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Rantings of a Sandmonkey

Be forewarned: The writer of this blog is an extremely cynical, snarky, pro-US, secular, libertarian, disgruntled sandmonkey. If this is your cup of tea, please enjoy your stay here. If not, please sod off

Friday, January 28, 2005

For the love of God—that breast was almost nude!

The Onion, America's finest Newst Source, has just written an article detailing the psycholigical effect the Super Bowl XXXVIII tragedy had on children, since its one-year anniversary is coming right up. The article's finidng, to put it mildly, showed that american children are irrevocably "fucked in the Head" from seeing Janet Jackson's nipple, and i can't say i blame them: WASHINGTON, DC—As the nation approaches the one-year anniversary of the Super Bowl XXXVIII tragedy, an FCC study shows that millions of U.S. children were severely traumatized by the exposure to a partially nude female breast during the Feb. 1, 2004 halftime show. "No one who lived through that day is likely to forget the horror," said noted child therapist Dr. Eli Wasserbaum. "But it was especially hard on the children." The tragic wardrobe malfunction occurred approximately 360 days ago, during Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake's performance of "Rock Your Body," when Timberlake tore Jackson's costume, accidentally revealing her right breast. "By the time CBS cut to an aerial view of the stadium, the damage was done," said Wasserbaum, who has also worked extensively with orphaned and amputee children in Third World war zones. "I've found that children can be amazingly resilient, but this event was too much for many of them to take. The horrible image of that breast is likely to haunt them for the rest of their lives." ******************* "Mommy has dirty chest bumps," said a 5-year-old boy quoted in one of the thousands of case studies compiled by the FCC. "She's like the bad lady on TV. I'm afraid Mommy will take off her shirt and scare everyone. I hate Mommy." ******************* "How can my son Brandon be expected to make it through something like that unscathed?" asked mother of four Shonali Bhomik of the San Francisco-based What About the Children? Foundation, one of many social-awareness groups spearheading the fight for increased NNBD funding in Congress. "For approximately 1.5 seconds, he saw a breast. The image was seared into his innocent, tiny retinas. He can't close his eyes without replaying the whole ugly scene over and over in his little head." "For the love of God—that breast was almost nude," Bhomik added. ****************************** "One thing is certain," Wasserbaum said. "For us as a nation, the horrific consequences of almost-nakedness have only just begun to make themselves apparent." Wasserbaum added that children who saw the televised breast in Europe, Australia, and various other nations throughout the world were somehow unaffected by the sight. I love the Onion!


At 1/28/2005 01:30:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is very sick and the American children must be Fucked in the head for sure to find this a tragedy and go to therapy for it!

At 1/28/2005 01:36:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When Palestinian children go through the horror of Israeli soldiers slaughtering their family members infront of their eyes and they become hateful and bomb themselves they are called Terrorists!

Fuck this mentality. Mother fuckers the nipple damaged their development.

At 1/28/2005 04:10:00 PM, Blogger AlanK said...

come on

well you cant blame them, now if it had been say jennifer aniston or sarah michelle geller that might not have been so tragic

perhaps a test is in order, poss full nudity just to compare


At 1/28/2005 06:37:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is not just children that were traumatized by this. I was not able to watch pornography for almost an hour after I was subjected to the abomination. I still shake when I see star-like tassels or even look up at the night sky. I am currently seeing a therapist twice a week and I have gotten to the point where I can once again stick dollar bills in her G-string. Let the healing begin and let Janet Jackson be forced to wear a burka until the end of time.

At 1/28/2005 06:57:00 PM, Blogger Tina said...

There is nothing more pathetic than an aging woman parading her wares, totally unaware of the fact that she is LONG past her prime.

At 1/28/2005 08:25:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh it is ok for mama Barbra streisand to do a scene of doggy style on her Meet the fockers low life movie.... the movie that made it big in the theater to show the taste of the horny American public for old farts like her. Also the baby on the movie to repeat ASSHOLE that doesn't damage the society and the people watching.

Only Jackson who is much younger than Streisand is old now ha!


At 1/28/2005 10:17:00 PM, Blogger Kender said...

A synopsis of an old rant of mine.

I grew up in America watching violence on TV and grew up in a violent little city. I never saw anyone get shot but was close enough to hear the gun loudly several times and always thought that if I had seen someone get shot I could have easily compared it to TV and considered the realism of TV vs. life.

I never saw a nude breast on TV growing up. It is many years later. I still have not seen anybody get shot but I have seen ALOT of breasts.

The first time I saw one in real life though my jaw dropped and I stuttered like an ass. See? I wasn't prepared by my faithful caretaker of my youth, TV.

So maybe the janet jackson thing wasn't so bad after all.

At 1/28/2005 11:36:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do Egyptian women have breasts? I heard that they lay eggs and abandon their young, leaving them to incubate in piles of rotting vegetation along the Nile.

At 1/29/2005 02:52:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

At some point in my life...I don't exactly remember the day, but it was eons before Janet Jackson..I became fixated on breasts...so to hell with the rug rats what about me??


