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Rantings of a Sandmonkey

Be forewarned: The writer of this blog is an extremely cynical, snarky, pro-US, secular, libertarian, disgruntled sandmonkey. If this is your cup of tea, please enjoy your stay here. If not, please sod off

Monday, March 06, 2006

Confession Time

Honesty is scary. This is the simple Truth that many of us know, either from personal experience or from reading the Postsecret cards. The reality is that we all hide things we feel and did/do/want to do from each other out of fear of scrutiny or judgment, or out of our belief that we would be assured that we are the really bad horrible people we may think ourselves to be. That's why some of us go to therapy, the catholics amongst us go to confession, and some of us go to websites like grouphug in order to confess anonymously our secrets and let them out, once and for all. I didn't know about Grouphug until I read the book version, which had the collection of the best confessions ever submitted on them. I have been addcited to that website ever since, wasting houres of work-time reading the confessions. I have never submitted a confession myself, but I was thoroughly both terrified and reliefed of how many confessions I could relate to and of knowing that I am not the only one who thinks those kind of thoughts. Thus the point of this post. I want you all to play along like we did on that post and submit an anonymous confession in the comments section of this post. It could be anything you want to confess or lay off your chest, once and for all. I will start by posting a confession here to get the ball rolling, and then I will put a second anonymous confession in the comments section at some point during the day. My first confession is the following: The truism that rooming with your friend is the fastest way to ruin your friendship is true. I got my own apartment sophmore year in college with a korean-american friend of mine, and it ended up being the roommate situation from hell. He was a twinky who thought he was black, if that makes any sense to you. He would get the rent money from his parents the begining of the month and then would spend it all on weed, and would work for 2 weeks trying to raise the money so we wouldn't get evicted for not paying our rent on time.He would hang out with his friends in his room and hook up a mike to this huge speaker and play classic hiphop music and attempt to rap to it, at 3 AM IN THE MORNING! Not only that, he was trying to grow a marijuana plant in his room, which anyone who went into our apartment could see, because the moron one night got drunk with his friends and then thought it would be an AWESOME IDEA to break the door to his room. So now, anytime the cops may knock on our apartment (which was frequent because the whole building would have the craziest parties. The Unisex stripper party- which was my idea- was the best though, but that's another story) they might see it, and we would all get arrested, since I wouldn't be able to deny knowledge of its existance, given that anyone can see it and all. So anyway, one day I got fed up and decided I would do something about it. So I went and got a can of hairspray from my neighbour and sprayed hairspray all over the plant and the soil, which I knew would end up killing it, no matter what, within the week. I then went and brought see-through nail polish and used it to paint all over the electric plug of the giant speaker. Nail polish is an insulator, so if he plugged the speaker to the electric outlet, the speaker wouldn't work, because the electricity couldn't go through. So not only did he think his speaker got busted when he came back that day, within a week his pot plant died as well. He couldn't figure out what happened, and I think he silently doubted I was behind this, but he really couldn't prove it. After that, I ended up sleeping really well without worrying about him "busting a verse" to "Dre Day"at 4 am, or of the cops arresteing him and me one day for growing weed in the apartment. And You know what? I don't feel bad about it at all. I am glad I did it! *Confession over* Now it's your turn, just like last time. Confess to Father Sandmonkey and don't be afraid of judgment, cause there won't be any. Just go for it. Sure, you won't get immediate absolution or anything, but I bet you will feel good about letting it off your chest! It's Confession Time people, let's get this started!

62 Comments:

At 3/06/2006 03:33:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok Sandy, I'll bite.

I am one of the few liberals who read your website, and totaly not an FOB or pro racial profiling or anything of the sort. I am however scared of Muslim people. Not just the extreemists, but rather all of them. And it's not the ideology or anything, but just the way you guys pray. It's like you are in a trance or something, and you all do it together, and it scares me for some reason.

 
At 3/06/2006 03:35:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like to make honey and jelly sandwiches that I end up dipping in my cup of tea everyday!

 
At 3/06/2006 03:36:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My ex- husband used to beat me up. I am now with a different man and am happy. But every now and then I fantasize about grabbing a baseball bat and going over to his house and beating the shit out of him.

 
At 3/06/2006 03:44:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I still like the Backstreet Boys!

 
At 3/06/2006 03:50:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a pacifist.

But I don't weep when extremists are killed...

 
At 3/06/2006 03:53:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't stand your political views, your smugness, the way you present things or your utter lack of objectivity.

