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Rantings of a Sandmonkey

Be forewarned: The writer of this blog is an extremely cynical, snarky, pro-US, secular, libertarian, disgruntled sandmonkey. If this is your cup of tea, please enjoy your stay here. If not, please sod off

Saturday, March 04, 2006

On buying used cars

I don't know if I mentioned how funny Crystal blog can be often, or, like, at all, because I like to haug the good stuff to myself. But this piece she just wrote on what the used car salesmen say and what they really mean when they talk to you is just so awesome I had to share: What car dealers say: "Sure! We can get you financed for that monthly payment! Come on down and I'll get ya taken care of!" What they really mean: "I'm gonna get you down here whether your credit is acceptable or not! That car you wanted? It's sold! I sold it this morning, but I'm not going to tell you that! Oh, and additionally, we sold that car for $2,000 more than what it was advertised for, because, let's face it, there's a sucker born every minute! When you get here, I'm going to talk really fast and very forcefully! I'm going to use financing terms you won't understand to confuse you, laugh at the piece of shit you rolled up in and have whispered conversations close enough so that you can see I'm talking about you, but not so close that you can hear me! I'm going to force stale coffee down your throat! You'll need it, because you'll be here for a little over six hours! Then, when I realize that you were telling the truth and your credit truly IS shit, this dookie-eating grin is going to fall right off my face, my tie is coming off and I'm going to treat you like you just raped my mom! I'm going to circle numbers, spout useless features like a sun-roof and bully you until you agree to a $872 per month car payment! Afterwards, when you have questions about your loan, you'll never be able to reach me and I won't be returning your calls because I already got paid, bitch! So, how about we do this now and why don't you just run along and get that pretty little girl of yours out of the car because you'll be signing her and your next 112 paychecks over to us, mkay?" Hehehehe. So True!

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