Taliban at Yale

So, wait, John Walker Lindh gets the pokie for 20 years, and this guy gets to stay at Yale (Thanks Candace)? How does this work again?

Hannidate?

Ok, America, you know something is wrong when they create a dating website for "Sean Hannity fans". Whatever happend to dating someone who, like, thought differently than you about things? What are you going to talk about now? How great Sean Hannity is? "I love How Sean Hannity slams those liberals!" "Yeah, haha. Me too. He is awesome!" "Yes. Yes he is!" (Awkward silence) "Ehh, but, like, I don't like Colmes that much!" "Yeah, Colmes sucks. He isn't as bad as some democrats, but he still sucks!" "Yeah, in agreement there!" (Another awkward silence) Yeah, that's the stuff to build lasting relationships on. On the other hand, if they do create a dating website for Joss Whedon fans, I am all for it. I haven't met a single Whedonhead that wasn't both smart and funny. I would be all for it. So how would that be different than this website? Well, first of all, Sean Hannity has 2 shows: the TV show and the radio show, while Joss whedon had 3 TV shows, won an Oscar for Toy Story's script, wrote the original X-men script, wrote and directed Serenity, which is one of the best Sci-Fi movies that came out this new millenium and is working on creating Movie version of Wonder Woman, with the cleavage -heavy costume and everything. As you can see, us whedonheads would have a lot to talk about! Ok, so we are dorks. Sue us!

Get your hate on!

Hey girl. Got dumped? Get some revenge and post about your "dog" on this website. I wonder if one day men will start their own database, titled "Date that girl!", for easy women they encounterd. If they include a phone number and an STD profile, it could be very very...ehhh....informational. Yeah, informational is a good word to use here! And helpful. Yeah, informational and helpful! Hey, if Tyra Banks stripping for rating can be called educational and entertaining, then a directory of easy women could be called informational and helpful. Right? Riiight!

Bush on ports

Why isn't this on Al Jazeerah? BUSH: Well, there's a difference — well, there's a difference between somebody who has made up their mind regardless of the facts, and the facts, and so I want to hear what — again, I want to see the same facts presented to the Congress, and — but the 45-day period is a, is a good opportunity for people to find out the facts.

I do want, when people start paying attention to this, the facts, one is ask the question whether or not, you know, doing business with this company is going to jeopardize the security of the United States, first. And secondly, if not, what kind of signal does it send to say it's OK for a British company but not OK for an Arab company to manage this port, when in fact, this same company manages ports all around the world?

Here we are trying to put a coalition of the willing together to protect America, to win the war on terror, and I would ask the critics and the people who are skeptical, "What kind of signal does it send to our friends in the Arab world, people who are joining us in the war on terror, people who want to fight off the terrorists, to say it's OK for one company from one country to be able to have this management contract but not you?"

And I also want to remind people that in the year 2000, prior to my arrival in Washington, D.C., our country sold F-16s to the very country from which this company comes from. In other words, there had been a security analysis done on whether or not the UAE, for example, is a valid ally and our valued ally and — but, anyway, look, I can understand people's concerns, and our job is to address them.

Read the whole thing. It's very interesting!

GMAIL SUCKS!

I haven't been able to access my Inbox since Yesterday. I can't reply to people or anything. It will sign me in and then do nothing. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I am gonna try to access my mail through a pop3 server thingie, so I can make some necessary replies to people. All apologies for the delays!

Here is another reason why Leilouta rocks

Before and after II: The middle-east leaders' edition. Just too damn funny!

Islamenim!

Remember Abu Hamza "Captain Hook" el Masry, the radical cleric who was jailed in the UK for supporting terrorism? Well, he has a son, and his son intends to start a rap group, where they will rap about..ehh...you guessed it....Jihad! The son of jailed radical Islamist imam Abu Hamza al-Masri is embracing rap music to sing the praises of Hezbollah and Hamas, the Sun newspaper reported on Tuesday.

The best-selling daily said it sent reporters under cover to meet Mohammed Kamel Mostafa - who goes by stage name Al-Ansary in the rap duo Lionz of Da Dezert - in a recording studio in north London.

Lionz of Da Dezert. Now that's gangsta, especially since he lived in Britian all of his life and, well, doesn't even know what a desert looks like in real life. But don't call them posers or nothing; they might go Jihad on your ass.

Lionz of Da Dezert groupies

"I want to put out an album for the mainstream market, then make a CD featuring hardcore lyrics," the British-born 24-year-old was quoted as saying, adding that he can "easily make more than a million" pounds.

A fan grooving to Lionz of Da Dezert on her Ipod, which you can't see because..oh..well.. you get the idea!

In one of his songs, The Sun said, Mostafa raps: "I was born to be a soldier/Kalashnikov in my shoulder/peace to Hamasa and Hezbollah/that's the way of the lord Allah ... we're jihad through/defend my religion with the holy sword". I smell a grammy!

Such a dumb question

This Yahoo news piece asks the question:

Are Egypt's Democratic Reforms Done?

And in turn I ask them: Done? When did they even begin?

Fighting back?

After 2 years of having Iran smuggle weapons to terrorists in Iraq so that they can kill Iraqis, british and americans soldiers to destabalize the region and make the Iraq democracy experiment a failure, it seems that the british and americans maybe repaying the favor to Iran. This is probably not true (considering the source), but I really wish it would be. About damn time they started fighting dirty!

A sign of things to come?

This is exactly why strapping Hamas for cash will work!

Tyra Banks...stripping for ratings?

How low can you go?

On Wednesday's show, for instance, Banks will be shown going "undercover" as a stripper at a topless club, although the former Victoria's Secret model stops short of complete disclosure. In the past, she's posed as a Las Vegas showgirl and used her face as canvas for makeup lessons. The stripper segment, she said, was the result of hearing friends and viewers express frustration about the men in their lives spending time and money in strip clubs. "When I found out the majority of business is from males from married homes, I wanted to go inside the minds of the men who frequent these clubs. I wanted to see and hear why they went. And the only way to do that was to go undercover and see for myself," Banks said. "And strip, and show them my boobies. Cause men like to talk when women are topless. Did I mention how smart i am? I mean, look at my face. Half of it is forehead! That's..like..my frontal lobe and stuff. Told you I is smart!" Having Banks strut her stuff incognito as a dancer (named "Chanel") can only be a ratings plus for the syndicated "The Tyra Banks Show," exactly the point in a sweeps month used to set local TV ad rates (check local listings for time). But Banks, 32, said she considers her program, which typically draws a heavily young and female audience, a vehicle to educate as well as entertain. "So remember boys and girls, especially girls: Stripping is wrong, unless you are doing it to raise ratings for the show you got only because you are a genetic freak and make millions of dollars in return. Then it's ok! Hell, you can even call it educational and get away with it! Who needs a college degree anyway, you know, except losers who work for a living?"

Sounding like republicans...

Oh boy! You know it's getting pretty bad when the europeans start sounding like republicans. Muslims who wish to live under a system of sharia law should leave Britain, the chairman of the Commission for Racial Equality suggested yesterday. The chairman of the Commission for Racial Equality said that. Please note that. LOL

Speaking in the wake of demonstrations against Danish cartoons depicting the prophet Muhammad, Sir Trevor Phillips said those living in the UK had to accept that British values include a commitment to freedom of speech, even if that means offending people.

"What some minorities have to accept is that there are certain central things we all agree about, which are about the way we treat each other - that we have an attachment to democracy, that we sort things out by voting not by violence and intimidation, that we tolerate things that we don't like," he told ITV1's Jonathan Dimbleby programme. "Short of people menacing and threatening each other, we have freedom of expression. We allow people to offend each other."

[...] He rejected the idea that British Muslims should be allowed to live under sharia law in their communities. "I don't think that's conceivable," he said. "We have one set of laws ... and that's the end of the story. If you want to have laws decided in another way, you have to live somewhere else." Nice! See where saying shit like that gets you? Britain, love it or leave it!

