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Rantings of a Sandmonkey

Be forewarned: The writer of this blog is an extremely cynical, snarky, pro-US, secular, libertarian, disgruntled sandmonkey. If this is your cup of tea, please enjoy your stay here. If not, please sod off

Thursday, April 07, 2005

My VWRC White Trash Wendsdays Interview

About a week ago, i volunteerd on Beth's Blog My Vast Right Wing Conpiracy to get interviewed by Beth's White Trash alter ego BEULAH MAE (The post with her questions can be found here). In compliance with her rules, i posted the questions and will answer them here. Hope y'all don't get confused by the spelling: 1 - how you got so dern smart about American thangs any ways?!!! (i thank MISS BETH prolly should read u more cuz she like’s to read smarty pants blogs specialy when thay is in place’s like ur’s!!!) Well, for one thing i've lived there for the past 5 years, while i was going to School in Boston. When i was there i noticed that the other sandmonkeys only hung out with each other or other Foreigners, which i thought was pretty strange cause i figured that if i wanted to hang out with more people like me, i would've stayed in Egypt. I reckoned since i was in the States, i should make the effort to get to know the people and the culture and i did. While most of my egyptian friends spent their time buying Armani Exchange cloths, going out clubbing and getting the perquisite Brazilian Girlfriend that certifies your status as Eurotrash, i bought my cloths at Marshals, went to Bars, Keggers and Houseparties and the vast majority of the girls i dated were american. This of course caused my fellow sandmonkeys to regard me as something close to a mutant; they could never figure out why i was hanging out with those “ dumb and ignorant” Americans who “buy their cloths at the GAP” and “don’t even know who Paul Oakenfold is”. Ohh, they made me laugh. I will tell you more or less what I told them: If you make the effort to know them, the American people are some of the kindest and most accepting people on earth. They got some serious work-ethics and won’t respect you if you are a slacker; they abhor lying and fake people; they mind their own business; and if you are truly their friend and there for them when they need you, there is nothing that they won’t do for you in return. Sure, a lot of them may not know a lot about world events, affairs or history (they make the effort to find out when it starts to concern them), but that’s because, for the most part, they don’t have time, or they don’t really care about things that don’t concern them or affect them. What they do care about is getting their work done right, enjoying themselves on the weekend, taking care of their homes and families and taking a vacation every once in a while. That’s it! They like to keep things simple. But yeah, I ended up learning that much about them because of the huge amount of friends (liberals and conservative) that I had there ( every American I’ve met loves the idea of having a friend from Egypt I found out; I think it has to do with the pyramids) and the numerous girls I’ve dated, which all came from different backgrounds. I’ve dated a Black girl from Queens and a black girl from Ohio who hated the fact that she was such an Orio, 2 Sephardim Jewish girls from Brooklyn and an Ashkenazi Jewish girl from Long Island who thought it was funny to refer to herself as a JAP, A Harvard white girl whose mother worked for the ACLU, A Berklee chick who was a Jehovah’s witness turned Wicca, a born again Christian girl from Missouri, an ex-army brat and a reserve marine from North Carolina, and a Latina from Texas. I was an experience junkie: I have seen everything from People getting slain by the Holy spirit in Missouri Southern Baptist churches to people paying good money to girls so that they would let them lick their feet in NYC Fetish clubs. I went everywhere from Raves in California, to Hunting Trips in Upstate New York, to NASCAR races in New Hampshire, to Hippie festivals and Pot rallies in Massachusetts and Nevada, to Gun-shows in Virginia and South Carolina. My American friends and girlfriends and their families would take me to those places AND I WOULD ALWAYS HAVE AN AWESOME TIME. Most of my Egyptian friends don’t even know what half of those things are and they would always complain how the US is so boring compared to Europe. Little did they know. 2 - aint u glad u dont live in america ware we might hafta draft u!!!! does yall hafta be in the egyptian army and kin u tell us sum thang about wat’s that like? I am glad as hell Beulah, and all my liberal american friends are freaking out about that. They all wanna escape to Egypt to avoid getting drafted. I am currently trying to find a piece of land for them where they can start a hippie commune. Seriously. I am not kidding. Anyway.. We do have a draft in Egypt and it only applies to men who have male siblings, so if you are an only child or all your siblings are female it doesn't apply to you. However, if that is the case you don't get clearance from the military that you are fully exempted until you are 35 or until your father turns 60, whichever is sooner ; until either one happens you only get temporarily exemption. The Logic behind this is that the military decided that men won't probably be able to have babies after the age of 60, but for some reason they should be able to right until the last day of their 59th year. So if your father turned 60, and you get exempted and then he gets married and has a male baby, you are in the clear. The Egyptian military seems to be unaware of the existance of Viagra for some reaosn. But if you do have a male brother and they happen to call on people born in your year to serve, you have to go for a physical. If you pass the physical they decide whether they want to make a soldier or an officer out of you and that distinction is very importnat, cause soldiers only serve for one year while officers have to serve 2. If you are an M.D. or an Engineer of any kind, you are immedietly made into an officer; people with other majors are assigned their rank based on case to case basis. 3 - u said u might share sum of ur email’s with us hear. i wanna read em but will u get in trouble or harassed? You can read the ones i got and my responses to them right here. I havn't gotton in trouble or gotten harrassed for posting them untilnow though ( knock on wood), but will update you if i do. 4 - wat does ur trailor look like? i mean cuz i caint ax all serius queschins!!!! I don't have a trailer, but if i did it would either have to be a two story double wide trailer, or something like this. I am big on comfort. 5 - do u like PBR beer or schlitz beer? or if u aint a beer drinkor wats wrong with u and do u like thunderbird or mad dog or cisco bettor then? Between those two i would have to chose Schlitz. I am more of a Budweiser kind of guy. Now that this interview is over, it's time for me to fill in my end of the bargain: In exchange of getting interviewed i promised i would do the same and interview a couple of commenters. So if you want to get interviewed by me, here are the rules: Leave me a comment saying “interview me”. The first Three commenters will be the participants. I will respond by asking you five questions. You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. (Write your own questions or borrow some.) Ok?


