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Rantings of a Sandmonkey

Be forewarned: The writer of this blog is an extremely cynical, snarky, pro-US, secular, libertarian, disgruntled sandmonkey. If this is your cup of tea, please enjoy your stay here. If not, please sod off

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

What to do with would be suicide bombers?

There has been a mini discussion in the comments section of my post on the sentence the Van Goch murderer got and how it's better to keep him alive for his crime, since he wants to die and be a martyr. This made me think about something : How do you punish someone who wants to kill you by blowing themselves up in the name of Allah? How do you punish someone who isn't afraid of death? Ok, so let's say we catch someone planning to be a martyr- out of religious convictions and desire to get laid by 72 houris since he can't get any here on earth- and blow himself up and kill many inocent people in the process. What would be the appropriate punishment to someone like that if you catch them before they perform the attack? So i thought and thought and ponderd and then after a while i had a disturbing eureka moment : I think I have found me a soloution that would punish those people and ensure they never ever ever revert back to Jihadism. However, this soloution is not for the faint of heart and it's pretty extreme and borderline sick, so if you are one of those people, you shouldn't read any further. Your last chance to stop is now! No? Ok, here is my soloution: The first step is to tiew the person to a chair. The second step is to place a TV and VCR in front of them. The Third step is to open up their mouth and force alcohol down their throats. Jihadist don't like alcohol cause it's forbidden, so this is the first part of the punishment. After getting them drunk, I would turn the TV on, and they would be surprised that there is Porn on it. Good Porn. You know, the really dirty kind? You do? I knew you would you pervert. Anyway.. I can see where some of you would be concerned about this: "Well, Sam. They are getting drunk and watching porn? How is that any form of punishment? That sounds more like a good time to me." Well, hastypants, wait a second. The punishment is coming momentarily. So naturally, from watching this porn, being the horny bastards they are and being drunk as all hell, they will get erections. With their hands and legs tied to the chair, they wouldn't be able to do anything about it. Ohh, and we would have their faces fixated on the screen "Clock work orange" style, so that they would have to watch the porn in front of them. And then we let gay men in the room, have them stand in front of those guys, then proceed to have them take off their pants and have them give those horrofied horny drunk Jihady men Oral sex, followed by gay sex. See! This would be repeated every single day, for 10 years! That's 3650 days of drunkness, porn watching and gay sex. In essence we would be reprogramming those men: making them aloholic porn loving gay men. And then we would release them out into the wilderness, back to their people, now that they are alcoholic gay porn addicts. They wouldn't be able to return to their colleagues out of fear of being shunned or killed for what they are now. In essence we would force them into the most "sinful" lifestyle possible, make them used to it as their reality, as what they are used to do as a normal every day activity. We would make them outcasts amongst their people, and we would make it impossible for them to engage in the lifestyle or go back to the community that made them what they once were, not to mention, they would know that if they ever killed themselves they wouldn't go to heaven, because of what they did and what they now are. If anything, they wouldn't want the west destroyed any more, cause that's like the only place where they would be allowed to exist and live in peace. Right? Hmm... The places my mind goes to sometimes scares the shit out of me!


At 7/28/2005 12:42:00 AM, Anonymous sandandsea said...

My only fear is that people like you and so called "Jihadists" live in this world. Sick. Truly sick. Leaves me wondering if you are homosexually deprived. Perhaps this is your sick way of fulfilling your perverse fantasy. Hmmm.Get a life and a real solution.

At 7/28/2005 01:03:00 AM, Blogger The Sandmonkey said...


Ohh yeah baby!

At 7/28/2005 08:47:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you certain that at some point you have not got any English blood in you, that is very similar to dark English humour.

Actually you hit on something here, we should ridicule the fundementalists, did you see the living in a cave rant about Bin Laden after the 7/7 bombings, priceless...

At 7/28/2005 11:10:00 AM, Blogger barkingboy said...

Do we really want more soldiers of gay men?

At 7/28/2005 11:10:00 AM, Blogger Melissa in NorCal said...

Well, they did something similar at Gitmo using a women and we got likened to a gulag in Soviet Russia. I just don't know what they would call us if we did it your way. Besides, I though Jihadis were all homosexuals anyway.

At 7/28/2005 05:26:00 PM, Blogger Ron Larson said...

Funny. But a single bullet to the head is much faster, cheaper, and more effective.

At 7/29/2005 06:23:00 AM, Blogger Mirco said...

1) Where do you think to find some gays that would waste their time with these losers?
2) Putting them in aprison for 10 years, like you suggested, require too much money.

If you want punish and deter them, you must punish them so they can not avoid the punishment:
1) If caught alive, take out their limbs, tongue, eye and ears. Then turn them to their family.
2) If they are die before of this, kill all males in their family (brothers, sons and parents and any male cousin that say good about them). And put their bodies inside pig skins before sinking them in the sea.

This is about single or low scale attacks.

If the attacks are bigger than 10 killed or 50 wounded, raze down any mosque where they praied.

At 7/30/2005 08:02:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, in a perfect world maybe.
Someone I know suggested blowing them up (that's what they were about to do to themselves anyway, right?) but to do it very slowly. A long process with tiny bombs, beginning with little explosions under their fingernails.

I thought it was cruel, but she has a point. The explosion they were about to commit would have impacted a great many people. Each victim would suffer an explosion. By exploding the would be suicide-bomber several times, slowly, he'd be tasting a little bit of what he was about to do to all these people, one at a time.

Of course, these r fantasies. I destest sick individuals like mirco (who commented on your site). The nice thing about yr solution is essentially that it would make them ashamed and it would make it quite impossible for them to be respected by those who would have applauded their suicide bombing.



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