We jail everyone

Did anybody know that we had british islamists jailed in Egypt? No? Me neither! Well, we are deporting them back now apparantly. Three Britons left an Egyptian jail on Tuesday after serving almost four years of their five-year sentences for spreading propaganda for an Islamist group, the mother of one of Britons said.

Officials said they would be deported to Britain within 24 hours.

The Britons -- Reza Pankhurst, Maajid Nawaz and Ian Nisbett -- were among a group of 26 men jailed for between one and five years for spreading the propaganda of the Hizb ut-Tahrir al-Islami (Islamic Liberation Party).

[...]

At the time of the trial, Hizb ut-Tahrir complained the authorities had tortured the defendants to extract confessions.

The Egyptian authorities say they investigate all complaints of torture in detention.

I am sure. LOL.

The human rights group Amnesty International said the trial, held in a state security court, was unfair and the men were convicted merely for expressing their views peacefully.

I love amnesty international. They must be some of the nicest people ever. What were their views again? Kill the infidels? Overthrow the government? Declare Jihad on the egyptian infidels? Did I call Amnesty International nice? I mean dumb. Dumbest people ever.

I love the way their mind works

I blame the infidels...the zionists..ehhhh.... More than 7,000 Afghans protested on Tuesday against cartoons of the Prophet Mohammad in European newspapers and condemned an attack on a Shi'ite Muslim shrine in Iraq as a "plot by infidels." Sayed Ghulam Sakhi, head of the government-appointed Islamic Council in Ghazni, called the printing of the cartoons, the attack in Iraq and desecration of the Islamic holy book, the Koran, by U.S. forces the work of "Zionists."

"(They) are linked together and the work of the infidels," he said.

Another senior cleric in Ghazni, Mawlavi Jailani, charged that the attack on a Shi'ite shrine in Iraq last week, which has sparked bloody sectarian violence, was part of a "plot by the infidels to create hostility" between the two Muslim sects.

Damn zionists...ehh..Infidels...ehh...no, zionists..ehh...my brain hurts from thinking.

Old away message for the day

The average Male sperm whale releases 320 gallons of Semen everytime it unloads, but only 20 gallons actually makes it into its mate, leaving 300 gallons to spill into the ocean...... And you wonder why the water is so salty !!!

A temple discoverd in cairo

And discoverd under Souq El Khamees- an open-air "marketplace" for middle and lower class egyptians. Imagine that! Archaeologists discovered a pharaonic sun temple with large statues believed to be of King Ramses II under an outdoor marketplace in Cairo, Egypt's antiquities chief said Sunday.

The partially uncovered site is the largest sun temple ever found in the capital's Aim Shams and Matariya districts, where the ancient city of Heliopolis — the center of pharaonic sun worship — was located, Zahi Hawass told The Associated Press.

Among the artifacts was a pink granite statue weighing 4 to 5 tons whose features "resemble those of Ramses II," said Hawass, head of the Supreme Council of Antiquities.

[...]

An Egyptian team working in cooperation with the German Archaeological Mission in Egypt discovered the site under the Souq al-Khamis, a popular market in eastern Cairo, Hawass said.

"The market has to be removed" as archaeologists excavate the entire site, Hawass said.

The poor merchants, first the bird flu hysteria and now this. Hmmm...

But how weird will that be for the people living around it? I mean, one day you are living infront of souq al Khamis, the other you are living in front of a pharaonic temple. Heh..

Light blogging!

It's true. I am semi-blogging. I am quasi-blogging. I am the margarine of blogging. The Diet Coke of blogging. Just one calorie, not blogging enough.

Break

Today there was suppsoed to be a rant here, one that I started writing, but stopped, because, well, it sucked. And I may not be much of a writer, but I hate it when I write something that sucks, so I am not posting it. If anything, I have been having a serious case of apathy/writer's block/ depression/ annoyance/boredom/ Life just sucks syndrome lately. I find myself sharing Sally's sentiments that, as much as I try to joke about all the shit that is happening around the world, I am pretty much fed up for the moment about how incredibly stupid everything is. And while you all may be getting the same sentiment, it's even worse when you live it. It's worse when you actually have to explain to people that "No, you can't get birdflu from running water" or that the danish cartoons are not part of "the zionist conspiracy to defame and attack islam and muslims", or even having to explain to your friends that people like Irshad Manji or Iyaan Hirsi Ali-or shit, even Deeyah- are not posers who profit from "dragging Islam's name in the mud" or using it as a publicity stunt because there is no profiting in death threats nor is any publicity worth having your life threatend till the day you die by the Jihadis (Ask Sayed Al Qimni or Farag Foodah about that, will ya?). You would think it's obvious, but for some reason it is not, and I just don't have the energy anymore. This sandmonkey is tired. He is tired of ranting, tired of explaining, tired of fighting a lost battle. My energy is depleted, and I have been running on empty for a while now, and i am this close to giving up. I need some rest. This won't be a long rest though, because, let's face it, I am a blogaholic. But the truth is, I need to relax. I have been doing this without a break for 14 months straight and I am winded. It could be a day or a week, but chances are it won't be longer than that. I have other things that need to get done (I know Jesse, I know, I am an asshole!) and I have to get on it. I have to set my priorities straight for a minute, and get my life in order, something that I have been trying to do for the past month and failing miserably at it. So, as you can see, I need this break for other reasons as well. So it won't be all relaxation over here, but let's hope that doesn't extend the break any longer than it has to be. It won't be permenant either, so don't open any bottles of champaigne or anything ya Mo, will ya? In the immortal words of Piglet: Ta Ta For Now! The Sandmonkey

The Tom and Jerry conspiracy

You like the Tom and Jerry Cartoon? Well, wtach out, because it's an attempt by the evil JOOOOZZ to brainwash you into liking them. Imagine that! I don't know what they are smoking in Iran, but damn it must be some good shit!

Ingenius

Q: How do you margenalize the message that someone like Deeyah has? A: Claim that she is a Hindu Kafir, even if she says she is muslim. This of course moves her from the uncomfortable muslim critic category to the Islamophobic category and thus easier to disregard and attack, because,you know, only muslims are allowed to criticize muslims, and if they do, we accuse them of being of any other religion or islamophobic. Perfect little system we have there, ain't it?

I smell a Tony!

Point Break, the 1992 so-bad-it's-good Keanu Reeves movie about surfers who moonlight as bankrobbers, is becoming a play called Point Break live. Yes, a play. And that's not the best part. The best part is that everynight they will choose someone from the audience to play the Keanu Reeves part. (h/t Jeff) The show, which garnered a “Seattle P-I Best of Seattle 2004” award, as well as rave reviews across the nation, tells the story of former College football star Johnny Utah—Keanu Reeves in the film—in pursuit of the bankrobbing, skydiving, bare-hand-fighting adrenaline-junkie-cum-Zenmaster Bodhi Sattva (Patrick Swayze—here played by Gearick Matthies), and features armed robbery, big-wave surfing, car chases, explosions, and no less than two extended skydiving sequences. Best of all, the starring role of Keanu will be selected at random from the audience each night, and will read their entire script off of cue-cards! Cue in classic Keanu Reeves line: "Whoa"!

Fed up

Sally has had it! It's been a rough month around here and while I've been poking fun and making jokes about the whole lot of it, I'm actually quite fed up. I'm tired of hearing about the Denmark cartoons, from Nigerians setting each other on fire to not finding Lurpak butter on supermarket shelves. I'm tired of the bird flu and every single damn rumor associated with it. I'm tired of cab drivers trying to charge me way more than the regular fare. I'm tired of the unpredictable weather that one day looks like a sunny Florida day and the next day looks like the plague is upon us. I hear ya babe. I hear ya!

The lebanese to remake the friends sitcom?

It's all for the love of Ross and Rachel too. F.J. has the story.