At 4/07/2005 10:53:00 AM, Blogger Rosebuds said...


Just finished reading most of your blog from the beginning. Great stuff. I grew up in Boston (Irish catholic, what else..lol), now live on the Cape Cod. Funny how two people with such disparate backgrounds can view the world almost exactly the same.

Also love the Sox and Pats, I'm a season tix holder to both and went to all three Pats superbowls and alot of the playoff and World Series games of the Sox. You should of been here for the Sox Parade..it was wild. (Last night Sox/Yankees Jeter got hit in the head with a pitch..the war has started again already..lol)

Anyway keep up the great blogging.


At 4/07/2005 11:23:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yankees Suck!!

At 4/07/2005 02:46:00 PM, Blogger Josie said...

Ummm... okay... interview me?

I think you got Americans pretty much right, except for one thing maybe. You said that we aren't very interested in world events unless it affects us. That's pretty much true, except for when we hear about how hungry or poor somebody is... and then we always want to send money to them.

At 4/08/2005 07:38:00 AM, Anonymous Hellme said...

Nothing beats 'white man's charity' ey?

At 4/08/2005 06:46:00 PM, Blogger Beth said...


I just found your site through the other Beth's site (MyVRWC). Very interesting. I know you've never heard of my blog, but you can interview me if you want to.

Time to wander through your archives now...


At 4/08/2005 06:56:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hellme are you complaining about people sending food and money to try and stop a famine? I don't mind the whole anti-american ideology, but, is sending money to try and stop a famine really all that bad. Americans are not as white as you may think and few care about Kipling.

At 4/08/2005 09:11:00 PM, Blogger Beth said...

uh... Sam... just noticed that my blogger profile only shows the blogfest site... my blog is here

At 10/30/2005 03:53:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi SM,

Thought your post about americans great. I had all sorts of miscopnceptions about the place until i went there, lived, worked, and loved it! (however LAs still too weird for me:)...

Chewed up all your posts with great satisfaction. Keep em rolling.


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