At 1/29/2005 03:37:00 AM, Blogger Louise said...

Hmmmm. I prefer stiffies.

At 1/29/2005 10:23:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous fucker go and check rates of violence in America vs. Egypt. Egyptian mothers are not molested by their fathers and brothers.

They might be poor you mother fucker but they don't open their legs wide at the age of 12 to pay their bills.

At 1/29/2005 12:01:00 PM, Blogger Louise said...

So which fucking anonymous are you talking to, anonymous?

At 1/29/2005 04:06:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Do Egyptian women have breasts? I heard that they lay eggs and abandon their young, leaving them to incubate in piles of rotting vegetation along the Nile."

To this fucker louise the famous whore

At 1/29/2005 04:07:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Louise loves the stiffers because her husband doesn't have one she looks for it online.

Shut your fucking mouth up Louise

At 1/29/2005 04:28:00 PM, Blogger Louise said...

Aren't they nice boys.

At 1/30/2005 01:33:00 AM, Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

Ok, here is a piece of advice to the asshole who made the comment regarding egyptian women : Better stay Anonymous buddy. You are talking about my mother, sister and grandmother here, and i am from the middle-east boy, we do not men who insult our women continue to breathe. We are misognstic(spell?)like that and that probably won't change anytime soon. So, for your own safety, fuck off!

As for Louise, i apologize for the dude that caled you a "whore". He doesn't know any better. If anything he is the egyptian version of that other anonymous poster and that makes puts him on my shit list as well.

At 1/30/2005 07:05:00 AM, Blogger Louise said...

No need to apologize, Sandmonkey. You are my idol. Did I ever tell you I once rode on the back of a camel by the pyramids? Yes. I did the tourist thing, way back in 1973. Egypt was fascinating. The post about Egyptian women was well worth ignoring. I wasn't even sure if the anonymous who posted it was serious or tongue in cheek. IMHO, the whole thing got blown out of proportion. But, to each his own.

Anyway, now I gotta go read all your new posts. How 'bout those Iraqi voters, eh?

At 1/31/2005 11:22:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Do Egyptian women have breasts? I heard that they lay eggs and abandon their young, leaving them to incubate in piles of rotting vegetation along the Nile."

I don't know if this guy was trying to be funny and missed (Among some of our less mannered citizens in North America, mother jokes are thrown around casually as are derogatory references to peoples' parents' marital status.) or if he really wished to insult Egyptian mothers. Truth is I don't really care since he should have known better either way.

I would like to clear up one thing about his ignorant statement. Crocodiles don't abandon their young. They incubate them in rotting vegetation but they stay nearby to protect them and have been known to carry the young in their mouth to the river after they hatch. While they don't teach their offspring manners, neither did the mother of the child who posted the original message. My esteem for crocodiles is far higher than my esteem for humans and the other anonymous poster demonstrates why.

Children, if you are going to post comments and replys on sites that are clearly meant for mature minded people, could you you at least follow some common sense rules like:

1) Don't flame a third party like Louise when you are angry at someone else. Displaced anger is really pathetic.

2) Don't insult someone's society, mother, or crocodiles just because they insulted yours. It alienates people that would have been on your side up until then. Try insulting their intelligence or make reference to them being too young to use the Internet.

3) Before you make references to a 12 year old prostituting herself to pay the bills, think about how a 12 year old that has been in that position would feel after reading your post. Always read before you post.

4) Leave the crocodiles out of your petty arguments damn it!! They never did nothing to you and any more slander of their species on the part of humanity will not be tolerated! You humans are on thin ice with me!

5) Never post about Janet Jackson's breast. Look what her boob has reduced us all to. Is there not enough hatred in the world without this woman's bazoomba bringing down civilization?

Louise: If you like stiffies, I support that. I don't understand it (frankly I think the lesbians have the right idea, laddies to the max!) but I support it. Just don't expect to see stiffies on the Super bowl half time show. Not for another 5 years at least.

Anono Mus

At 2/01/2005 06:43:00 AM, Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

Thanks Anono Mus,

very well said!

will cease bringing up janet's boobies as a topic of discussion on this blog immidietly.

At 2/01/2005 03:56:00 PM, Blogger Louise said...

You know, I've often wondered why female body parts are favoured in the media and advertising industries? Don't they know that women do most of the shopping?

At 2/02/2005 04:29:00 AM, Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

Louise, that's precisely why they use them. First of all, a women's body is far more erotic then a man's body. second of all women check out women for compariosn purposes. If a woman looks good in a dress, other women want to have that dress, while men will think "i want my woman in that dress". If you aim to attract both sexes, u use women.

At 2/03/2005 09:15:00 PM, Blogger Louise said...

Sandmonkey, give me a good looking middle-aged man any day. Mind you, I'm pretty sure it still wouldn't work. I've been appropriately cynical and cool to any advertising trick that uses sex to sell, whether it a man with good bod or a woman.

At 1/17/2006 11:17:00 AM, Blogger brod48 said...

Cant see a middleaged man in a dress selling much. But you never know


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