But I can't stop reading you. It's like an addiction. I think I am in love with your blog and your brain and would totally date you if I had the chance and I hate myself for it.


An angry muslim egyptian girl!

 
At 3/06/2006 04:05:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a professor at a university but I own a Team Aniston t-shirt.

 
At 3/06/2006 05:16:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I'm surrounded by idiots, nobody gets what I talk about anymore. Which makes me think that I have no friends since most of them turned out to be idiots, dying to get married or married and consequently retarded. I'm so lonely with no one around with a worthy brain to talk to :(

 
At 3/06/2006 05:29:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Our neighbours have a 80-year or so old oak tree thats restricting our view of the ocean. One night, when we knew they were´nt at home, me and my brother "accidentaly spilled" 10 litres of sulphuric acid on the roots of that tree...It still stands though, next time we´ll try bleach.

Ahh..how nice to get that off my chest ;) Great blog b t w, reading it every day.

 
At 3/06/2006 05:53:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Sandmonkey. Been reading your site for a while now, i think its great.

My confession? Just sometimes, I put my baby girl to bed extra early, so I can relax, chug away on a bong and read blogs like yours....

 
At 3/06/2006 06:00:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've written my secret twice and subsequently erased it. I guess I'm too chicken shit

 
At 3/06/2006 06:13:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am sick and tired of the young generation of Egyptian men sleeping around and boasting about it, trying to be cool and "westernized" while they end up with virgins in the end. It is unfair, disgusting and gross.

 
At 3/06/2006 06:19:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm scared of everything. the world, the future, the afterlife.

 
At 3/06/2006 06:46:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I still like the Backstreet Boys!

Is that you, Sam? :D



jonas

 
At 3/06/2006 06:55:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

-I have New Kids On The Block and Britney Spears CDs.

-I almost missed the plane because I fell aslleep after eating too much فول مدمس in Egypt

-I want my husband to go away sometimes so I can enjoy "me" time.

-I secretly want to flatten the tires of anyone I get mad at.

-I wash the dishes while my husband takes a shower when I am mad at him just so he runs out of hot water.

 
At 3/06/2006 07:10:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

About 10 yrs ago I was 20yrs old. I was dating my first girlfriend at the time. One day I went over to her house and she showed my a home pregnancy test that was positive. I was so scared. Over the next few weeks we were both freaking out. We talked about all the options. I even mentioned abortion, which I am against. Then one day she called me and said she lost the baby. She didnt tell me why or how. Then we broke up right after that. I never did know if she had an abortion or not and I am leaning toward the fact she did. To this day, I am riddled with guilt about it. I am married now and have two kids of my own. I have never told my wife about it and never will. It bothers me all the time and I am worried God will judge me for this. It makes me feel like such a hypocrite.

 
At 3/06/2006 07:34:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Annymous @ 6:13

There is a great joke to go with that.
Why do Arab men come so fast ????

Because they cant wait to go and tell their friends...

 
At 3/06/2006 08:08:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so miserable in my marriage yet I am willing to stay that way just because I dont want to hurt my wife by getting a divorce....

 
At 3/06/2006 08:29:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sandmonkey, the one drawback to this is that, unlike the therapist or the confession-hearing priest, is that you don't have the training to counsel or the religious authority (let's call it that) to speak of God's forgiveness to the seriously hurting people who answer your invitation to confess. Neither do I. However, I want to say that I am very moved by the grief and pain of the man who wrote at 7:10 AM. I'm sorry that happened, brother. You were only twenty and you were frightened. God's compassion is without bounds. I hope you find peace.

 
At 3/06/2006 09:44:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I was a kid... at band camp... I beat a gopher with a stick.

 
At 3/06/2006 09:45:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

she promised me, she did you know. But then Albright had to walk in, carrying on as usual... so anyway, she jumped and hit her head, no not Maggi, the other one, and there it was on her little blue dress. Maggi was still carying on, while I quickly peaked down and I could not help thinking: I have a bad feeeling about this.

 
At 3/06/2006 09:47:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I slept with my best friend's husband before he was her husband. That was about 26 years ago and they are still together. I will never tell her but my husband knows what happened. I silently hope that if I die first no one compares notes at my funeral because half of the men there will find out that they have something in common. :o I think I have redeemed myself by being a completely faithful wife for the past few decades?

 
At 3/06/2006 10:06:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My extremely racist white family is in the process of becoming totally black. I married a black man and had 4 children. My children have married black partners. I have 4 grandchildren.