Top 10 wackiest streetnames

Apparently there was a competition for the wackiest streetnames. Here are the winners, and please remember that those are actual streets: The complete top 10 list included:

10. Tater Peeler Road in Lebanon, Texas

9. The intersection of Count and Basie in Richmond, Va.

8. Shades of Death Road in Warren County, N.J.

7. Unexpected Road in Buena, N.J.

6. Bucket of Blood Street in Holbrook, Ariz.

5. The intersection of Clinton and Fidelity in Houston Hehehehe

4. The intersection of Lonesome and Hardup in Albany, Ga.

3. Farfrompoopen Road in Tennessee (the only road up to Constipation Ridge)

2. Divorce Court in Heather Highlands, Pa.

1. Psycho Path in Traverse City, Mich.

City Planners must be very bored at their jobs.

Can't touch this

Oh Boy. MC Hammer has a blog. Check it out and scream: HAMMERTIME! Dum dududum dudum dudum... ahhh.... Me loves Hammer!

you wanna do what?

Big Pharaoh done lost his damn mind!

No mystery

Some people sent me e-mails, after reading the Deeyah post, wondering howcome none of the femenist or women's rights groups in the west have been up in arms defending her or championing women's rights in the middle east/muslim world. In order to answer that question and make you understand the reason why that is, let me give you a trasncript of one of my favorite Boondocks cartoons ever. *Huey and Riley playing videogames* Huey: I don't get this whole thing with video games! Riley: What, you mean why you keep losing? Huey:No. Everyone is worried about kids and violence, right? And kids using guns...So why don't they go after the gun manufacturers and the gun dealers instead of people who make video games? It doesn't make sense. Riley: Sure it does. Pretend you're some stupid parent activist person: Who would you rather start beef with- Some nerd who makes video games or some dude with a warehouse full of AK-47s? Seriously.. Now, apply the same logic to this case: who would the women rights groups rather start beef with? A couple of white corporate dudes who will sue and maybe picket? Or a bunch of super angry muslims who will send them death trheats, bombs in the mail, and have no problem killing their own sisters and female family members in honor crimes? Now, if you can get the logic behind that, you will understand why there are never any moderate muslims counter-demonstrating the radical islamists assholes demonstrations. That shit just ain't safe!

Valley of the wolves

In case you didn't know, the #1 movie in turkey right now is the incredibly anti-american movie "Valley of the wolves Iraq", and it stars an international cast of actors, amongst which are american actors Billy Zane and Gary Busey, who of course portray the bad evil americans. At one of Istanbul's biggest multiplex cinemas the blockbuster is showing on five separate screens and nearly all the seats are sold out. It's the same story across the country. "I'm back to see it for the second time already," says one student, waiting impatiently outside Screen 10. "It is anti-American, but we already know what they've done in Iraq. That's the reality. Now we can see it on screen." The reality, ehh? In one scene, trigger-happy US troops massacre civilians at a wedding party. In another they firebomb a mosque during evening prayer. There are multiple summary executions. And for the first time, the real-life abuses by American soldiers at Abu Ghraib prison are played out on the big screen. Even the doctor - played by Gary Busey - is evil, removing human organs from Iraqi prisoners to send to patients in the US, Israel and Britain. He must've needed the work. "Our film's a sort of political action," explains script-writer Bahadir Ozdener at the production company's stylish office on the Asian side of Istanbul. "Maybe 60 or 70% of what happens on screen is factually true." Really? Factually true? Americans firebomb mosques, and their doctors steal tissues and organs from patients and send them to Isarel? Factually true my egyptian ass! "Turkey and America are allies, but Turkey wants to say something to its friend. We want to say the bitter truth. We want to say that this is wrong." And with friends like these, who needs enemies?

Deeyah

I don't know if any of you have heard about this, but check it out: Muslim pop star DEEYAH is facing death threats because her raunchy new music video sees her strip off a burka (burqa) to reveal her bikini-clad body. Deeyah claims the video for WHAT WILL IT BE? deals with Muslim women's rights and female empowerment as it also features Muslim women who have fought for freedom of expression. But the singer, who was born in Norway but moved to the UK after her act alienated her from the Muslim community, has been forced to cancel performances and hire a team of bodyguards after inciting anger from British Muslims as well. The 28-year-old, dubbed the 'Muslim Madonna' says, "I can't walk around without bodyguards. I would be lying if I said abuse from religious fanatics did not upset or scare me." Asian music TV network B4U TV dropped the video after receiving complaints. An employee reveals, "We played the video a couple of times and then did not play it again. We had threats which we were forced to take very seriously. These things are sensitive issues."

Well, here are some Deeyah pictures: Here is her controversial video "What will it be?", and please note the cameo by Irshad Manji. And as for my opinion on all this, let me steal the rap by young maylay from the song (which I don't think is that good, but me likes this verse anyway): "We dont take it lightly when you threatinin women. How you have so much hate and yet faith in religion? Fake in the system, need to take a break with the dissin, before you end up in the lake with the fishes. Hearin bout the Muslim Madonna, asian j-lo, lookin for drama (ok) if you say so. If you that religious and not with trendy clothes, then what you doin even watchin videos?" Seriously...

Better late than never!

The american cartoonists finally strike back. Took them long enough. My favorite is this one.

Getting there

More egyptians are getting it, and if that's not good news, I don't know what is!

Artsy Fartsy, yet important!

Go check Roba's latest post. Gooooooooo!

Will someone help him find it?

After hearing that the sunken Ferry's black box has been recoverd, Senefru is on a quest to find Egypt's black box. Give him a hand, will ya? I want to know why exactly we did crash!

This just feeds my ego

Yasmina and POBE keep pawning me off to eachother, and it's not like I even asked any of them to marry me. Hmm.. Ok, here is the plan guys: Me, and both of you will get married in Egypt, where it's ok for me to marry 4 girls at the same time (Sweet, ain't it? What's Sharia's take on threesomes? Anyone knows? I am fraid to ask my Imam!). Then, I will go to the US and marry Yasmina, who will then go to canada and marry POBE, because gay marriages there are allowed. POBE will then meet me in Australia, where I will immigrate to if the whole US job thing doesn't fall through (it ain't looking good) where we will get married there. This way we can all get the american, the canadian, the asutralian, the egyptian and the british passport (you know who you are) and then spend the rest of our lives in prison for polygamy in about all the english speaking countries. Sounds good to me girls, does it sound good to you? Let me know!

Another reason why IMAO rules

Check out their totally fake yet totally awesome editorial by Khalifa bin Zayid al-Nuhayyan of the United Arab Emirates, which I have stolen and posted below: I Want to Kill All Americans and Turn The Entire World into One Muslim State, But That Will Not Affect How We Run the Ports! An Editorial by President Khalifa bin Zayid al-Nuhayyan of the United Arab Emirates As many of you now know, a company owned by my country is about to buy a number of your ports. Any rational look at this deal will see that it benefits both our countries, but, of course, many of you stupid infidels are all opposing this even though you don't understand the slightest thing about it. This whole controversy just makes me want to wipe out all you moron crusaders all the more, but please understand that this port deal is much more important to us than the eventual victory of Islam over the entire world, Allah willing. Get one thing straight, this has nothing to do with port security. Your own Zionist-aligned government does all of that, you abominations to my sight. It's not like because we run a couple cranes in America that suddenly we can sneak in some nerve gas, you idiots. Even if we could, how suicidal do you think we are? If we let terrorists use the ports, it's not like it would take Sherlock Holmes to trace that back to us since we own them. Do you know how rich I am? Do you really think I want to be hiding in some spider hole like that ass Saddam? Of course, I'm using logic that would take a moment's reflection, something that's a little too advance for you mindless critics. This makes me so mad, I want to murder all you Americans in your sleep... until I remember the economic implications of that.

And stop bringing up how two of the 9/11 hijackers came from here; is America responsible for every one of its citizens? If you think the UAE was involved with in planning 9/11, then come out and say it so I can strangle you for your lies. Yes, I cheered for a moment at the deaths of so many infidels... until I remembered how much business we do in New York! My country has a huge per capita income, but it's honestly not the most solid in the world. Implications of us involved in terrorism could knock us over the edge, and, if you took a poll of our citizens, you'd see a near majority consider economic stability more important than mass murder. As much as I want you all to die, we have our own housing bubble to worry about over here. Do any of you understand that? Sometimes I think I'd have to use a pipe bomb to get through your thick skulls.

