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Rantings of a Sandmonkey

Be forewarned: The writer of this blog is an extremely cynical, snarky, pro-US, secular, libertarian, disgruntled sandmonkey. If this is your cup of tea, please enjoy your stay here. If not, please sod off

Sunday, October 02, 2005

All good things come in threes

There is this guy at work whose wife just had triplets.3 Children. At the same. One right after the other. I keep getting this image of a Pez Dispenser whenever I think of it. Or one of those Tennis-ball-spitting-machines. It's all very mentally disturbing to me Image –wise, I don’t know why! However, the dude, a first time father, now has 3 kids. 2 girls and a boy. People at work are calling it a miracle from God. I tend to call it a miracle from Pfizer. And it seems that I have it right: This doctor they went to was concerned that they may not have babies, so he gave them this drug, and Viola: Triplets. And all they wanted was one kid. All they planned on was one kid. Thanks modern science for fucking people over again. Thanks a lot. And while they say all good things come in threes, the same doesn’t apply to children, cause , you see, kids cost money. He has to feed them, cloths them, buy baby food, toys and diapers, never sleep from all the crying they will subject him to. And then, and then they go to school. And since it’s Egypt, they have to go to a private school, which is expensive, multiply by 3, add tutoring expenses, new cloths, books, school supplies, more food, more toys, and never even mind high school, cars, college or getting married. ahhhh, the mind reels. So, all of us at my company have collected money amongst ourselves and gave it to him, a way to congratulate him for "god's gift" to him, and a way to tell him that we know how fucked he will be. He joked how he will probably need us to make this a monthly habit. Ha, half what's said in jest, right? Fuck him. He ain't getting no more money from me to support his spawns. No one told him to take fertility drugs that moron. Personal responsibility motherfucker. You get no sympathy from me. Actually, what he keeps getting from me is increased hostility. Everyday now I go to him and instead of saying good morning I am like "3? 3 fuckin kids? What the fuck is wrong with you? Isn’t the country overpopulated enough you bastard? Does the morgue need anymore dead bodies?", followed by a warning from me that he shouldn't even Kiss his wife any time soon, let alone fuck her. I tell him that he should probably keep his distance and just waive hi to her once a day from across the apartment and then proceed to sleep on the couch. Not even holding hands is allowed. You never know with a woman like that. She is giving the Napa valley a run for its money when it comes to fertility. You know? Triplets. Jesus.

13 Comments:

At 10/02/2005 02:13:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

He wanted a kid and he ended up with 3, I hope everyone helps him out. I think you are wrong to be mean to him,and kids don't choose their parents so don't blame them either.

Give the guy a break!!! and a bit of support...

 
At 10/02/2005 02:55:00 PM, Blogger Nicole said...

I say harrass him all u can .... fertility drugs are known to commonly produce more than one child ... he asked for it now give him hell

 
At 10/02/2005 03:48:00 PM, Blogger Mister Ghost said...

Sam You am,
You might have missed this:

Suicide Bombing At Oklahoma Memorial Stadium last night - Free Republic has lots of comments and coverage with the latest update.

 
At 10/02/2005 03:52:00 PM, Blogger Mister Ghost said...

On the Triplets, well it's Polygamous Egypt, so he could marry his daughters off to the same man and save on the dowry.

Or the family could become one of those radical Mormon types that live in the backwaters of the Arizona-Utah border and end up all marrying the same guy.

 
At 10/02/2005 04:46:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No sympathy for fertility drugs from me either! What a stupid thing to do expecially since he/they didn't even consider what would happen if they worked like they do. It is a rare occassion using fertility drugs that you only get one.

He might think your tesing is funny but you are again right. Now that she has concieved it will be easier to repeat. The man and his wife if they aren't careful could have 8 kids within the next 5 years.:( Tell him he might need an extra job.

 
At 10/02/2005 04:48:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've always heard that bad things came in 3's?

 
At 10/03/2005 03:02:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why do you always swear so much when you write? What do you have against this guy?
He wanted to have a kid which is legitimate, but he was misguided by his doctor so why are you nasty to him? Dude i really do not appreciate this attitude of yours especially that it is truly unfounded.
Marmar

 
At 10/03/2005 06:00:00 AM, Anonymous Suz said...

SM, I agree. It slays me when people create octuplets, via modern science, then say it is "God's will". Congratulate him, give a one time gift, then sit back and pray that they, as a family can learn how to creatively save money, provide for their own welfare and be an inspiration to others who struggle. Oh, and if you give him any further gifts, I would suggest a carton of Lifestyles condoms.

And Marmar--noone is forcing you to read this blog. Go write your own unoffensive (and probably boring) blog. I like Sandmonkey's passion.

 
At 10/03/2005 06:57:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Suz,
I also like this blog very much and i read it all the time. All i am saying is that you do not have to use offensive language to get your point across. On the contrary any argument that includes swearing decreases the quality of what the person is writing.
Second of all, expressing a view point that is different from that of Sandmonkey does not mean that i am boring and that i have to go write a boring blog. Look last i checked we still have free speech. I have all the right to write my comment and not agree with Sandmonkey without having to be judged by you.
Marmar

 
At 10/03/2005 07:00:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What your friend probably needs more than money is a method to raise these babies economically and efficiently. Maybe some books or other resources from parents with multiple twins?

jonas976

 
At 10/03/2005 07:29:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Marmar, I just love how the looneys whenever their viewpoint is questioned fling out that free speech thing. Doesn't SM have the same right to use whatever language he wants to use on his own blog, isn't that free speech too? Lefties are such hypocrites and just too damn dumb to realize it.DUH!

 
At 10/03/2005 08:08:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the comment.
You are right free speech means that SM can swear his head off and i can always comment on how i do not like that. So equation solved.
You made your point and i made mine.
Just for the record i never asked SM to stop swearing i just asked him why he did it so much. So i really do not think i violated his free speech right by asking a simple question.
Marmar

 
At 10/06/2005 02:48:00 AM, Anonymous Ruth said...

Sam,

I think this is something you cannot (yet?) relate to. Imagine wanting a child really badly for several years - can you do that? Then the doctor gives you hope with a safe drug. He might or might not mention that the drug has a reord of creating multiple pregnancies. Even if he does, no problem - this could be solved by aborting while leaving the one or two feti you really want. Then it happens, three little hearts beating, three little heads on the monitor. You and more so your wife are already in love with them. How can you condem one or two of them to death? How can you choose who to keep?

 

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