I am divorced now and moved to an area of the country in the south where I have distant cousins. These people are at the extreme edge of racist. They do not know about my "family secret". If they did, they would hang me.

 
At 3/06/2006 10:07:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

By the way, I am the only living person in my generation.

 
At 3/06/2006 10:13:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sometimes I wish I was born dumb. Stupid people seem to have it easy. Not to mention, i would have an excuse for being the failure that I am, beasides being lazy that is.

 
At 3/06/2006 10:14:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel that my life lacks forward momentum. Like everything is happening so fast time just stands still.

 
At 3/06/2006 10:25:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I slept with my best friends Mum at college and on the same day with my best friend. Then I got her mum arrested a couple of weeks later when she turned aggressive and tried to attack me. My friend never spoke to me again. That's not my confession.

My confession is this. I enjoyed it and I have absolutely no regrets.

 
At 3/06/2006 10:53:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I fell in love with a person who pretended to love me (very good at pretending) before ending our relationship in the most horrible and painful way.

My confession is that I still love this person, though I know that I shouldnt and I would never let anything happen with her again. But I still love her and i dont want too.

 
At 3/06/2006 10:58:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have done insider stuff on the stock market. Small ones though, and being an atheist i don´t think i´m going to be judged because of it...

Also i slept with two ex-girlfriends on the same day

 
At 3/06/2006 11:36:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i try to listen through my apartment wall so hard to the girl next door having sex that I am afraid I am going to get cauliflower ears like an olympic wrestler or old time boxer. And people will ask me hey man did you wrestle in college or something, and I have to say no I am just a perv that spent hours on end with my ear basically glued to my bedroom wall trying to hear the slightest sexual noise to get off to.

 
At 3/06/2006 11:46:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Istafa Naqvi of Dix Hills was stunned to see the small knot of angry young men waving placards as he and several thousand fellow Shia Muslims walked along Park Avenue in midtown last month in their annual religious procession.
"Enemies of Islam!" one man shouted at the group. "Kaffir," yelled another, using the Arabic word for infidel.

Many of the Shia flinched as they got close enough to read the signs carried by members of a fringe Sunni group called The Islamic Thinkers Society. "Shia are NOT Muslims!" said one. "Shia is made of superstitious elements of Judaism," declared another. Police moved in to break up a shoving match.

"We never thought it could happen in New York," said Naqvi, president of a Shah E Najaf Islamic Center in Brentwood. "In other countries, yes. But not here. We've had this procession for 20 years without any problems. It is very worrying."

 
At 3/06/2006 12:08:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I laughed at a homeless man who was being beaten, severly, by a group of guys. Four years later I saw a drunk hobo stumbling down the street and drove around the block to see him again. I was looking over my shoulder when he fell flat on his face. I smiled and looked up to see that I was running a red light. I was laughing at a drunk's misfortune and ended up t-boning a pickup.

 
At 3/06/2006 01:17:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I met this cocky Muslim who pretended to like me even though I'm Christian. I was good enough to have sex with, but not good enough to be serious about. I had sex with him just to give him a permanant STD. He would never guess who since he is such a slut. At first I felt vindicted, but now I just feel bad for all the girls he screws around with.

 
At 3/06/2006 02:38:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't help it. I am addicted to the mohammad crisis. Every demonstration, where our flag is burned thrills me. Every time our ambassador have to leave a country under protection has me plastered to the screen.

Please, dear muslims. Don't stop! You have created the best entertainment this year so far - and you tell us so much about your thinking and way of life at the same time! You people educate me so good...

I'm a bad, bad person. Spank me. Thrill me. Spank me. Thrill me.

Shit. Just can't get it right!

 
At 3/06/2006 03:20:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous @ 2:38 PM...I'm another addicted Dane. I just can't stop thinking about it. All that hate is just unbelievable. All the time I am tempted to hate, judge, defend, criticize, dig myself into fixed beliefs. And every time I overcome the urge to hate, I'm very pleased with myself.
That is _my_ Jihad and it's making me a more loving person.

(I need to take my medication :-)

 
At 3/06/2006 03:43:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My confession is that I have access to all the input data at blogspot and I know who you are. I just love matching up the confessions to the names of sandmonkey's usual contributors. Oh yeah, I love devious humour.

 
At 3/06/2006 05:03:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I see Islam as religion, a social sytem, a legal system and political whereas in the west they are basically seperate and for that reason they are mutually incompatible. I confess that one day I believe that the ME will be nuked and as saddened as I will be for the loss of innocent lives I see it as inevitable if the west is to survive and so I really won't give a toss as long as 'we' are OK. run Sandmonkey, run.