And honestly, how many of you knew your ports weren't owned by Americans before all this? I swear, if any of you raise your hands, I'll cut them off. None of you knew anything about the ports until the talking heads and harlots jumped on this issue, and suddenly all of you are like, "Oh no! The Arabs are going to run our ports and they want to kill us all!" Hell yes, we want to kill you all, but it's not like we could fit that in our business plan. Have any of you looked at our business plan? Of course not. Holy Allah, I so want to strangle you all!

All I want you stupid infidels to understand is that this deal is all business. All thing being equal, I would stab you all repeatedly and then behead you, but that is not a money making venture. So stop your stupid mouth flapping before you make us so mad that we seriously begin considering using your ports to kill you.

Khalifa bin Zayid al-Nuhayyan is the President of the United Arab Emirates and likes to watch horse and camel racing and plot the destruction of Israel between business ventures.

Hehehehee...

For your viewing pleasure

We at the Sandmonkey blog got you 3 links from 3 different egyptian blogs that should distract you from the idiocy of the world by making you laugh. First we have Sally and her account of a really typical cab conversation in cairo. Then we have Tomanbay, with the conspiracy theory to end all conspiracy theories. And Finally, Fictitious Journalist has the heartbreaking story-that I apparently inspired- of a 4th grade egyptian boy who couldn't hand in his homework on time, because the evil Jews took it from him. Enjoy!

Scene

*This happend today* I go to On the Run to get my usual Chicken Pesto Clubsandwich that I have for lunch, and the following conversation happend between me and the Deli Dude: Me: One Chicken Pesto sandwich please! DD: Club or Sub? Me: Club inshaallah. (The DD starts making the sandwich and I notice that he is spreading butter instead of mayonaise on the bread) Me: You gonna put mayo on that? DD: We don't have mayonaise, so we are using butter. Me: How could you be out of Mayonaise? DD: It's made of eggs, and you know, we stopped buying it because of the birdflu. It's for your own safety. Me: Ehh, this is a CHICKEN sandwhich, and you are worried about the mayo? DD:Hehehe.. I know, isn't it funny? Me: It kind of is. LOL. DD: Well, next time just come with your own mayonaise; this way we are not held accountable. Me: Thanks. lol. Oh Man, first the danish goods boycott and now this. DD: (looking upset) Don't remind me! (whispers) They use danish milk at the coffee stand. Me: Oh, really? Thanks for the heads up. I will make sure not to get coffee with milk then. DD: (smiling in self-satisfaction) No problem man. Just looking out for you! LOL

Just blame the Jews

This is just fantatsic. Today is a day for comedy: Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad blamed the United States and Israel on Thursday for the destruction of a Shiite shrine's golden dome in Iraq, saying it was the work of "defeated Zionists and occupiers." Speaking to a crowd of thousands on a tour of southwestern Iran, the president referred to the destruction of the Askariya mosque dome in Samarra on Wednesday, which the Iraqi government has blamed on insurgents. "They invade the shrine and bomb there because they oppose God and justice," Ahmadinejad said, alluding to the U.S.-led multinational forces in Iraq.

"These passive activities are the acts of a group of defeated Zionists and occupiers who intended to hit our emotions," he said in a speech that was broadcast on state television. Addressing the United States, he added: "You have to know that such an act will not save you from the anger of Muslim nations."

Allright A.J. You looney bastard. I bet you are alone in this, right? Oh, wait, the moderate Sheikh Al Qaradawi agrees with you: "We cannot imagine that the Iraqi Sunnis did this," said the influential Sunni cleric Sheik Youssef al-Qaradawi, an Egyptian who lives in Qatar. "No one benefits from such acts other than the U.S. occupation and the lurking Zionist enemy." Hehe. Nice. The lurking zionist enemy did it. The Mossad agents in Iraq are behind this, just like they were behind 9/11. I mean, who else could it be, right? Damn, where would we be without the Jews? Ohh yeah, we would learn to take some responsibility for our own actions and hold those crazy jihady fuckheads accountable. Wait, that sounds dangerous. Ok, guess we will just blame the Jews. Safer that way!

This is starting to look like a set-up

If this means what I think it means, Karl Rove just made a lot of his- and Bush's- enemies look really really bad. Arab votes for Hillary next election, anyone?

Another sign of the impending apocalypse

This was just too good to pass. The following is a front page editorial of the marxists newspaper "The True Voice of the People" - didn't see that one coming did ya?- which actually states that they have finally realized that the Jihadies are not their friends. Imagine that. Dump the Jihadists

It is time for us in The Movement to reconsider our support for Jihad. I know that this editorial will rankle many of our readers who seek World Peace and Justice, but let's try to be rational for a minute. Oh Boy. Don't hurt yourself now! Islam is opposed to women's rights. They jail and hang gays. They hate blacks. They kill Jews. They have absolutely zero class consciousness. They are so religious Marx would cry, and we cannot wean them off Mohammed and onto Marxism-Leninism. They treat criminals worse than our fascist USA or fascist France or fascist China. Their Sharia Law is in total contradiction to what we aspire to. They have an unsavory, oil-based, capitalistic tendency which is abominable. They are as multiculturally enlightened as a rattlesnake. And "Green"? They don't know from green. Let's be honest with ourselves. We only love the Jihadists because they are anti-US and anti-West, and because of our wish to see Bush damaged. And for no other reasons. It's our nihilistic, adventurous streak which causes us to glamorize these people, but they are not heroic Lenins or Stalins or Fidels or Maos. Our emotion derives purely from the old "The Enemy of My Enemy is My Friend." But where would these Jihadists take us? We'd be the first to lose our heads in a nation run by them. These people are exposing themselves to be semi-civilized religious fanatics, and they would carry us in the wrong direction - not towards the Revolution we all seek, but towards the Theocratic Fascism we have valiantly fought for so many generations. We hereby pronounce the Jihadists to be Counter-Revolutionaries. LOL, they just figured that out. hehehe.. LOL..Sorry, just..hehe.. keep reading. We did not come to this weighty decision lightly, but our Editorial Board concludes that it's time the Left said "Dump the Jihadists. " It's time for us to move forward towards better, saner, and more progressive allies, like Chavez and Fidel and Sanders and Hillary. If we do not eliminate Jihad, The People's Revolution will never have a chance in the world. Yes, we all wish to see the US humiliated and weakened in the world, but let's not forget why: our goal is to advance the People's Revolution. And Bourgeois Freedom is the only medium in which we can effectively work for our goal. A successful Jihad could set Our Cause back 1000 years, as it is doing in Europe right now. Notice that these are their goals, and they cite Hillary as one of their Heros. Hillary for President anyone? Politics makes strange bedfellows. We might not like the demonic Bushitler, but it's time for the Left to get on board with the so-called "War on Terror" for the moment, tactically, or our dream of Universal Justice, provided by a Benevolent State, could have no future at all. It's time to be smart, and not blinded by our anger.

Oh man. Took them long enough, no? Update: Me is heartbroken. Turns out this article is a satire. Awww. Although, honestly, that makes more sense than the alternative. I mean, marxists who use their brain and think rationally? Ha. Puleeeze!

We there yet?

It may seem that Iraq maybe taking a forward leap towards the always expected civil war, but for some reason I don't think this will be it. The way Iraq's leaders have been handeling it is very promising so far, and hopefully this will be the close call that will unite the sunnis and the Shias against the Jihadis that want them both dead. Of course, there are those others who of course are blaming this on... you guessed it.. the US occupation. Hey, at least he didn't go as far as the Iranians did. They are blaming Europe! Those damn Danes!

