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Rantings of a Sandmonkey

Be forewarned: The writer of this blog is an extremely cynical, snarky, pro-US, secular, libertarian, disgruntled sandmonkey. If this is your cup of tea, please enjoy your stay here. If not, please sod off

Friday, May 20, 2005

More things that piss me off!

This is the second installment of a previous post about things that piss me off. Due to complaints that this blog is mighty negative, I promise that in the near future I will write posts about the things that I love about Egypt. Just not now, cause I am still angry from the things that are pissing me off. Ok? Ok! Let’s get this started: MB senators demand filtering the internet: I read about this at Hellme's before a Hacker wiped out his archive, and then read about it in a small snippet in an Egyptian newspaper that didn't have it on its website ( This is why I don't have a link). Basically the Muslim Brotherhood MP's are outraged that young men in Egypt have access to Pornographic websites, which they- naturally- accuse of "encouraging deviancy and threatening the moral fabric of society". One of the MB MP's point was that the age for marriage for men has really risen due to how expensive marriage is in Egypt, which left a whole bunch of young Muslim men with no outlet for their horniness but Pornographic websites, so naturally- being the dick that he is- he wants the government to ban access to them. He apparently would rather young unable to get married frustrated arab men to release their frustration the old fashion way: By blowing themselves up! Not to mention, if we give the government the excuse and the power to start filtering the internet and censoring stuff they deem to be "immoral" and "inappropriate", the next thing you know they will start censoring websites they view as "threatening the country's stability" or "tarnishing Egypt's reputation", which would probably include any website they don't like. This, undoubtedly, will include MB websites, opposition websites and blogs like mine. So please, MB senators, shut the hell up and think before you want the government to censor anything. Taxi Drivers: Egyptian Taxi drivers suck, and I am not the only one who thinks so. Nothing like the experience of taking an Egyptian Taxi ride to ruin my day. First of all, the majority of taxis in Egypt are cars that are at least 15 years old, which means that they were purchased at a time when seatbelts were considered to be a luxury item in your car, you know, along with power-steering, and air-conditioning. If you can get one of them to stop for you and get you where you want to go (most of them won't), you will experience the ride of a lifetime: The seats are uncomfortable, the space is small, prayers hung from the rearview mirror, the windows have no handles, and the driver will be blasting a tape of someone with a horrible voice reading the Koran, or one of Amr Khaled's Islamic teachings ( the egyptian islamic version of Pat Robertson) for the full extent of the ride. Once the driver gets you there after cursing a couple of other drivers out, you will then ask him how much he wants ( cause the meter is naturally broken) and he will tell you with all sincerity that he will take whatever fare you give him. You will then proceed to give him an amount of money which he will of course deem to be insufficient and ask for at least an extra 5 pounds. And when you ask him why he didn’t just ask for that when you asked him how much the ride was, his response will be "well, I didn’t want to say it just in case you were going to pay more"! Ohh, so you wanted to rob me? Ohh, and if robbing is too harsh of a word, well, you wanted to con me? Ok, no problem. But explain to me this you immoral bastard: WTF is that Koran/ Islamic teaching Tape playing all about then? Do you even listen to it? I am not sure, but I think it's pretty negative on robbing or conning people. I could be wrong, but I doubt it! What do you think? The Fair and Lovely cream: From the people who brought you hair straightners and Michael Jackson: This is a skin whitening cream. It is marketed in Middle Eastern countries as a method for dark skinned/ tanned people (i.e. most arabs) to get whiter/lighter skin tone. And it sells. It's name? Fair and Lovely! I am not even gonna explain why this one is wrong. It kinda speaks for itself. The Mubarak descriptions: At first he was called the President, then he became the leader, then the hero of War and peace. And I was ok with that: nothing's wrong with a little ass-kissing in politics, and I figured it probably helps his low self-esteem (I hear he was fat in middle-school and all the other girls made fun of him). But these days it has become a bit too much, no thanks to the "Yes Mubarak" oppru..ehh….enthusiastic supporters, who apparently are competing on creating new descriptions to flatter the living legend that is our President. Descriptions I've personally seen include: The guardian of every worker, the supporter of the poor, the Father of all Egyptians (wouldn’t grandfather be more accurate?), the Nation's armor, the engineer of National Unity ( by that they mean the great personal relationships Christians and Muslims enjoy in this country), and my personal favorite: the fortress of the future. His descriptions were supposed to include the Defender of the Faith, Sustainer of all Life and the Messiah, but I hear that the Pope, God and Jesus objected due to some kind of copyrights infringement issue. Egyptian Parties without a clear mandate: I was just reading in Al Ahram yesterday- in a small news item- that a new Egyptian political party, called the party of Fair Peace or something, was just approved. What the party stood for, according to the news article, was "ending unemployment, improving the economy, stopping governmental corruption and promoting the general welfare of the Egyptian society". Aww, isn't that cute? That's like an American party dedicated to "the protection of the flag, motherhood and Apple Pie". This is typical of most Egyptian opposition parties: they have no clear programs or mandates. You can’t figure out what they really stand for or what kind of solution they propose for the problems they list and that we all suffer from. Given me a freaking solution, plan, general idea, anything, if you want me to vote for you or join you. Otherwise, go away, we don’t need anymore straw parties. We have quite enough of those as it is! That's it for now!

