanding of their point of view. That’s your opinion and you are entitled to it, but I disagree. Cutting someone’s hand should never even be discussed as a form of punishment and stoning a woman should never be considered a “cultural difference”. Those are barbaric punishments from tribal times that should not be applied these days at all. But I will bite. Let’s say that I am willing to give them more respect and understanding, will they give me the same courtesy? You know they won’t, cause it’s Sharia, it’s god’s words and rulings. How can you argue against “cause god said so”? What will you say? “God has it wrong? We can’t do what god says we should do anymore?” Yeah, I am sure that they will respect that difference of opinion and consider what you have to say. Riight!

I mean, honestly ,if they get in power, do you think they will allow freedom of speech? What about freedom of religion? What about gender equality? Should I go on or do you get the picture? Do you even think they will allow democracy if they get in power? What if the person running against them is asking for secularization, do you think they would just be like “Ohh, it’s what the people want, we should step aside and let it happen!” or will it be more like “ Those people ( or infidels, or American agents, choose ur pick) want to remove Islam and god’s ruling from our lives, we should never allow them to get to power even if they win.”? Which scenario do you think is more likely to happen in that case? Or how about if a Christian Egyptian- who was actually popular with the people- ran for president? I mean, they are having a fit over the idea that Nawal Saadawi( who has 0 chance in hell of winning mind you) announced a symbolic run for presidency. What if a woman really goes for it? A unveiled woman at that? Or *gasp* a Christian woman? What if ( I know it’s extremely unlikely, but we are hypothesizing) a Christian woman wins? The MB will just applaud democracy and pledge to work with her, or will they start a revolution cause God damns those who let a woman rule them ( la2an allah komen hakamethim amra2a)let alone a christian one? Which is more likely to happen ya Ramy?

See why I am not even up for discussing the idea or the notion?

I know, I know, you could say I am an extremist, and you would be entitled to your opinion. But which kind would you rather deal with ya Ramy: My kind of extremism or theirs? And since i know you are of the opinion that all kinds of extremism is bad, then you should be glad that I exist and say what I say ya Ramy, cause My extremism will balance theirs out. It will eventually lead to some sort of compromise or a middle ground, and I know that you are all about finding that middle ground “where we all can get along”.

Look , my solution maybe a lil extreme and slightly sadistic, but it is practical. It would show them what it would be like for someone to have this kind of punishment imposed on them. And not only that, it will show them what it’s like to have someone impose that kind of punishment on them unjustly. Cause you know it will happen, that someone innocent might get framed and end up having his hand cut off. They don’t think of that, cause they will never entertain the thought that it may ever happen to them: “Sure, cut the hands of thieves, that will teach them not to steal! Ohh, u wanna cut mine? Wait a minute. I changed my mind. We shouldn’t resort to extreme measures like that”! End of discussion!

Or am i mistaken?

At 4/12/2005 06:14:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like the word ''middle ground''. Egypt is a special place with its own set of local, cultural and religious identities. What the MB wants to do is to bring their ''own version'' of their understanding of religion. I am against the idea of using religion in whatever form to gain political power and that should be opposed. However, we should not belittle aspects of our religion due to the skewed understanding of some people. There are many role models in the world in the past and present that provide good role models for the understanding of Islam and that it is about tolerance, freedom to think and being connected with the modern tools of the world and also being tolerant and understanding to other faiths. It is not about cutting limbs or so.

At 7/08/2006 09:55:00 PM, Anonymous fact lover. said...

while i am NOT a fan of the islamic brother hood or their equivilants in any shape way or form, you do realize you're claims are just regurgitated propaganda right?

did you even BOTHER to read up on proper sharia or islamic judgement?

no you didn't, you just chose to regugitate propaganda, well here are SOME corrections:

cutting the hands off of a thief:
Religous judgement: those that steal out of hunger, are to be helped, those that steal out of greed, should have their hands cut off.

woman's testimony is worth half of a man: Only in certain situations, VERY certain situations, which modern scientific experiments (performed over here in the usa most fittingly) founding actually supported.

how you're supposed to cut off the hand (or head of a murderer) as painlessly as possible, and as swiftly as possible.

stoning women adulterers, wrong again, it's the killing of MARRIED adulterers male OR female.

see, now i HATE the islamic brotherhood and their ilk, however, i like to base my critism on facts and research, not on regurgitated propaganda.

Just because some asswipes do things their own way and claim it religous, doesn't mean that's the way it is.
or i'm guessing you also believe that it's part of christian law to murder jews "for killing christ" like was done during the crusades?

At 7/08/2006 10:05:00 PM, Anonymous fact lover said...

oh some other individual corrections i forgot to note:

~ The mistreatment of women( a woman is half a man, and has lesser judgment blah blah..),

not part of islam. again propaganda. again this is one of those social things that became attributed to religon when it has nothing to do with it. ( like 'el arba3een' which is an ancient egyptian custom that is widely attributed to islam in egypt even though it's not.)

~viewing Christians as second class citizens who will have to pay a gizyah to be protected in their own country,

that was abolished by islam after it expanded, as due to the time when islam was expanding, it should be regarded as kind of silly to have people put their lives on the line for free eh? you do pay taxes that go to the military to protect you right? or should you ask these people to go fight for free?
regardless, this was abolished after islam expanded.

~ and ohh yeah, they will have the ability to announce anyone with a different view (which will probably include me) a heretic and ok killing them.

wouldn't be part of islam, in fact The prophet Mohammed ENCOURAGED people to debate religon with him and try to debuke it... come to think of it, there's a verse in the Qu'ran that ORDERS all muslims to question every word in their religon.

hmmm... what's the REAL problem with any political movement in egypt? ignorance and alot of it.
54% of males and 46% of females in egypt are educated, that's it. that's the problem.

however, i do agree that some people would probably try to do the shit you said and claim it's religon, but with you stating non-facts you're not really fighting them are you?

see, when you critizes someone with facts, you have a MUCH MUCH stronger case than when you just state someting "you heard about"

and before you go saying "oh but i asked a preacher in egypt about this" get this, the Azhar for several years in a row, enrolled GRADE SCHOOL dropouts to be sheikhs. i wouldn't trust them for religous advice.


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