On ports

Ohh man, where to begin on this one? Hmm, let's start with some Key Quotes first: President Bush: They — in working with our folks, they've agreed to make sure that their coordination with our security folks is good and solid. I really don't understand why it's OK for a British company to operate our ports but not a company from the Middle East, when our experts are convinced that port security is not an issue; that having worked with this company, they're convinced that these — they'll work with those who are in charge of the U.S. government's responsibility for securing the ports, they'll work hand in glove. I want to remind people that when we first put out the Container Security Initiative, the CSI, which was a new way to secure our ports, UAE was one of the first countries to sign up.

In other words, we're receiving goods from ports out of the UAE, as well as where this company operates. And so I, after careful review of our government, I believe the government ought to go forward. And I want those who are questioning it to step up and explain why all of a sudden a Middle Eastern company is held to a different standard than a Great British (sic) company. I'm trying to conduct foreign policy now by saying to people of the world, we'll treat you fairly. And after careful scrutiny, we believe this deal is a legitimate deal that will not jeopardize the security of the country, and at the same time, send that signal that we're willing to treat people fairly.

Michelle Malkin: First, the deal will outsource port operations not just to any "foreign-based company"--but to a state-owned entity based in a known transit point for al Qaeda operatives and a key transfer point for shipments of smuggled nuclear components sent to Iran, North Korea and Libya. Second, of course, there's no such thing as a perfect defense. Should we never subject any Mideast companies or individuals to heightened scrutiny because it would offer "no security guarantees?" [...] The issue is not whether day-to-day, on-the-ground conditions at the ports would change. They presumably wouldn't. The issues are whether we should grant the demonstrably unreliable UAE access to sensitive information and management plans about our key U.S ports, which are plenty insecure enough without adding new risks, and whether the decision process was thorough and free from conflicts of interest. Wall Street Journal: Critics also forget, or conveniently ignore, that the UAE government has been among the most helpful Arab countries in the war on terror. It was one of the first countries to join the U.S. container security initiative, which seeks to inspect cargo in foreign ports. The UAE has assisted in training security forces in Iraq, and at home it has worked hard to stem terrorist financing and WMD proliferation. UAE leaders are as much an al Qaeda target as Tony Blair. As for the Democrats, we suppose this is a two-fer: They have a rare opportunity to get to the right of the GOP on national security, and they can play to their union, anti-foreign investment base as well. At a news conference in front of New York harbor, Senator Chuck Schumer said allowing the Arab company to manage ports "is a homeland security accident waiting to happen." Hillary Clinton is also along for this political ride.

So the same Democrats who lecture that the war on terror is really a battle for "hearts and minds" now apparently favor bald discrimination against even friendly Arabs investing in the U.S.? Guantanamo must be closed because it's terrible PR, wiretapping al Qaeda in the U.S. is illegal, and the U.S. needs to withdraw from Iraq, but these Democratic superhawks simply will not allow Arabs to be put in charge of American longshoremen. That's all sure to play well on al Jazeera.

National Review:

Moreover, while the UAE has become a war on terror partner, its history is checkered — to say the least. Critics claim that the UAE recognized the Taliban, and al Qaeda used it in 9/11 preparations. Dubai, a Middle Eastern banking “Mecca,” has long been the crossroads of money laundering and terrorist financing. In addition, the UAE has ties to Iran, and Pakistan’s Dr. Strangelove, A. Q. Khan, used the Emirates as a shipping hub for his nuke network.

Lileks: It’s remarkably tone deaf. It’s possible that the Administration did some quiet polling, and asked the question “How much Arab control over American ports are you comfortable with,” and misinterpreted stunned silence as assent. It’s possible the Administration believed that this would be seen as outreach, an act of faith to solidify a Key Ally, and didn’t think there’d be much hubbub – but if that’s the case, it’s the best example of the Bubble Theory I’ve heard, and I’ve not heard much convincing evidence. Until now. The average American’s reaction to handing port control over to the UAE is instinctively negative, and for good reason. There are two basic reactions: We can’t do this ourselves? and We should trust them, why? [...] But the specifics don’t matter; arguments about the specific nature of the Dubai Ports World organization’s global reach and responsible track records don’t matter. Because it feels immediately, instinctively wrong to nearly every American, and that isn’t something that can be argued away with charts or glossy brochures. It just doesn’t sit well. Period. RWNH: So what’s the problem? The problem is in the atmospherics of this deal.

The problem is with the tone deaf bureaucrats of CFIUS who okayed this deal in the first place. They may have gotten some DoD flunky to vote for it in Committee but not bothering to brief the Secretary of Defense or the Chairman of the Joint Chief of Staff about it only contributes to the notion that they are not taking port security very seriously.

The problem is with the incompetence (or arrogance) of the supposedly vaunted White House political operation in treating this deal like a routine transaction when the involvement of a Middle Eastern country whose toleration and support for the Wahhabi brand of Islam was sure to cause trouble on the Hill. Then there’s also the minor matter involving the UAE being a banking Mecca for terrorism. I find it more than a little ironic that monies we’re pouring into the banking system of that country could be used to plan and carry out attacks against our own country.

The problem was in not recognizing that the deal would give your ravenous and out of control enemies on the left and in the press a great big T-Bone steak of an issue to chew on in the immediate aftermath of the Cheney debacle. These are people who were gnawing on your leg while bodies were still floating in the floodwaters of New Orleans. Just what in God’s name were they thinking?

The problem is that given the lukewarm response of our government to the cartoon jihad, the President’s strongest and most vocal supporters would see this deal as one more nod, one more cave-in to Muslim sensibilities rather than the good business deal it almost certainly is. Taking the base for granted in anything is bad politics. In this case, it demonstrates an ineptness that would be troubling if we weren’t getting used to it by now.

Finally, the problem is President Bush. One of the major reasons we went to war in Iraq and have sacrificed so much was based on the idea – a good one – that after 9/11 we couldn’t take the chance that Saddam would make common cause with al Qaeda and supply them with weapons of mass destruction. It wasn’t important how likely that possibility was at the time. The point was that we just couldn’t take the chance.

And now here we are 3 years later and we are taking what I believe is a similar chance that a company owned by a state that has refused to recognize Israel, that acted as a waystation for al Qaeda in the lead-up to 9/11, and despite protestations to the contrary, is run like a Medieval fiefdom with trafficking in white slavery, illegal arms, and drugs some of its more unseemly activities. It is “stable” only as long as Sheik Mohammed bin Rashid al Maktoum – “Sheik Mo” as he is called by his subjects – can keep the lid on the resentments of the hundreds of thousands of foreign workers who live in virtual slavery and who do the scut work that the natives and western contractors don’t feel like doing.

Read all that? you are a champ. Now let's decipher all of this crap, shall we? The way I see it, logically there should be no reason why an arab company- especially one that is a MNC- can't bid and win the right to operate US ports. To deny them the right to in the bid, based on the fact that they are arab alone, is, as you know, wrong. It may not feel right, but, technically, that was never a problem in business. It didn't feel right when Halliburton took those no bid contracts in Iraq either, but, you know, they are one of the few qualified companies to do their kind of work and chances are it would've been them winning the bid, if not on the very short list of contenders. But then again, Halliburton is a US company, so little to fear there for reactionaries. However... There is legitimate concern when a foriegn government is the one handeling your ports, arab or not. It just goes a little on the bad side when that foreign goverment is an arabic Islamic one, in a time where the US is fighting this war right next door. That, my friends , I agree, doesn't feel right. I am the first to admit and defend how moderate the UAE is and how they haven't been involved in terrorism or funding it in any way as far as I am concerned and can see. However, imagine the uproar if it was a company owned by the US government the one in charge of the UAE ports. Accusations of imperialism and zionistic conspiracies would spring eternal. It's sad, but it's expected and while I disapprove of it, I understand it. Anyway... It seems to me, personally, that the actual problem with US ports is the fact that only 3% of all Cargo containers get checked. This means that Anyone who wants to smuggle anything in has a 97% success rate. That's scary! That's the thing you should al be up in arms about. Shit, if there are too many ships in your opinion, then at least go for 30% getting checked. Least you can do, you know? So , basically, I wouldn't approve of this deal personally just because it's a company that is foreign-government owned, but denying it on the basis of "but they are sandmonkeys" just isn't good enough. I think this will lead to a review of the deal and people will do their due dilligance and work and will come out and say either YAY or Nay. I also think that the senators and the congressmen are exploiting the issue for the 06 elections. That we are seeing what will even be a republican strategy for the 06 elections: attack Bush. Show you are independent from the republican establishment. Yes. That's the ticket. But again, it's sad that none of the senators or congresmen are bringing this issue up in terms of sovreignty, and are doing the whole "Bush is caving in to the arabs" routine. I personally think its admireable of Bush to take the stand that he is taking, and that it should show the arabs in the US why they can't trust the democrats to be on their side of anything. That they claim to be "on the arabs side" for the conveinece of it all, and that the fact that US muslims have always historically voted for the republican party was always the soundest decision they could make. Anywhoo... I guess we will have to wait and see how this one plays out, huh?