 
At 3/06/2006 06:39:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My confession is that I totally don't give a shit.

From the day I was born, I was sexy, funny, smart, disrespectful, irreverant with a weird, oblique, philosophical view of life that made me feel like an alien. Now over time, even after the price many people have tried to exact from me because I haven't had my ticket punched...I'm not in the right seat... I'm on the wrong train line (and don't care)... I don't have the right hair style... I wouldn't waste my time talking to people with "influence" who bore me, (but they still seek my advice because I'm smart and will tell them the truth)... they still feel I should be "put in my place".

And my guilty secret is...that I used my powers of not caring and the fact that my intelligence and looks made it possible for me to ignore them when I chose to and to rewrite the rules of the game because, because though I was caring and compassionate and never wanted to hurt anyone...I never really gave a damn what anyone else ever thought of me.

 
At 3/06/2006 07:13:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have lived a decent life, I am tolerent, kind, appreciative and humble. I have been fortunate in life, have loved and am loved. I am thankful, and I am blessed. I have wanted for nothing, and I have given all. I have never been hungry, cold or felt loneliness. I forgive, and I try to leave only soft footprints in my wake. I am neither a fornucator, adulterer, or raised my hand in anger. I am not a drunk and have never touched illegal drugs. I am not cruel to animals.

It is important for me to remind myself of these things. Thanks for opportunity for me to do so.....

 
At 3/06/2006 09:24:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

piss-off Saint Sandy, you were going to be serious..LOL. The only thing forgotten by 7.13pm is "I am in no way serious", if are then "I am in no way human" perhaps both. I haven't laughed this much for a long time.BW48

 
At 3/06/2006 09:30:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

After that, I ended up sleeping really well without worrying about him "busting a verse" to "Dre Day"at 4 am,

LOL

What is it with asian kids and them trying to be black? It reminds me of that fella from American Idol. What's his name? Will Hung, William Hung, ?


jonas

 
At 3/06/2006 09:31:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am going to add to my hobo hating,

I used to rent a house ten feet away from my neighbors chain-link fence. My schedule required me to wake up at 9:00 but his dog would start barking at 8:00. The dog woke me up every morning the entire time I rented the house. I didn't even have to set an alarm because the dog would wake me up between 8:00 and 8:15.

My confession (I don't know if I am a horrible person or if other people are coming up with huge lists, but) is that I used to smoke a cigarette every morning and throw rocks at the dog. Not big rocks, but enough for the dog to hate 5 minutes of everyday.

If you are reading this 13th and Hazel, I lied when I told you I didn't know why all those rocks were in your yard. I was actually nailing your stupid barking dog with heaters everytime it woke me up.

 
At 3/06/2006 10:26:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let's see, I slept with an 18 year old Egyptian ballet dancer when I was a 32 year old waitress in NY, I slept with one of the Greatful Dead with his wife watching in CA. I had two abortions. I drank myself silly too many times to count. I dealt cocaine and sold pot. But I'm a Christian now. Hope God forgives me!

 
At 3/06/2006 11:18:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"classic hiphop music"

I don't think that the words classic and hiphop should ever mate.

My confession: I wish Muslim youths would torch boomcars, ideally with the owners tied inside. Their screams would be music to my ears. I also confess that I'm not ashamed of my thoughts. Therefore, I sign this confession:

Eva

 
At 3/06/2006 11:24:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love the idea, Sandmonkey.
I've had a secret that's been pestering me for years, I can't be alone. I cheated on my ex, who was/is a wonderful loving man, for a whole year with a piece of scum before I dumped them both, but by that time, there was a third person in my life. Now that I seek to dump this person, I'm looking for a replacement, anyone interested?

 
At 3/06/2006 11:57:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

my confession is this... everyday i wake up wanting to hurt people and i never have the courage to act out on it because of the repercussions. but i found a loop hole, i found an organization that is perfectly legitimate and wants me to kill. so look out world i'm coming and you are my game animal.

 
At 3/07/2006 12:05:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I should never get married or have kids, because I'll turn out to be as crazy as my mom and make my husband and children's life hell..
I'm so scared it's in my genes, I'm so scared and uncertain about the future.

 
At 3/07/2006 01:24:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Last anon...Here's some advice...If your mom was bipolar etc. then your kids have a 24% chance of inheriting it perhaps? Get genetic counseling...and if that is not enough...adopt.

Just my 2cents

 
At 3/07/2006 04:18:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I once kissed Gammal Mubarak!

