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Rantings of a Sandmonkey

Be forewarned: The writer of this blog is an extremely cynical, snarky, pro-US, secular, libertarian, disgruntled sandmonkey. If this is your cup of tea, please enjoy your stay here. If not, please sod off

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Another Bullshit article on the keys to happiness

Yahoo has up this new article called : The Keys to Happiness, and Why We Don't Use Them. Articles like this one piss me off beyoned belief, because they propogate the theory that there is an actual one-size-fits-all formula to happiness that we all can follow and, you know, become happy. Needless to say that that's freakin stupid and simplistic, because people are different from eachother, and what makes you happy may make someone else truly miserable, or even freak them off. I mean, we live in a world where some people get their kicks from being eaten alive by cannibals, and other who are so happy and content being in a BDSM realtionships they write blogs and books about it. Hell, I knew a girl who would become so msierable if she didn't have sex every single night, regardless of the identity of sexual partner, that she would go into crying fits that borderd on nervous breakdowns until someone agreed to sleep with her, and then she would be very happy. The point is: People are weird, and they get happy for all sorts of reasons, and let's not even talk about the depressive people who don't even want to be happy. Those are a different story all together. Anyway... So what kind of enlightenment does the article provide? Oh, you know, same old same old crap: Sonja Lyubomirsky of the University of California at Riverside has discovered that the road toward a more satisfying and meaningful life involves a recipe repeated in schools, churches and synagogues. Make lists of things for which you're grateful in your life, practice random acts of kindness, forgive your enemies, notice life's small pleasures, take care of your health, practice positive thinking, and invest time and energy into friendships and family. Blah blah blah.... I tried that shit. It doesn't work. My list of things I am grateful for included how happy I was that my dad never got another women pregnant in his whoring around; the random acts of kindness crap bakcfired when people started demanding them on regular basis; I usualy forgive my enemies because usually when they mess with me they are the ones who get screwed, so they still hate me regardless; taking care of my health would mean not eating the kind of food that actually makes me happy, so screw that; and everytime I invest time into friendships and family not only do I get dissapointed from the results, I get depressed from how shitty, petty and stupid people have become, especially people related to me. This recipe is the key to depression if anything. Thinking about that shit makes me want to slit my wrists! You wanna know the key to happiness? Realizing that it's fleeting and that it won't last. That in your lifetime you will get very few moments in which you are truly happy. That's it. As Dennis Leary said: it comes in small doses. It's an orgasm, a good desert, a perfectly made cup of coffe, an interesting play, a good friday night outing with your friends, something in that vain. That's all you get. Accept it! And while you are contemplating this, here is a thought: Don't demand to be happy all the time, and maybe you won't be so depressed about your failure to do so. Now have yourselves a nice day!

10 Comments:

At 3/02/2006 02:10:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

happiness is a warm puppy. happiness is a loaded M16. The funniest thing that I have ever seen is a photo of a Titan missile room hatch painted like a Dominos box, "Worldwide delivery in 30 minutes or your next one is free". OK, I'm a sick puppy but my point is that there are things in this world that can make you smile, even laugh even in the face of the futility of it all. "If you stand by the river long enough you will watch the bodies of your enemies float by"..Sun Tzu. I have the book and I highly recommend it, he would have loved you Sam. BW

 
At 3/02/2006 06:34:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Hell, I knew a girl who would become so msierable if she didn't have sex every single night, regardless of the identity of sexual partner, that she would go into crying fits that borderd on nervous breakdowns until someone agreed to sleep with her, and then she would be very happy."

Do you still have her address? lmao j/k :D


Anywhoo, when I was young, I used to have a charlie brown blanket with "the keys to happiness..." I think snoopy and the gang had the right formula to happiness. One of the most memorable ones goes something like..."Happiness is waking up on a school day and finding out you still have an extra hour to sleep.." That one was quite nice since I used to pull all-nighters to do homework and that extra hour of sleep meant the difference between being alive or being half-dead while at school.

It's the little things in life.

jonas

 
At 3/02/2006 08:24:00 AM, Blogger Christine said...

I agree with jonas. It is the little things in life. If you spend you life waiting to happy until the "big things" happen, you will never truly be happy.

One day at a time helps when you're feeling down. Trust me on this.

 
At 3/02/2006 08:27:00 AM, Blogger D.C. said...

At the end of the very funny Red Green Show in Canada, Red Green says, if the ladies don't find you handsome at least they'll find you handy. - So, we could say, if you don't find yourself happy, at least you can find yourself funny. :-)

My dear sweet Sandmonkey, the BS article makes a lot of sense to me, I am afraid to say. It's harder work for happiness than for misery. The results feel better, somehow. ;-)

 
At 3/02/2006 08:29:00 AM, Blogger D.C. said...

* However *, the results feel better, somehow. ;-)

 
At 3/02/2006 10:18:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happiness is having something you like to look forward to.

 
At 3/02/2006 10:21:00 AM, Blogger marin_explorer said...

it comes in small doses. It's an orgasm, a good desert, a perfectly made cup of coffe, an interesting play

Happiness is what you make it to be. Some people need sex, others a good latte, others want everything, and some make their own happiness. Different goals, different success rates.

 
At 3/02/2006 03:38:00 PM, Blogger Ron Larson said...

Dennis Leary is right. Happiness is relative, not absolute. I can never understand the appeal of heaven as a place of never-ending happiness. That has to get really boring. What if you become unhappy with being happy?

Unless you have some pain to compare it to, you will never recognize happiness.

 
At 3/02/2006 07:43:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What crawled up your butt, Sandmonkey?

iS iT halF emPty oR what?

 
At 3/03/2006 06:50:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

See, this is why Sam CAN'T write a book on acheiving happiness because he succeeded in doing it in five paragraphs. That's not even a pamphlet. You would need another 200 pages of filler to get people to slap down their hard-earned jing at the local bookstore or at Amazon.com. The challenge would be to make that filler satisfying to the reader.

THAT'S the key to happiness: Satisfying Filler.

-Troy Z

 

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