The Powers that blog

Here is your dose of blasphemy for the day: God's blog, and Lucifer's blog. Oh Boy, will I get in trouble over this one!

This is why I love the Dry Bones Blog

I was checking out the Dry Bones Blog and I stumbeld upon this little gem: Now, seriously, isn't it funny that the same people who are defending Hamas and its positions are the same people who have attacked Sharon on his positions? I love this world.

Give me a couple of houres..

...and I will tell you what I think about this whole UAE port hooplah. Quick note though: Bush is defending his decision and brushes off the critics who say that he shouldn't give port control to an arab compnay. Al Jazeerah naturally screams Bigotry against the critics. Now shouldn't they-techincally- praise Bush- or at least give him some credit- for "staying the course" and brushing off the critics? Oh wait.. Al Jazeerah, or arabs, giving Bush credit for something? Yeah, right!

A good sign

Remember the Fatwa issued by an indian court against the cartoonists, condemning them all to death? Well, it has no muslim support in India at all and people are speaking out against it. The ideological war rages on!

The Clerics are the problem

A lot of people ranted and raved over this article in the lights of the recent poll that showed that 40% of the UK's muslims want Sharia laws implemented in the UK. I think it's an interesting read, and I found this part to be especially illuminating of where europe is heading. They simply do not realise how seriously Muslims take their religion. Islamic clerics regard themselves as locked in mortal combat with secularism.

"For example, one of the fundamental notions of a secular society is the moral importance of freedom, of individual choice. But in Islam, choice is not allowable: there cannot be free choice about whether to choose or reject any of the fundamental aspects of the religion, because they are all divinely ordained. God has laid down the law, and man must obey.

'Islamic clerics do not believe in a society in which Islam is one religion among others in a society ruled by basically non-religious laws. They believe it must be the dominant religion - and it is their aim to achieve this.

"That is why they do not believe in integration. In 1980, the Islamic Council of Europe laid out their strategy for the future - and the fundamental rule was never dilute your presence. That is to say, do not integrate.

"Rather, concentrate Muslim presence in a particular area until you are a majority in that area, so that the institutions of the local community come to reflect Islamic structures. The education system will be Islamic, the shops will serve only halal food, there will be no advertisements showing naked or semi-naked women, and so on."

That plan, says Dr Sookhdeo, is being followed in Britain. "That is why you are seeing areas which are now almost totally Muslim. The next step will be pushing the Government to recognise sharia law for Muslim communities - which will be backed up by the claim that it is "racist" or "Islamophobic" or "violating the rights of Muslims" to deny them sharia law.

"There's already a Sharia Law Council for the UK. The Government has already started making concessions: it has changed the law so that there are sharia-compliant mortgages and sharia pensions.

I think it has become mightily clear from the Danish experience that the people the western governments should talk to about muslim integration should NOT be the islamic clerics. But in the absence of secular muslim leaders and organizations for them to talk to, what are the western governments to do? I say that more organizations like the Democratic Muslims and the little known American Islamic Congress need to be established and contacted by the western governments, because those are your best hope for actual integration. And please, if you are a muslim who lives in a western country and wants Sharia law implemented there, I have 3 words for you: MOVE TO SAUDI! Ok? Glad we cleared that one!

Mubarak won't meet with Hamas officials

Why doesn't that- and the fact that it isn't published in an egyptian newspaper- surprise me?

Blowback

Action: The nigerian muslims attack their christian counterparts in a fit of MCS rage, killing many and burning churches. Reaction: The nigerian christians riot back, attack their muslim counterparts, killing many and burning mosques. First this and now that. What a fantastic day for inter-religious relations. Oh well... May the cycle of violence begin!

Yahoo may be retarded!

In the great british tradition of banning icecream covers and Piglet drawings that offend muslim sensibilities, Yahoo mail in the UK may be banning any handle that has the word allah in it. Yahoo! is banning the use of allah in email names - even if the letters are included within another name.

This was uncovered by Reg reader Ed Callahan whose mother Linda Callahan was trying to sign up for a Verizon email address. She could not get it to accept her surname.

Enquiries to Verizon revealed that a partnership with Yahoo! was to blame. Yahoo! will not accept any identies which include the letters "allah".

Nor will Yahoo! accept yahoo, osama or binladen. But it will accept god, messiah, jesus, jehova, buddah, satan and both priest and pedophile.

So Jesus and pedophile are cool, Allah and Binladen are not? A spokesman for Yahoo! UK said: "This sounds like a glitch. But we will get back to Ed and Lindy Callahan with a full answer as soon as possible." Let's hope it's a glitch. Otherwise this could be the final proof that british now means retarded! PS: Thanks to Suzanne, this story may be true. Here is a list of the banned words:

allah binladen osama raghead

yahoo security admin

fuck asshole cunt

Words that are not banned:

god messiah jesus jehova yahweh savior buddah

Or

rapeismyhobby1 pedophilepriest88 killallmuslimsandarabs1 nazisaremybestfriends jewskilledjesus999 iloveadolfhitler293409 wasapmahniggah8888

Now how about that?

The Mineral Water conspiracy

Egypt is a nation of reactionaries who don't think. I just received a phone call that confirms the hysteria that BP has been talking about in regards to our running water. The latest rumor of the day: The Bird Flu virus is in our drinking water, because some farmers threw their infected chicken in the nile. The Horror. The Horror. Better not take a shower Boys, you might get your cock infected (Sorry, had to go there). Better yet, Birds in the air maybe carrying the virus. Don't breath for the next hour or so until the air force chases them away. Can't be too safe now can you? My Boss, on the other hand, has a different theory: That the Water supply people have increased the purifying chemicals in the water out of fear that the virus may spread through that, and are afraid of the effect the chemicals may have on people if they drink it. That rumor is probably bullshit too, because anyone familiar with Egypt's running water knows that the drinkability of the water is the least concern of the egyptian water supply authority. They really don't care! Me, I think this is just another Vodafone conspiracy, and now I am thinking of how to benefit from it perosnally. After all, what's the point of having idiots around you if you don't exploit them? I am now searching the Egyptian stock market for mineral water companies that are listed there and I am buying stocks in them. Lots of stocks. This hysteria should drive people to buy shitloads of mineral water, which will mean the companies' profit will go through the roof, and so will their stock price, making moi mucho dienero. Sweeeeet! I could always use a new pair of shoes!

Ahh, hell no

This isn't happening: An Indian Court has issued a Fatwa condemning to death the 12 artists who drew the controversial images of the prophet Mohammed. Marie Le Pen, the leader of France's extreemist party the National Front, is amazingly forming an alliance with the Muslim Majority there. Well, they both hate Jews, so they got that in common. I want off of this planet!

Egyptians muslims and christians clash, 8 injured so far

Here we go again: Eight Egyptians have been injured in clashes between Muslims and Coptic Christians in a village south of Cairo. Police said that the violence erupted in the village of Al-Ayat, around 24 km south of the capital. It reportedly followed Muslim anger over the construction of a community centre by the local Christian minority. Muslim residents accused the Christians of seeking to turn the centre into a church. Ohh, how dare they? Kill Kill Kill! Five Muslims and three Christians were wounded in the fighting, but none were believed to be in a serious condition. Sigh....