 
At 3/07/2006 04:26:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I come from outer space. I hope that my family comes along to pick me up soon, cause, you know, this planet SUCKS BIG TIME.

 
At 3/07/2006 05:11:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I confess, i read everyone of these posts. There are a lot of people, Muslim, Christian, Atheist with way too much time on their hands and dammit, I'm one of them.

 
At 3/07/2006 06:26:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually my real confession is that my previous confession was total bullshit...I just wanted to see if I could tick anybody off.

Okay, I'll stop fooling around...

 
At 3/07/2006 08:49:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am and have always been leftwing. My entire life has evolved around a modern sense of noblesse oblige.

This cartoon mess has changed me. Secretly, I wonder if it isnt best to withdraw all aid from countries that have participated in this, and kick anybody out not a Danish citizen, that has made threatening remarks or commited a crime.

I have half a mind to vote for the far right party in Denmark, Dansk Folkeparti, and I feel dirty because of it. I'm ashamed that my faith in humanity has been so easily destroyed.

 
At 3/07/2006 09:39:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

@12:08 -- Man, that's horrible! I often wonder what goes through people's heads when they just stand and look at someone being assaulted while doing nothing. What went through yours?

My confession is that I feel like beating you severely into a mess of blood and tears. :-)

 
At 3/07/2006 10:01:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anon at 9:39, I thought something along the lines of "I can't believe they are stomping on that guys head." I don't see what I could have done since it was four drunk 25-30 year old guys and I was 16.

My next confession, after you mentioned that you would like to beat me is that I hoped someone would drag you to death behind their car. A modern day hector;)

 
At 3/07/2006 12:44:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I met a girl I thought would sleep with me. I took her home and did so. This carried on for 6 weeks about every day and then she got pregnant.
I tried to convince her to get an abortion for several days and she finally agreed. That night I tried to have sex with her friend but she walked in on us.

She decided then to keep the baby.

I stayed with her faithfully for the next 14 years and now have an amazing 13 year old daughter and an 8 year old daughter.

Now I am a worried father thinking about the boys who will take my daughters' virginity. I hope that it happens on their wedding night.

 
At 3/07/2006 01:56:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

About 26 years ago I slept with my fiancee's best friend. It was just a one
time thing and I have been completely faithful to my wife ever since. Her best
friend is married to someone else as well, and they seem to be happy. Still, I
worry that it'll come out someday....

 
At 3/07/2006 07:46:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've had a crush for years on a friend I knew through the internet...
I still like him...

 
At 3/08/2006 03:33:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I couldn't think of what secret to share until I read two of the ones above. To Anon at 7:10, I don't think you ought to feel guilty about the g/f that maybe got an abortion. I *helped* a friend get an abortion when we were in college. Talk about feeling guilty, and I have real reason to. But praise God for Jesus' cleansing blood, because I don't feel guilty about it anymore thanks to him, I'm free of it now.

Also, Anon at 8:08, I am miserable in my marriage and want a divorce. It's not hurting my husband that's keeping me here... it's that I don't want to go through the trouble & expense of it all, and I don't want to hurt my kids.

 
At 3/08/2006 01:10:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My entire life is a big game or role playing. I act all the time. My true fear is that someday I won't know my real emotions & reactions from the fake ones.

 
At 3/09/2006 07:00:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My best friends in the world are all Arab guys in their 20's and 30's that live on the other side of the world from me. One is extra special to me...if we could have met in another time and place, I'm sure we would be married by now...

 
At 3/11/2006 06:13:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Father Sandmonkey,

I truly need confession. I love good a life. I love to sin, no problem, especially knowing the abuses committed by religious organizations. I could not give a damm about these imaginary Gods, because human kind is such chicken shit. I find Americans so full of themselves but I support them 100%. I am scared shit of Islam, and think Muslims are no more special than others. I despise hatred, revenge and irresponsibility towards oneself and others. I find the egocentrism of republican and liberal Americans and Muslims UNBEARABLE. This God business is going on my nerves!!! But here is the truth, I am fucking saint. If you knew what I have done in the past 20 years, helping others patiently and compassionately, putting up with people's BS because people are like that, you would laugh. Right now, I would love a good joint, to take a long walk in no man's land with my music blasting in my ears and forget the wild sick humanity for as long as I can. If I hear one more American or one more Muslim telling us that they are better than all of us, I will burst! Be prepared! ;-)
Thank you Father.
Your faithful infidel, Saint anonymous

 

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