17 Comments:

At 5/20/2005 05:06:00 AM, Anonymous Highlander said...

Sandmonkey you have to cool down yabni 3ashan ildaght الضغط
Egyptian taxis are the experience of a lifetime pls don't get me started on that nowadays whenever I take one and some family member happens to be with me they would be restraining my hand just in case I became violent...but they are so funny honestly. Ignore all the stickers, tapes etc... and remember that these people are trying to make a living and they spend the whole day in that horrible excuse of a car, in the traffic jams, the harsh sun with passengers they may not even want.So for them we become the enemy just to be tolerated. At rush hour they rule the streets! But yes I hate it when they try and con you. 'Just tell me what you want', I always ask to know the fare before I get on, if he does not tell me I just leave (unless I'm desperate *sigh*).

 
At 5/20/2005 05:07:00 AM, Anonymous Jeff said...

You continue to freak me out - I was going to write about cabs and the cream today.

 
At 5/20/2005 07:43:00 AM, Anonymous DNA said...

SM - the original piece on the MB was in Arabic - that's why Google won't be able to pin it down. I'll try to find it and post it here.

The opposition in Egypt is a joke.

 
At 5/20/2005 08:49:00 AM, Blogger gatorbait said...

I rode in the Petit taxis in Rabat. How do you say "Banzai" in Arabic?

 
At 5/20/2005 09:33:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are too damn funny. Sounds like Mubarak is traveling down the same dead end road so many others before him have done. What an ego maniac. I cast my vote for "destroyer of liberties".

 
At 5/20/2005 10:05:00 AM, Blogger Kat said...

LOL...where to start.

First, I have to tell you that there are people, even in the US that object to the porno sites. But, interesting, they don't get much traction here.

The main areas that they were going for were access on public library computers where children can use the computers. I believe they were successful in getting libraries to put some sort of websense in and limit these sites.

As for trying to get them banned all together, not happening.

I have had interesting taxi rides in the US. Honestly, your rant reminded me of some taxi rides in New York, Philly and Denver. Of course, I don't speak Arabic so I am not sure if what they were playing but most of it sounded like Arabic music.

The best ride I did have was in Denver and the guy put all my bags inthe car, gave me a bottle of ice cold water from a cooler and set the air conditioner to my preference.

Somebody knows about customer service.

 
At 5/20/2005 10:20:00 AM, Blogger NBS said...

taxi, well in australia 99% of the taxi drivers are arabs, they smell, they dont know english, half the time they dont know the place that you want to go to, i have been in one and wanted to go the one of the major hospitals in melbourne, its huge, he had no idea, he had no shoes on, i went nuts at him, and an australia taxi driver behind me heard me, and he was one of the bosses, haha, he got my taxi driver in heaps of trouble and then he took me to my destination, haha, loved it. but generally the taxi's here are not more then a few years old, a fair few are the newest models out,

 
At 5/20/2005 01:03:00 PM, Blogger littlewhy said...

Humans are weird. You know of course that here in the land of the Pale Northern European-American, they sell skin darkeners and the little blonde girls risk skin cancer just so they can look like an Arab...

 
At 5/20/2005 01:42:00 PM, Blogger AlanK said...

Sandmonkey

Try comparing that to taxis in the UK, your lucky. Here quite a few of them are run by gangsters, rest are just money chasers

 
At 5/20/2005 06:55:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Coming from a small town..I've never even been in a taxi! :D sis from the usa

 
At 5/21/2005 05:07:00 AM, Blogger DagneyT said...

I'm happy that you are going to be blogging about the things you love about Egypt. I just referred a friend to your site, as she and her husband will be venturing to Egypt later this year.

littlewhy had a brilliant, and true, observation! LMAO!

 
At 5/21/2005 07:21:00 AM, Anonymous brenda said...

Oh, you are so making me want to visit Egypt again ;)

 
At 5/21/2005 07:22:00 AM, Anonymous brenda said...

Mr Sandmonkey? Do you think you could change your comment feature setting to the one where it pops up in a new window instead of a new page? Oh, I would like that sooooo much :)

Of course, it's your blog...

 
At 5/21/2005 03:14:00 PM, Blogger Mister Ghost said...

We light skin Albino Types Rule the World, Sam, so why not let the Muslim Brothers and Sisters
in on the fun. LOL.

As far as porn goes, if they're playing with themselves, they're not playing with guns and bombs. Yeah.

Souls For Sale: Starring Galloway & Jarrar

 
At 5/22/2005 05:49:00 PM, Blogger Twosret said...

Okay Okay waiting for the positive stuff...that is if you see any. I doubt it you have anything positive to say about the arab world.

Oh well! hopefully you will prove me wrong one day ;)

 
At 5/24/2005 04:07:00 AM, Anonymous Hassan said...

The best thing of all about the taxis is their stories: last week one driver told me the government puts chemicals that make men impotent in the water - apparently this makes men focussed on their dicks and diverted away from politics. Another guy told me before that you can't park in front of the World Trade Center because "Alaa Mubarak owns a disco there and he doesn't want any disturbances". Hilarious!

 
At 3/09/2006 07:49:00 PM, Anonymous acne said...

I'm always on the lookout for other people interested in acne. Glad I found you. Another site I would recommend on the subject is acne Happy Day.

 

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