The MB is raising funds for Hamas

Yes, they are, alongside Iran.

The Muslim Brotherhood — the region's largest fundamentalist political movement, with branches and affiliated groups in 86 countries — announced its own funding drive.

"We will appeal to each and every Muslim to help the Palestinians in the face of this unjust and fierce campaign (against Hamas)," the Brotherhood's supreme leader, Mohammed Mahdi Akef, told the Associated Press in Cairo.

The group will ask supporters to donate one-quarter of their income, Brotherhood official Mohammed Hilal told the Cairo-based Al-Masry Al-Yawm newspaper. This is expected, because Hamas is the palestinian MB's wing and the first MB government in the region, and they don't want them to look bad..ehh... I mean worse than they already do. But here is the question that always made me wonder: If Hamas is the MB's palestinain wing, doesn't that mean that technically Mahdi Akef is their actual leader? Doesn't that make him the supreme leader of a terrorist organization? And if we ignore that part and say that Hamas is independent and loosely affiliated- don't you just love how all the terrorist organizations that sprang out of the MB are "indepednet and loosely affiliated btw?- doesn't that mean that Iran and the MB are officially financing a terrorist organization? Isn't there some law against this somewhere? Hmmm.....

Ohh, so now it's bad?

After realizing that they can't win this fight, especially with the emergence of the moderate muslims in Denmark and the marginalization of the assholish imams, Iran is now calling for an end to the Cartoon violence, and to use the threat of future violence as a tool instead! "We accepted to cooperate with each other to calm down the situation, not to offend the values, religious values in particular from one side, and freedom of expression from the other side — some kind of balance," Mottaki told reporters. "We should try to cool down the situation. We do not support any violence." Ehh, and do we do that by A) Telling the muslim population that they can not go crazy and violent over anything that may piss them off, or B) by telling the world that they better do things the way we like it or else?

Mottaki added that freedom of expression must be exercised with sensitivity and with respect for others' values and beliefs.

"We are facing ... angry Muslims all around the world. We have to try our best to avoid any violence," he said. Ahh. Yeah. Thought so. Fuck you Iran's foreign minister. Fuck You!

YAY !

Finally, some good news from Denmark:

Dozens of Danish Muslims are joining the network of moderate Muslims, the Demokratiske Muslimer (Democratic Muslims). About 700 Muslims have already become DM members and 2,500 Danes have expressed their will to support the network. The initiative has caused anger among the Danish imams and their leader, Ahmad Abu Laban, who have referred to the moderates as “rats.” The imams feel that they are beginning to lose their control over part of the Muslim population.

Hehehe...

Moderates such as Kamran Tahmasebi say they have had enough of fanatic Islamism and its intimidation of the Muslim immigrants in Denmark. “It is an irony that I am today living in a European democratic state and have to fight the same religious fanatics that I fled from in Iran many years ago,” Mr Tahmasebi says. He came to Denmark as a refugee in 1989. Today he works as a social consultant and is very grateful for the life Denmark has made it possible for him to have. He says he no longer wants to keep a low profile to avoid attracting the attention of the imams. The cartoon affair was an incentive for him to stand up and warn against the Islamist imams in Denmark, whom he says are damaging the integration process with their misleading criticism of Danish values and norms.

Mr Tahmasebi is one of the people involved in the newly established network of moderate Muslims in Denmark led by Naser Khader, a member of the Danish Parliament. He says he is well aware of the risk he is taking by siding with Mr Khader, who has for a long time been living under police protection. But Mr Tahmasebi feels it is his duty to take part in this debate. “Naser Khader has carried this responsibility for too long. I share his beliefs and now I want to stand up and say so. Apart from that, as a parent I feel a responsibility to fight, so that my children will not have to live under Islamist dogmas. They shall be able to live free in this country.” Mr Tahmasebi adds that he believes the imams are one of the biggest problems Denmark is facing today.

About damn time someone there said it! Good for them.

Way to go Demokratiske Muslimer!

On the miracles of plastic surgery

It's no secret that our arab popstars use plastic surgery in order to enhance their "sex appeal" and become more popular. Everyone knows that. Hell, it's why most lebanese pop stars look alike now. But when someone provides you a Before and After pictures of said popstars, like the devilish Leilouta does here, you suddenly gain a newfound respect to the profession of plastic surgery, because, like, we wouldn't have hot popstars without it. Yay for Platsic surgery!

Life's little victories

It really is all about Life's little victories, man. Small stuff that just keeps you going and brings a smile to your face. Like Raed Jarrar calling me "Kameradenpolizei" and a "McCarthy-style-rat" for what I wrote here. Nice. I must be doing something right if he is angry. Yay! But Raed, you got me all wrong, I may think communists are the most evil fucks on the planet and the scum of the earth, but I don't support you going to prison at all for your views and beliefs. You are 100% entitled to them my friend. I just don't think you should go live in the states- a the most anti-communist capitalistic country in the world- especially when you think so highly of its people. You even admit it in your latest post: Because most of the people who support the occupation are violent assholes. That’s why. They are intimidating violent gangsters backed up by the bush administration. They should be held accountable for each murder done by the illegal occupation of Iraq. Everyone who supports the occupation is personally responsible for the death of every Iraqi who is killed because of the illegal US invasion. Given that approximately 70% of the american population supported the war in Iraq, that makes 7 out of 10 americans "violent assholes", "intimidating gangsters" and murderers who are "personally responsible for every iraqi death", even those killed by the zarqawi people, according to you Raed. And yet you want to go live in their country, and you claim that you don't hate or hold any grudges against americans or america, just it's foreign policy. Riiight! Raed, not only are you a hypocrite for going to the US, you are a hypocrite for running away from your beloved Iraq in its time of need, while other "traitors"- according to your definition- are not even thinking of leaving. They are staying there. Despite everything. That's why the Iraq the Model guys get the respect, while you are nothing but a worthless hypocritical punk. But then again, you know that about yourself don'tcha? Oh well.. Have a nice day!

Arla foods denies boycotting Israel

Even though Jylland posten is saying that the news that Arla foods is boycotting Israel per order of the rest of the ME isn't new. They say that Arla has been boycotting Israel for years, Arla foods claims that this is not true and no such boycott is in place. Ok, buy Lurpak, but not Puk cheese. Let's teach them a lesson.

It was bound to happen

People are rethinking tolerance of muslims, and the sad part is, they may be justified in doing so! sigh....

I second that!

Bin Laden has a new message to the masses, and it's one that I actually agree with: Bin Laden Vows Never to Be Captured Alive! I support that! Anyone seconding me here?

Cindy Sheehan event

This is just sad!

What does Israel have to do with it?

Ok, I said I wasn't going to blog, but damn it, I just received this very infuriating tip in an e-mail from one of my danish readers, and it just made my blood boil. Apparently in order for Arla Foods - the producer of Lurpak and lots of danish chesse- to resume their markets and operations in the Middle East, they have to promise not to do any business with Israel - not trade goods with them, and not use their ports or anything of that nature. How messed up is that? What does trading with Israel have to do with anything? I thought Arla was having problems over the fact that it happend to be danish when a danish paper made a cartoon that drove the muslim world insane. Why do they have to forsake trading with Israel to resume relations with the middle-east? What did they have to do with the cartoons? And why are they in the middle of this again? WTF is this bullshit? I hope this news report is false. I really do!

