Hell

*Me and Polly talking about which Hell we are likely to go to* Polly: h Polly: ha Polly: All of them Sam: dude Sam: u will end up in purgatory or something Sam: you are too prissy to go to hell Polly: Yeah Polly: I don't know Sam: i am gonna to slut hell Sam: my biggest vice is lust apparently Polly: hahaha Polly: there are worse Polly: At least there will be other sluts there Sam: yes Sam: slut, lust Sam: same letters Sam: coincidence Sam: me thinks not Sam: but u know something? Sam: hell would be Sam: where all the sluts are around you Sam: and you got an erectile dysfunction Sam: and no Viagra Sam: that's hell Sam: or like for you Polly: oooh Polly: yeah Polly: that's bad Sam: its a room full of gorgoeus men Sam: and they are all gay Sam: and like Sam: u have no hands Sam: so u can't achieve self-relief Sam: ohh Sam: and like Sam: all they do Sam: is play Sade music Polly: gross Polly: I hate sade. Polly: I dont HATE it Polly: but - eww an eternity of it? Sam: yes Sam: an eternity of beings surrounded by gorgeous gay men while being perpetually horny with no hands and Sade's music playing in the background Polly: That is awful. Polly: but only because gay guys are so annoying in large doses. Sam: hot gay guys Sam: just the kind u like Sam: except supergay Polly: Still annoying Sam: hmm Polly: maybe they could at least be funny Polly: throw me a bone! Sam: hell would be a never ending dinner with my mom and dad Polly: OH Polly: yikes. Sam: hell would be forced to watch Ernest movies Polly: Hell is a karaoke bar in Tulsa, OK Polly: where all they have are Reba McEntyre songs Sam: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Sam: I hate Reba Polly: OK this could be a fun post Polly: you should save this IM Polly: convo Sam: lol Sam: i will Polly: Hmmm Polly: Hell is having to sit here and read all this lame shit my ex-boyfriend is Polly: asking me Polly: about his new girlfriend Polly: oh wait - that's happening now... Sam: lol Polly: I love IM Polly: because facetiousness Polly: goes undetected Polly: if you play it right Polly: and you just get to sit back and giggle. Sam: Hell would be having an intellectual discussion with Mariah Carrey Polly: LOL Polly: And dinner with Gene Simmons Sam: yeah Polly: and being taught Algebra by Andy Dick Polly: I am just saying random stuff now Sam: drama class by andy dick Sam: what else is hellish? Polly: hmmm Polly: Well - let me think Polly: My personal idea of hell would be having to be on America's Next Top Model Polly: And being forced to compete for real Polly: and not being able to spoof it. Sam: lol Polly: And Janice Dickinson measuring my fat calipers Sam: Hell would be if you became a supermodel? Sam: hmm Polly: Well no Polly: because I am 5'3 and lardo Polly: compared to the other ho's Polly: and people would just be hating on me the whole time Polly: and not letting me eat carbs Sam: Hell would be if you were stuck with babysitting 5 kids for a week Polly: And I hate having my pic taken Sam: and they all have ADD Polly: And you can't beat them. Polly: JK JK JK Sam: and there is no cable Sam: or Internet Sam: and the house has no foods Sam: except sweets Polly: Or being stuck in an airport bar for eternity Polly: that smells like ciggies Polly: and old people Polly: and lame guys hitting on Sam: hold on Sam: hell would be going to a party Sam: and all of your ex's are there Sam: and they all are with new significant others, while you are there solo Polly: ARG Polly: that would suck Polly: and they all keep rubbing your nose in it Sam: yep Sam: all engaged to be married too Sam: with great jobs Sam: hell is meeting the person you wanna have kids with, and you find out they are infertile Polly: hmmm... Polly: interesting Polly: Hell is being forced to have a baby you don't want Polly: or aren't ready for Sam: hell is where the only place u can shop at is Kmart Sam: hell is where all the weed you want to buy is shwag Sam: and the only alcohol available is moonshine Sam: hell is a country karaoke bar where all the singers are Japanese Polly: oh lord Polly: I had a nightmare the other night Sam: heheh Polly: that Adam went blind and I went deaf Polly: that would be HELL. Sam: hell would be having the most desirable lover and not being able to achieve an orgasm Sam: hell would be stuck in 8th grade, forever Sam: stuck in puberty forever Sam: Hell would be if Adam fell in love with your sister Sam: =-O Polly: GRRRRRRRRRR Sam: seee Sam: hjell would be if adam's new job was with all of your Ex's Sam: and you always had to go to office parties Polly: god Polly: that would blow Sam: hell would be being stuck in an elevator with Paris Hilton Sam: come on Sam: give me some Polly: Hell would be being adopted by a mormon family and having the church elders take a shine to you Polly: And all the old dudes trying to make you their wife Polly: and the younger guys getting thrown out so they won't be competition Sam: hmmm Sam: hell would be being born a girl in to an ultra conservative family saudi arabia Polly: hell would be having to work at supercuts Polly: and cut hair for fat ladies with sideburns Polly: Hell would be having to get a brazilian every day - and then your hair grows back overnight Polly: and you have to start over the next day Sam: hell would be working as a masseuse for really gross fat people Polly: Hell would be working at Walmart in the photography studio Sam: hell would be being whitney Houston;s assistant Sam: or Bobby Brown's lawyer Polly: oooh Polly: or just being Bobbi Christina Sam: horrific Sam: hell would be being Nick lachey Sam: ur wife is hotter then you Sam: she makes all the money Sam: and you are just following her around while she fucks johnny knoxville Sam: ohh Sam: and did i mention she is Jessica Simpson Polly: eeee Sam: so yeah Sam: conversations must be intellectually Sam: hell would be stuck in an S&M dungeon filled with french people Sam: hell would be an Indian nude beach Sam: hmm Sam: good thing i am not god Sam: hell would be an all you can eat buffet of british cuisine Polly: eeew Polly: spotted dick. Polly: and cabbage. Sam: and hages Sam: Hold on... Sam: my friend is dead Sam: ohh lord Polly: What? Sam: gtg Sam: i need to call someone Sam: just found out my good friend died Sam: i am gonna ttyl Sam: ok? Polly: ok

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I got one more : Hell is when 5 of the best people you've ever met die over the past 5 years, all young, decent and talented kids, while nothing bad happens to a single jerk, douchebag or asshole you know. Instead, they all seem to continue living and thriving. Sigh...