Classic post: The Taxi experience

*Kind of busy today, so I hope this will do till tommorow. Originally posted here* So, you are one of the car-less unfortunate bastards who live in Cairo. Hi, I am one too. Like me you are likely to find the majority of the public-transportation facilities to be, ehh, lacking in them terms of treating its users as fellow human-beings. So you opt for the slightly more appealing experience: Taking a Taxi. But soon after you take one, you will discover to your horror that you just went from the Fire to the frying pan. Too harsh? Stop me when this sounds familiar… First of all, the majority of taxis in Egypt are cars that are at least 15 years old, which means that they were purchased at a time when seatbelts were considered to be a luxury item in your car, you know, along with power-steering, and air-conditioning. If you can get one of them to stop for you and get you where you want to go (most of them won't), you will experience the ride of a lifetime: The seats are uncomfortable, the space is small, prayers and CD’s hanging next to each other from the rearview mirror, the windows have no handles. Ohh, and the decoration, we can’t forget the decoration. Nothing like a blue strobe light on top of your head, alongside the ice-cream truck tune that the driver set up so it starts every time he hits on the breaks to make your ride fun. And the ride is fun, you know, in an adrenaline-rush-oh-my-god-I-am gonna-die kind of way. The driving is – of course- horrible, and the driver will almost always choose the longest, most traffic packed route he could possibly take. It’s as if he wants you to suffer the discomfort of sitting in his car for the longest time possible. But see, he doesn’t stop there. He starts to talk to you about the most useless topics (“The Mossad is financing Ruby. She is part of a Zionist conspiracy to make our youth horny and not pray!”), and you feel rude if you don’t converse back or at least nod your head. And if you just keep your mouth shut, the driver will start to punish you by turning the music/the Koran/the latest Amr Khaled tape louder. And if the Koran is playing you don’t dare to tell him to mute it or lower the volume, even if you have a headache, cause how is it possible that recitation of the Koran by some girly-voiced guy that is magnified and distorted horribly at the same time through the driver’s 1970’s speaker system contribute to your headache? Nonsense. But then the driver will start cursing the other drivers with the filthiest insults, while the Koran is playing, and you wonder why the guy has it on if he has such low respect to it. But alas, you just shake your head and let it slide, hoping the ride to be over soon. And you think when the ride is finally over and you get where you wanted that your troubles are over, but they are not. It’s time to pay him, and there is nothing to end this fun experience like playing Taxi-driver mind-games. They go a little something like this: you will ask him how much he wants (cause the meter is naturally broken) and he will tell you with all sincerity that he will take whatever fare you give him. You will then proceed to give him an amount of money which he will of course deem to be insufficient and ask for at least an extra 5 pounds. And when you ask him why he didn’t just ask for that when you asked him how much the ride was, his response will be "Well, I didn’t want to say it just in case you were going to pay more"! Ohh, so you wanted to rob me? And if robbing is too harsh of a word, well, you wanted to con me? Ok, no problem. But explain to me this you immoral asshole: What the hell is that Koran/ Islamic teaching Tape playing all about then? Do you even listen to it? I am not sure, but I think it's pretty negative on robbing or conning people. I could be wrong, but I doubt it! I hate Taxis in Egypt.

The MCS Epidemic

In case you didn't hear, there were anti-cartoon protests in Nigeria yesterday and they were lovelier than all others so far: Nigerian Muslims protesting caricatures of the Prophet Muhammad attacked Christians and burned churches on Saturday, killing at least 15 people in the deadliest confrontation yet in the whirlwind of Muslim anger over the drawings. It was the first major protest to erupt over the issue in Africa's most populous nation. An Associated Press reporter saw mobs of Muslim protesters swarm through the city center with machetes, sticks and iron rods. One group threw a tire around a man, poured gas on him and set him ablaze. Wow. So, with 11 dead in Libya's prtoests on Friday, this brings the cartoon death toll to at least 26 dead this weekend alone. 26 people. Dead. If you add to them those who died in Afganistan and Pakistan, I think we are looking at about 40 fatal casualties so far. 40 people, in the last 3 weeks. Now, is it just me, or is it weird that more people died over these cartoons in the past 2 months than over the Bird Flu "epidemic"? Hell, I think the cartoon fatalities are about 3 times those of the Bird Flu in 2006 so far. Shouldn't that make it an epidemic all by itself? I mean, it has higher fatality rates, and it spreads really really fast. It should be classified as an epidemic, right? We shall call it the Muslim Cartoon Syndrome epidemic. MCS for short. MCS is a fast spreading epidemic, that has a very good chance of getting an unspecified number of people killed, but is especially good at getting Muslims to kill other Muslims. It can be spread via 1) Hearing about cartoons insulting the prophet, or 2) Reading about cartoons insulting the prophet. However, actually viewing such Prophet-inuslting cartoons will not cause an infection; on the contrary, nothing will happen and no one will get agitated. Symptoms of MCS include: Forwarding E-mails, sending text-messages, spouting empty slogans on how much you love the prophet, yelling, screaming, agitation, saying shit that doesn't make sense, carrying highly offensive signs, engaging in retarded campaigns, burning cheese, boycotting Butter, torching buildings, attacking christians for no reason and participating in other various retarded violent activities. It's ability to get muslims to kill eachother has caused multiple conspiracy theories on the origion and purpose of said cartoons, and they all involve the Jews somehow. Don't ask! Just don't! So far there has been no cure for the MCS epidemic, but scientists are working hard at finding one. There are worries that at the current infestation rate muslims around the world may have to be rounded up and sent back to the middle-east, and all westerners to go back to their respective countries, at least until this thing dies down. "Some are worried that at such infestation rate, a quarantine and elimination of the infested may be necessary for the world's survival, although thankfully we are far from having to utilize such methods, cause the damage and casualties has been primarily in muslim and arab countries so far, and really, we have no problems with muslims killing each other. Better them than us!", a western scientist said with a smirk. There is hope though. There are strong indications that this whole MCS epidemic may be cureable by the purchasing of danish dairy products, since it started around the time muslims stopped buying such products. This could mark an interesting development in the world of cow diseases, where not eating danish cow products would cause you to go crazy. The Anti-mad cow disease so to speak. So maybe you should Buy Danish to stay on the safe side. Lurpak: Eat it so you don't go crazy!

Stop the presses

WOW. WOW. WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW. I can't believe it. Hell must've frozen over. Raed Jarrar- yes, that one- just said that he liked something about the United States. No, really! There is something special about the In-N-Out cheese burger, there is something special about the onions there. Here are three secret tips about it. 1- In-N-out is one of my favorite fast food places. Did you know that they have a secret menu there? Try ordering 3x3 or 4x4 and see what you’ll get. 2- In addition, you can ask for grilled onions instead of the regular raw ones. They have the best root beer as well, so don’t forget to consume some. 3- Did you know that some nymphomaniac customers take out the first b and last r of burger? Hehe. Oh, and there is a nice bridge near it too. I *heart* the US roads. He likes two things? Not only one , but two? Wow Raed! Better watch it man, you are close to selling out Buddy. I am shocked. I am amazed. I am flabbergasted.

Yeah, right!

Horrorscopes

The Fictitious Journalist has your horoscopes this week, let's see what it says about Gemenis: Gemini (5/21-6/21) No one will believe you when you say Hamas mistaking kidnapped you over the weekend thinking you were Danish. To prove this to others, check your ass for a branding of the word Lurpak. Hey, how did he/she know that? Who told on me? Rats. Also check out the piece on editing Harry Potter movie for un-islamic content. The interview is classic!

Squeezing tighter

Not buying that Hamas' only problem is negative publicity, Rice has added to the already mounting monetary squeeze on Hamas by warning the arab countries not to give them any money. In an interview with Arab journalists, Rice delivered a blunt new warning to Iran.

"Iran has its own troubles with the international community and it might want to think twice about enhancing those troubles" by bankrolling Hamas, Rice said.

The United States considers Hamas a terrorist group and Iran a patron of terrorism, and has no official dealings with either.

"I would hope that any state that is considering funding Hamas, a Hamas-led government, would think about the implications of that for the Middle East" and for the goal of peace between Israel and the Palestinians, Rice said.

[...]

The Palestinian Authority gets a majority of its approximately $1.9 billion annual budget from overseas sources. Without money from the United States and Europe — or Palestinian customs fees collected by the Israelis — a Hamas-led government would be nearly broke.

Hamas leaders have said they will look elsewhere for money, and are expected to appeal to Arab states and to Iran.

"It will be very interesting to see if that $1.9 billion is available," Rice said with evident skepticism.

Very interesting indeed.